Arorah Hsien Hsuan (her spiritual name), is a transformational coach and Taoist Tantric practitioner with over two decades of experience. She combines sacred sexuality, yoga, Qi Gong, hypnotherapy, feng shui, and acting tools to guide individuals and couples toward personal growth, enhanced relationships, and spiritual awakening.
Let's face it: navigating the world of online dating can be downright baffling. Studies show that men have a mere 5% chance of being swiped right. That means 95% of the time, you're not even being considered! But don't let that discourage you—you're about to get the insider's guide to beating those odds and making a memorable impact.
Your online dating profile is your chance to become the leading man in some fabulous woman's life story. Think of it as your headshot and resume—your one opportunity to make a compelling first impression and showcase your best qualities.
As a Tantric coach for men, women, and couples, as well as an acting coach who's spent decades helping men like you harness their masculine energy both on stage and in matters of the heart, I've seen firsthand how the right information can transform your dating life. After a year-long expedition into the wild world of dating apps, I've observed that you might be unintentionally sabotaging your chances of a right swipe.
But here's the good news: it's not your fault!
You've been thrown into the dating app arena without so much as a tutorial. That's where I come in. Consider me your personal dating profile director, here to help you land the leading role in a quality woman's life.
I'm about to share exclusive insights that'll transform you from overlooked to irresistible. Follow these simple steps, and you'll go from dating app dud to digital dating stud faster than you can say "It's a match!" Plus, I've got three secrets you won't find anywhere else. Gear up—it's time to overhaul your dating profile and start dominating the game.
Step one: Casting call, defining your ideal co-star
Before you start swiping, take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. Consider the following questions to identify the values and lifestyle compatibilities essential for your future relationship. This is your chance to create the perfect role description for your ideal leading lady. Don't skip this step.
1. What values and traits matter most to you?
Examples:
Trust & Honesty: Do you value complete transparency and trust in a relationship?
Communication: How important is open and effective communication to you?
Respect: Do you believe in valuing each other's individuality and boundaries?
Commitment: Are you ready to face challenges together and stay committed?
Shared Responsibility: Do you want a partner who supports and shares responsibilities equally?
Intimacy: What levels of intimacy do you want/need to feel fulfilled?
2. What do you think is a compatible lifestyle with yours?
Examples:
Daily Routines: Are you a morning person or a night owl? What about your partner?
Activity Levels: Do you prefer a fitness enthusiast or someone who enjoys relaxed evenings at home?
Health Practices: Vegan or a carnivore? Drinker, non-drinker? Smoker? Meditator?
Are religious, political, and ideological preferences important to you?
3. What are your social preferences?
Are you a homebody or a social butterfly?
What social lifestyle do you envision with your partner?
4. What are your financial habits?
Are you a saver or a spender?
How do you want to align your financial goals?
5. What are your family plans?
Do you want children, or do you prefer a child-free lifestyle?
How important is family involvement to you?
Do you already have children and don't want more, or are you open to blended families?
Are you a caregiver to an aging parent?
Lastly, take some time to reflect on past relationships:
What Worked? What qualities and moments made you feel truly happy and connected in past relationships? Why did they work?
What Didn't Work? What traits or behaviors led to breakups? Why didn't things work out?
What are your deal breakers now?
By answering these questions honestly, you'll gain clarity on what you're looking for in a partner and be better prepared to recognize your perfect match when you find her. This self-awareness will guide your choices and help you attract someone truly compatible.
Remember, this list is a guide, not a must-have set of rules. Sometimes the best co-stars are those who don't fit our initial casting call but still manage to steal the show. Be open to surprises and unexpected connections, they might just lead to the most captivating love story of all.
Step two: Becoming your best self — polishing your performance
Now that you've outlined your ideal leading lady, it's time for the challenging part: becoming the co-star worthy of her.
Be the qualities you seek. If you're seeking someone kind and generous, are you embodying those qualities?
Align your own lifestyle goals: do you want someone health-conscious and in shape? It might be time to trade the popcorn for protein shakes.
Start with self-love: remember, the journey to finding true love begins with self-love and personal growth.
Improve yourself: this isn't about changing who you are at your core, but rather about becoming the best version of yourself. Focus on areas where you can genuinely improve, whether it's developing new skills, pursuing passions, or working on emotional intelligence.
Embrace authenticity: be authentic, be real, and let your unique qualities shine.
When you find that quality person, they'll be drawn to the genuine you – no special effects required. Your confidence and self-assurance will be the most attractive qualities you can bring to the stage of love.
Step three: Auditioning for the role
Okay, my friend, I'm about to dish out some tough love just for you but trust me, it's fueled by my expertise and a real passion for helping men like you find meaningful connections. This advice might sting a little, but it's designed to help you succeed, so buckle up.
Women may be mysterious and unpredictable, but there is one thing every woman wants: to know she can trust you.
Your profile is your first opportunity to build that trust. If your profile conveys honesty, reliability, and respect, you're more likely to win a woman's interest and encourage her to open up. The first requirement in your online dating audition is to create a profile that exudes trustworthiness, setting the foundation for meaningful and lasting connections.
3 rules you need to follow to get the part
Rule 1: Know your audience
When I first dipped my toes into the wild waters of dating sites, I noticed something peculiar: men's profiles often resembled a clubhouse bulletin board, plastered with guy's-guy interests.
Here’s some breaking news: women aren't necessarily swooning over your skydiving selfies,
fish pics, gym (or bathroom) mirror flexes, or poses with your Lamborghini. Think carefully about the story your lead photos tell.
Are you trying to land a date or a spot on the cover of "Rugged Man Monthly"? Remember, what impresses your male friends might not have the same effect on your potential romantic female partners.
Your profile should invite connection, not competition.
While photos with your dog Tuffy or your daughter Muffy might seem endearing, they could send the wrong message. A woman might wonder, "Is there any room for me in this guy's life, or am I competing with Fido and family?" Sure, you're a stellar parent and a dutiful son, and your golf swing could make Tiger Woods do a double-take. But remember, you're crafting a dating profile, not a family newsletter.
Showcase aspects of your life that demonstrate your capacity for a relationship, not just your individual achievements or responsibilities. You're inadvertently putting pressure on a relationship that hasn't even started - it's like bringing a U-Haul to a first date.
To further illustrate this point, let's flip the script for a moment: imagine you’re looking at a woman's profile filled solely with photos of shopping marathons, salon pampering sessions, and intense scrapbooking competitions. While these activities might be her passions, they probably wouldn't have you rushing to swipe right.
The point is, we love that you are manly and rugged, and we love that you are a good father and son, but your profile should also showcase interests that invite conversation and connection with the woman you hope to attract, not leave potential matches wondering if you have room in your heart and your life for them.
Approach this like you would a job application: know your audience and tailor your presentation accordingly.
In the world of online dating, that means stepping into a woman's shoes and seeing your profile through her eyes. You have less than 5 seconds to make a good impression. A woman learns a lot about you in those few moments. What message do you want to send? Stop showcasing what you think makes you impressive to other men, and start highlighting what genuinely appeals to the woman of your dreams.
Rule 2: Nail the headshot (and I don't mean tequila)
Your profile's leading image should be a clear, engaging headshot of you – and only you.
This isn't the time for "Where's Waldo?" group photos, distant shots of you as a speck on Kilimanjaro, or mysterious sunglass-clad selfies that make you look like you're auditioning for the role of Hannibal Lecter. Instead, showcase a warm, inviting smile and eyes that connect directly with the camera.
Think "approachable leading man," not "cannibalistic serial killer with a taste for fava beans and Chianti."
Resist the urge to lead with photos featuring your dog (no matter how adorable), kids (even if they're future Nobel Prize winners), or you holding your prize-winning Blue Marlin (unless you're trying to date a mermaid).
While these are important aspects of your life, leading with them buries the most crucial element – You!
Your potential match is primarily interested in seeing you, not your supporting cast or props. By hiding behind these, you're underselling yourself as the star of your own show. You can (and should) include other full-body shots and even family photos later in your profile, but your opener needs to be all about you.
A stellar headshot is your golden ticket in the world of online dating. Without it, you're just another face in the sea of selfies, easily overlooked. In this fast-paced dating environment, your primary photo isn't just important – it's the deciding factor between someone exploring your profile further or moving on.
It's time to step into the spotlight, my friend – your audience awaits.
Rule 3: Your profile must pop
I am flabbergasted that some men won't even take the time to write something thoughtful on their profile. They throw up a few photos, believing their job is done.
Men are known for being logical, but how could any rational man think that this strategy will work? Remember rule 1: know your audience!
Here's why this matters: Women are natural communicators. If you make no effort to share who you are through your words, you're unlikely to earn the trust of a high-quality woman. When she sees a profile devoid of meaningful content, she'll likely think you're too lazy to make an effort. And if you can't be bothered to thoughtfully communicate your personality online, she'll assume you'll be just as unengaged in a relationship.
Who wants to date a guy who won't even take the time to thoughtfully present himself? By not putting in the effort to create a respectful and engaging profile, you're already disrespecting the high-quality woman you hope to attract.
Remember, that's five seconds of her life she'll never get back. Make it count!
How to craft an Oscar-worthy profile
Here's where the magic happens, dear friend. Your profile portrayal is your audition tape, and women are watching every frame so make every word count. Here are 5 things to consider to make your profile stand out.
1. Authenticity is sexy: Women appreciate a man who is genuine and transparent. Share something real and intimate about yourself. Take a small risk and let your true personality shine through.
Examples:
"I'm an introvert who loves deep conversations. My ideal date? A quiet coffee shop where we can talk about everything from quantum physics to our favorite childhood memories.”
"I'm a recovering alcoholic, five years sober. It's been a tough road, but I'm proud of how far I've come. Honesty and self-improvement are huge parts of my life now.”
"I'm dyslexic and reading has always been a challenge. But I've never let it stop me – I just finished my first novel and I'm working on getting it published."
2. If you can make a girl laugh: A touch of humor can be incredibly attractive, especially if it shows you can laugh at yourself. Avoid forced jokes or silly expressions. Instead, say something that sparks conversation and shows a bit of cleverness. Cleverness is alluring.
Examples:
"Self-proclaimed master of the awkward high-five. My success rate is about 60%, but I'm aiming for 70%. Looking for someone who appreciates the art of the near-miss and isn't afraid of a little public embarrassment."
"I once tried to impress a date by cooking a gourmet meal. Let's just say the fire department now knows me by name.”
"Certified expert in the skillful art of assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. Side effects may include excessive sweating, mild cursing, and inexplicable extra screws. Looking for someone to hold the Allen wrench and provide moral support."
3. Show you have ambition and passion: Women are drawn to men who have direction and passion in their lives. Highlight your career, hobbies, or personal goals. Demonstrate that you bring talent, purpose, and fortitude to a relationship without expecting her to share the same interests.
Examples:
"I'm an architect designing sustainable buildings. My dream is to create a home filled with love and laughter, and I'm looking for someone to help me envision it.”
"As a skilled electrician, I take pride in lighting up homes and businesses. My goal is to start my own electrical contracting company, and I'm looking for someone to share in the excitement of building a bright future together."
"I'm a teacher passionate about shaping young minds. I envision a future where we both inspire and support each other's dreams."
4. Respect and consideration: Showcase your respect for others and your kind nature. Mention how you value treating people well and that you're looking for a meaningful connection. Respect and consideration are key to building trust.
Examples:
"I'm a firm believer in equality and mutual support. In my ideal relationship, we're true partners – celebrating each other's successes, shouldering burdens together, and always having each other's backs."
"Respect for boundaries is crucial to me. I understand the importance of personal space and individual pursuits in a relationship. I'm looking for someone who appreciates a healthy balance of togetherness and independence."
"I always make it a point to listen and understand before speaking. Good communication and mutual respect are the foundations of any strong relationship. I'm excited to find someone who values these principles as much as I do."
5. Communicate what you’re looking for: Be clear about what you're seeking in a relationship. Women appreciate knowing what to expect from you. Let her know if you're serious about finding a meaningful connection or just looking for something casual. Honesty about your intentions will attract like-minded individuals.
Examples:
"I'm seeking a deep connection with someone who values personal growth. Let's challenge each other, learn together, and build something meaningful.”
"Not ready for anything serious, but would love to find a dance partner for salsa nights and a willing taste-tester for my experimental cooking adventures.”
"I'm a devoted dad to two amazing kids. Looking for someone who understands the joys and challenges of parenting and is open to building a blended family together."
Remember, your profile is your chance to make a great first impression. By incorporating these elements: authenticity, humor, ambition, respect, and clear communication, you're not just creating a profile; you're painting a picture of the real you.
This approach will help you stand out from the crowd and attract someone who appreciates you for who you truly are. So, take the time to craft your profile thoughtfully. After all, the right person is out there, and your well-crafted profile might just be the key to finding them.
Make every word count and let your true self shine through.
Profile faux pas: Avoiding the exit swipe
Just as a captivating performance can win hearts, certain profile missteps can quickly lose your audience.
Studies show that 80% of online daters unknowingly commit at least one major profile faux pas. By avoiding these common pitfalls, you'll keep potential matches intrigued rather than reaching for the exit. Let's pull back the curtain on these profile blunders and set the stage for your dating success.
1. The cookie-cutter profile
Problem: Using generic phrases like "I love to laugh" or "Looking for my soulmate" makes your profile blend in with countless others. It fails to showcase your unique personality and interests.
Solution: Share specific, unique details about yourself. Instead of "I love traveling," try "I'm on a mission to try the best street food in every country I visit. Next stop: Thailand!"
2. The superficial showcase
Problem: Focusing solely on physical attributes or preferences can make you appear shallow and uninterested in deeper connections.
Solution: Balance mentions of physical interests with insights into your personality and values. "I enjoy staying fit through rock climbing and am looking for someone to share both outdoor adventures and thoughtful discussions."
3. The picky perfectionist
Problem: A long list of must-haves or deal-breakers can make you seem overly demanding and difficult to please.
Solution: Focus on a few key qualities that truly matter to you. "I value kindness, curiosity, and a good sense of humor. Bonus points if you can teach me something new!"
4. The grammar gaffe
Problem: Poor spelling and grammar can give the impression of carelessness or lack of effort. It can be a major turn-off for potential matches who value communication and attention to detail.
Solution: Take the time to proofread your profile carefully. Consider using a spell-check tool or asking a friend to review it. A well-written profile shows respect for yourself and your potential matches and demonstrates that you're willing to put effort into your relationships. (Also see my suggestion below)
5. The downer dude
Problem: Discussing past disappointments or expressing frustration with dating sites, as well as stating "I don't want any drama," can be off-putting. These approaches create a negative first impression and suggest impatience or an unwillingness to navigate the natural ups and downs of relationships.
Solution: Keep your profile upbeat and forward-looking. Showcase your emotional intelligence by saying something like, "Excited about the possibility of meeting someone special and creating a beautiful story together. I value open communication and mutual respect in relationships."
6. The all-about-my-kids show
Problem: While it's important to mention you have children, your entire profile shouldn't revolve around them. This can make it seem like there's no room for a partner in your life.
Solution: Demonstrate that you have room for romance: "Proud dad of two amazing kids, also excited to create new adventures with a special someone."
Remember, you don’t get a second chance to make a good first impression. By avoiding these common pitfalls, you'll craft a profile that keeps your potential matches intrigued and eager to know more.
Bonus tips: My personal dating profile strategies
As your humble dating guru (and secret weapon in the quest for love), I'm going to let you in on a few insider tricks that tie back to the advice we've covered:
1. The dynamic frame capture
Want a photo that captures your best self? Here's a little Hollywood secret: Take a video of yourself (Zoom, FaceTime, Smartphone) and find that perfect moment where you're smiling and looking like a million bucks. Freeze frame, screenshot, and voilà! You've got yourself a profile pic that looks natural and engaging. This method helps you capture a genuine, relaxed expression that static photos often miss.
2. The eyes have it
Remember, it's all in the eyes. That's where the real connection happens. When selecting your photos, choose ones where your eyes appear warm and expressive. You want her to see a soul she'd like to get to know better. If you're unsure, use a dating app's photo ranking feature or ask a trusted friend for their opinion. This ensures your photos convey approachability and sincerity.
3. The AI wingman
After you've poured your heart into writing your profile, consider using AI to refine it. Tools like Perplexity AI can help enhance your profile while keeping it in your voice. Think of it as your personal Cyrano de Bergerac – the smooth-talking, poetic friend who knows exactly how to make you sound irresistible. This digital wordsmith can help polish your words while preserving your authentic voice.
The result? A profile that's engaging and polished, yet still uniquely you. Remember, we're going for enhanced, not completely rewritten, your own charm should still shine through. This modern muse ensures your profile is captivating without losing the essence of who you are.
With these profile-enhancing strategies, you're now equipped to put your best foot forward in the digital dating world. Remember, the goal is to authentically showcase your best self, not to create a false image. Apply these techniques thoughtfully, always staying true to who you are.
Now, armed with a compelling profile and the insights from this guide, you're ready for Prime Time. Take that first step, be the authentic you, and your next great relationship could be just a swipe away.
May your matches be plentiful and your conversations witty. I've helped you get the audition; now it's your turn to shine in the role of “Mr. Right.”
Read more from Arorah Hsien Hsuan
Arorah Hsien Hsuan, Taoist Tantra Coach and Practioner
Arorah Hsien Hsuan is a transformational coach and internationally recognized Tantric practitioner dedicated to empowering individuals through holistic wellness and personal growth. With a rich background in theater and over two decades of experience, Arorah combines her expertise in tantra and Eastern philosophies to inspire profound change in her clients. As the founder of Boston Tantra, Arorah offers workshops and retreats that focus on enhancing intimacy, communication, and self-awareness. Her approach integrates ancient wisdom with contemporary practices, allowing individuals and couples to explore their potential and deepen their relationships.
