Written by: Aisha Saintiche, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I think most, if not all of us are very familiar with the line “you get what you give.” Well amongst several other key mantras I am employing for 2023, the title of the article reflects more than just a mantra, but an actual state of being!
As we bring the first month of a new year to a close (which in it itself is so wild to think about) I can’t lie…I feel like this year is going to be a major year for me. Not just from the business side, but from the energy side – meaning, the energy that I’m, with intention, showing up with is directly connected to the blessings that have already appeared, and those that will come to fruition in due time.
Now while I am operating on a high vibration, I am also aware that people around me aren’t. For an array of reasons (and most of the time it’s not purposeful or even a state they wish to be in) protecting my energy and not allowing the negativity of others to penetrate the mind, body and soul is my consistent act of self-love and self-care.
And so, what happens when you find yourself in spaces, places and with people who are giving off an energy that frankly – you ain’t here for. What do you do? The easiest answer is to remove yourself from the space, place and/or person – but let’s be real, if it were that simple…I wouldn’t need to address this issue or write an article in hopes of providing insight on what I know can be a really difficult thing to do. Cause the truth is, too often the “takers” of our energy are things that we are deeply connected to – like work, family and close friends. Now this by no means requires us to stay connected because of the title they hold in our day-to-day lives, but boundaries are not always easily established and or enacted in these cases.
What do we fear when it comes to protecting our energy? Why do we feel obligated or guilty for allowing others to drain us of our energy? What do we believe to be the consequences for making our mental, emotional, spiritual energy a priority over that of someone else’s? What have we experienced in the past that leaves us torn between protecting our energy and not wanting to “hurt” someone else’s feelings? As a coach, one of the interesting and common threads that I have experienced with my clients is the overwhelming sense of guilt they feel when it comes to self-care (in its authentic form – and when I say ‘authentic’ I mean beyond the messages, bubble baths and ½ day breaks we believe will address the stress of a 60+ hour life and work week).
I don’t know about you, but I have operated from a place of depletion and exhaustion and no one…and I mean NO ONE should’ve been in that space with me – I was not kind. BUT because I operated with the mindset that selflessness was the act of self-care, that what I poured into people and work would be reciprocated in a way that I would become replenished and rejuvenated, resulted in me sweeping a bunch of shit off my counter in a fit of rage (true story and I actually can’t tell you what had me that heated…I just remember being pregnant with my third child and tired AF).
My energy is as valuable as my voice, my body, my mind and my mental health. Without it, I am operating in low vibration – which is not a desired state. Now believe me, while I’m writing this as though sticking to and creating boundaries that I know are going to put up a wall for certain people not to penetrate seems easy, or is done without fear or apprehension, I know it’s not. But what I do know, what I have experienced, what I have witnessed, and what I have supported and coached people through is that not seeing the protection of your energy as an act of self-care can cause harm in a variety of ways.
If you’ve been following me over the course of my own journey, or if you’re new to my space (totally off topic. But who remembers “MySpace” …lol) I believe self-care is the greatest conduit to achieving our optimal state of being? To show up as the best version of ourselves, requires us to place time and effort into nurturing and loving ourselves so what we are giving is the best of ourselves and not what is left of us. To do so, this then requires that we get clear and hold strong to our boundaries and the minimum standard by which any one person (and I apply this rule to everyone – kids, parents, siblings, family, co-workers, strangers) can engage with me. My responsibility is to let those around me know the value I hold for myself so that they understand how they need to approach me, how they need to engage with me and what I will not accept or tolerate. I am wired to pour into others so that they feel and see themselves worthy of their own time, love and effort – but you better believe that the energy and time I am pouring into you has been given to myself first, and so if you think you are going to drain me of my energy – prepare for that eviction notice quick quick! Ok I’m not that harsh…really, I’m not, but what I am, is unwilling to not take care of myself, not protect this invaluable commodity in the name of someone else’s happiness.
Perhaps for some this may seem harsh, but I want you to ask yourself, in those moments where you have been drained, or operating from a low vibration, where you have allowed the negativity of others to overwhelm you -what could you have done differently? No matter how you slice the pie or try to make the narrative in your head not seem so harsh, what it comes down to is putting up boundaries that ensure the protection of your energy.
I’ve always found it interesting how we will ensure we eat well, sleep well, drink water, get exercise (in some shape or form) but we’ll hesitate to put the same effort in removing people, places and things that we know don’t serve us…or we’ll up our game in the other areas of our life thinking that eating well will outweigh the energy being drained. Sorry…but because we are a whole being – all things must work in simultaneously. Not necessarily at the same pace…but the trajectory must be in alignment if not – well you know how you feel!
I was once asked…let me be real…I am often asked how I stay so calm, how I appear level-headed even in stressful situations, how I remain unruffled by other people’s bad vibe or why I don’t kick off at situations that perhaps warrant a clap back? The truth is, and I noted it a bit earlier in this article – I am not expelling my valuable energy or time on people, places or things that in the long run don’t really affect me. Now you come for my kids, partner, family and close friends – imma show you energy…lol… (kidding, not kidding), but my peace of mind and self-preservation will win everything.
Look don’t let the pressure of perfection overwhelm you as you navigate the world of self-care…just remember that in everything you desire and do for others, you are worthy of that same time and effort – only first.
Aisha Saintiche, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazin
Aisha Saintiche is a certified Health Coach and the founder and owner of MetoMoi Health. With over fifteen years of experience in Mental Health, Accessibility and Diversity and Inclusion, Aisha has used her experience as a strategic advisor and health coach to understand the complexity and intersectionality of the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual barriers that keep people from achieving their optimized health and wellness.
Aisha also holds a Masters in Public Policy Administration and Law, as well as a certification in Change Management, Advanced Crisis Intervention and Counselling and Health Coaching. She is also an Integral Master for the Canadian Olympic Committee of Canada, and most recently she became a Published Author.
Always seeking opportunities to bring about change, she is also an active member and Board of Director for the Woman Abuse Council of Toronto (WomanACT) and the Board Chair for Afiwi Groove School.
