Dr. Nichelle Chandler is a psychotherapist and life coach based in Dallas, Texas. She specializes in working with women, including those with lupus and other autoimmune conditions. She has maintained a private practice for nearly two decades and once managed the clinical department of one of Dallas' most prominent mental health clinics.
Recently I had the pleasure of working with two incredibly insightful and self-aware women. They sought me out due to concerns about their relationship with alcohol. Problem drinking among mothers is a critical issue. It's a topic that deserves attention, not just because of its potential to escalate into alcohol dependence, but also because of its subtle, often menacing impact on the lives of those affected.
Problem drinking vs. alcohol addiction
Problem drinking differs from alcohol addiction, though they exist on the same spectrum. While alcohol addiction, or dependence, involves a physical and psychological compulsion to consume alcohol, problem drinking consists of a pattern of excessive alcohol use that could lead to adverse consequences. Problem drinking can be a precursor to addiction but is distinguished by less severe dependence. It's essential to recognize that the absence of physical withdrawal symptoms does not mean the absence of a problem.
The path from problem drinking to dependence
Problem drinking can lead to more significant issues over time. Regularly drinking to cope with stress or to socialize can gradually increase tolerance, requiring more alcohol to achieve the same effect. This pattern can pave the way to dependence, where alcohol becomes a necessity rather than a choice. The consequences of problem drinking, such as neglecting responsibilities, strained relationships, and health issues, can be profound and far-reaching.
Why moms turn to alcohol
Mothers often face unique pressures and challenges that can lead them to turn to alcohol. The demands of balancing work, household responsibilities, and parenting can create significant stress. Alcohol can seem like an easy way to unwind or to reclaim a sense of relaxation amidst the chaos. Social drinking, particularly in environments where alcohol is normalized, can also contribute to chronic use. For some mothers, drinking becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with feelings of isolation, anxiety, or depression.
Recognizing problem drinking
Recognizing problem drinking involves looking beyond the stereotypes of alcoholism. It doesn't always look like falling over, stumbling, and irresponsible behavior. Often, it can appear in those who seem successful, organized, and like they have it all together. Signs of problem drinking include:
Drinking to relax or feel better after a stressful day
Consistently drinking more than intended
Choosing social events based on the availability of alcohol
Excluding friends who do not drink
Feeling guilty or anxious about drinking habits
Experiencing memory blackouts or missing out on responsibilities due to drinking
Additionally, you might hear complaints from friends and family. You might find yourself regretting things you said and did under the influence of alcohol. You might have even received one DWI.
A client's story
One client I worked with shared a poignant realization. She had been choosing her social circle based on their drinking habits, excluding those who did not drink. She noticed that her friendships were centered around alcohol, and this was affecting her relationships and her self-esteem. Recognizing this pattern was a significant step in her journey toward healthier coping mechanisms and social choices.
Strategies to limit alcohol consumption
If you are concerned about your drinking or that of someone you love, here are some strategies to help limit alcohol consumption:
Set clear limits: Decide in advance how many drinks you will have and stick to that limit.
Alternate with non-alcoholic drinks: Drink water or non-alcoholic beverages between alcoholic ones to pace yourself.
Find alternative coping mechanisms: Engage in activities that help you relax and unwind without alcohol, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
Avoid high-risk situations: Identify situations where you are likely to drink excessively and try to avoid them or approach them with a plan.
Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a professional about your concerns. Support groups can also provide valuable encouragement and accountability.
Reflect on triggers: Consider what triggers your desire to drink and find healthier ways to manage these triggers.
Conclusion
Problem drinking among mothers is a nuanced issue that requires a compassionate and understanding approach. It's not about labeling or judging but about recognizing patterns that can lead to more significant problems and finding healthier ways to cope with life's challenges. If you or someone you know is struggling with problem drinking, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength and an important step toward a healthier, more balanced life.
Read more from Dr. Nichelle Chandler
Dr. Nichelle Chandler, Psychotherapist and Life Coach
Dr. Nichelle Chandler is a dynamic mother, wife, motivator, educator, coach, and psychotherapist. As the founder of Brooktree Counseling & Consulting, PLLC, and Lupus Freedom, she brings over 20 years of experience helping individuals unlock their full potential. Dr. Nichelle is deeply passionate about empowering women to create their desired lives. Her journey with Lupus has fueled her dedication to helping women with the condition thrive, just as she has.
