Written by: Lisa Treasure, Guest Writer
I saw something on TikTok the other day that made me laugh, but that also perfectly summed up the difference between the generations. When visiting someone’s home, Boomers will turn up unannounced and knock loudly on the door; Gen X will plan their visit and arrive on time; Millennials and Gen Z will avoid visiting altogether, but if they do, they won’t commit to a time and won’t knock on the door. Millennials will text you when they arrive, and Gen Z will simply send you a photo of your front door! Does this sound familiar?
If you’re a parent of a Gen Z kid, it means that your child was born between 1995 and 2012 which probably means you belong to Gen X. But what do these terms mean, and do they have any bearing on the way we parent? There is no denying that there are some obvious differences between the generations, and if you’re anything like me, you spend a lot of time lurching from feeling impressed to feeling completely baffled by the creature you have created. They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but it can also feel like Gen X and Gen Z are from different planets too.
Have you ever found yourself telling your child how kids these days have it too easy? That in your day, you had to get up at 5 am for a paper round before walking twenty miles to school and back every day? I know I have because we tend to expect our children to be like us; to have similar beliefs, morals, ethics, and goals, but is this fair? Can we expect them to be just like us when they have been born into such a different world?
It is hard work being a parent in the modern world. Of course, it is. Trying to support your children and understand all the “woke” things they are talking about when honestly you’re not even sure what “woke” even means. The thing we forget is that Gen Z had something that we never had: access to learning about so many different people and cultures around the globe at the touch of a button.
From an early age, they developed a greater appreciation for diversity and the importance of finding their own unique identity. So, if you are wondering why your child seems so passionate about diversity and inclusion in their lives, it is probably because they are exposed to the experiences, emotions, and challenges of so many different people every single day. On top of that, people seem to be more comfortable being open and honest about issues such as gender identity, sexuality, and race, and they have a worldwide platform to share their stories.
I have found myself questioning my morals and beliefs at times as both my son and daughter regularly challenge them with new perspectives. You can’t get away with anything either, they want a full and detailed explanation for everything you say which has forced me to challenge long-held views that I hadn’t reviewed in years. Remember, each generation is looking at the world through a unique lens and it’s not always easy to see through someone else’s glasses.
There are many benefits of technology, but we have to acknowledge that as parents, we can be quick to see the downside. I know I’m not the only one to wish my child would spend more time in ‘the real world’ or to worry about how much time they spend in front of a screen. Gen Z has been referred to as the loneliest generation for this very reason. However, when I ask my daughter if she feels lonely sitting in her bedroom watching Netflix and Snapchatting her friends, she always says not at all. To her, socialising virtuality is just a natural and effective way to interact.
However, is technology creating a generation that is lacking in social skills? From my experience as a therapist, I would say yes. I see many young people struggling with social anxiety, finding seemingly simple interactions difficult or impossible. Even calling a restaurant to make a reservation can seem daunting and stressful to some. This generation are referred to as ‘snowflakes’ because of this seeming lack of resilience. However, they might argue that the world is changing, and they can just as easily make that reservation on line and that they are actually perfectly suited to today’s modern society.
Another big concern for parents of this techno generation is the all-consuming nature of social media and its potential effect on our children’s mental health. Constantly being exposed to a glorified version of other people’s lives can impact self-confidence. I see young people in my practice all the time struggling with body image and low self-esteem. Although this is not exclusive to Gen Z, the fact that they are surgically attached to their phones, and have never known any different, means they are never away from social media.
Growing up in a generation with authoritarian parents, strict teachers, and a more robust police force, it is hard not to be shocked by the constant questioning of rules, authority, and social norms. Where we were brought up to respect our elders, Gen Zers are more likely to believe that you earn respect through your actions rather than your age. They can even come across as entitled as they start from the premise that everyone is equal no matter what their age, gender, ethnicity, or abilities.
I asked my daughter to share her thoughts about this topic, and this is how she put it:
The thing people forget about snowflakes is their individuality. Maybe they all fall with a similar rhythm, with a similar goal, with a similar delicacy, but if you look closely, you will find that they are all unique. Every one of them has a beautiful, intricate pattern of its own and they can create beautiful things like snowy mountains and frozen lakes. They allow us the freedom to let loose and throw snowballs at each other whilst laughing and making snow angels. It’s hard to trust snowflakes that seem so fragile and it’s frustrating when they break and dissolve at the smallest of things, but the thing with snowflakes is that once you let them fall, they can become something new.
How can we support our Gen Z kid?
Have you ever noticed that the more you ask your child to do something, the less motivated they seem to be to do it? Young people learn from trial and error and so it might be best to let them make their own mistakes and learn valuable lessons from them. This doesn’t mean never saying no to your child or letting them put themselves in dangerous situations; however, they will appreciate being trusted and being involved in setting the boundaries.
In the past, mental health issues were almost seen as a weakness. Things like depression, anxiety, and self-harm weren’t widely understood and were often brushed under the carpet. Physical illness can be easier to spot and treat, but we must talk to our children and encourage them to open up about their mental health. This means being there for them in a non-judgemental way and discussing options for making their struggle more bearable. It’s OK to admit you don’t have all the answers as this honesty will build trust and understanding between you.
Foster their passions and encourage their dreams. As parents, we are most influential when we can work with our child’s existing motivations, rather than trying to get them to feel motivated by our goals. Try and put aside the ideas and wants you had in mind for your child, and start focusing on what they want for themselves. If they have a goal and they are passionate about it, support them with this rather than suppressing it to fit your ideal. Career opportunities are different for them than they were for us.
Treat them with respect and sensitivity. One of the best ways to establish trust between you and your Gen Z child is to respect their boundaries. If they tell you that something makes them uncomfortable, the best thing to do is try to understand and respect this. Acknowledging their feelings shows them that you care and value them and this builds mutual respect and trust.
Support and teach them without ridicule. They may struggle with things you see as straightforward but have patience and compassion. Don’t laugh if they find ordering in a restaurant difficult, be a role model and teach by example.
They also might need help to manage their time better and organise their week. If these are things that your child struggles with, no matter how silly it seems, try and help them through these tasks without making them feel stupid. If this means having to write out a script to help them get through their words or getting them a diary and reminding them to plan out their activities through the week then so be it. If it will help them complete these necessary tasks with ease, then it is going to help them and show them that any hurdles are conquerable.
Be a parent to your child. As parents, we often feel pressure to act like friends to our kids or try and impress them with how cool we are. However, it is important to know that they still need those boundaries. Make sure they understand those boundaries and be consistent with their implementation.
Make that bond stronger by planning spending quality time together. Find compromises with how you spend your time and try new things together.
Your child is still the same child you know and raised, even if it feels like their generation is from another planet sometimes. Though the trials and tribulations of raising a Gen Z teenager can be tough, these tips can help you to better understand your child and come back down to earth together again.
Lisa Treasure, Brainz Magazine Guest Writer
Lisa Treasure is a multi-award-winning therapist who has worked with clients worldwide. Her articles have appeared in various industry publications, and her teachings and methods are best sellers on platforms such as Udemy. Lisa is also a published children’s author, with her debut book for adults due to hit the shelves later this year.
