Written by: Miriam Gauci Bongiovanni, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Feeling like a victim to pain and illness? Here’s why you should change tack!
The word victim is used pretty sparingly nowadays, in different contexts. Being the ‘victim’, after all, gives you the right to be defended, sympathized with and acknowledged, and may bring with it some form of justice or resolve.
But there’s one context in which establishing yourself as the ‘victim’ will only serve to make things worse for you: and that’s the domain of chronic pain and symptoms.
Chronic pain doesn’t ‘just happen’ ‒ it is often bred
We live in a world dominated by fear and insecurity. It’s becoming more evident than ever before that the demands we put on ourselves, as well as our daily sources of stress, fear, rage and resentment, are causing an increase in chronic conditions, the most common being chronic pain.
Chronic pain was already prevalent before the Covid-19 pandemic, but the increased isolation and insecurity during the pandemic has exacerbated the situation even further, especially for those who already suffered from chronic conditions [1].
In my own personal practice, I’ve had dozens of clients who developed chronic symptoms during the pandemic, which we often linked to fears related to illness or financial instability. Others have linked their fresh onset of symptoms to the increased social isolation and decreased opportunities to engage in entertaining activities or hobbies in a spontaneous and carefree manner.
The reason for highlighting the above is to emphasize the crucial link between our negative emotional experiences and any chronic symptoms that may develop. It’s to make it clear that very often, chronic pain doesn’t simply occur due to a past injury or a random illness, but it’s a way in which our body reacts when it is under significant emotional turmoil. This is especially true if pain tends to spread to different areas of the body, or if pain levels are inconsistent. What all this means is that we are not simply ‘victims’ to our pain. Through the way we process our day to day experiences we are, in a sense, the ‘creators of our own pain’. Pain and other symptoms are simply a way in which the body warns us that something is terribly wrong within our emotional landscape. That is a very hard pill to swallow for some. But understanding that you’re not simply the victim is absolutely crucial for chronic pain recovery.
We are all ‘victims’... but the blame game doesn’t work for pain!
In a sense, we are all victims. We’ve all gone through a couple of traumatic experiences (whether we recognize them as traumatic or not), and we’ve all had to grapple with significant challenges in our lives.
But the problem lies in the attachment we tend to develop towards the position of ‘victim’, and the lack of willingness to let go of this stance.
When we experience pain or other chronic conditions, there is usually a strong need to blame it on something outside of our sphere of control. Usually, we blame pain on a past injury, or some other kind of imperfection or condition in the body.
As you put the blame on outside circumstances or physical imperfections that you cannot possibly control, you are absolving yourself of all responsibility ‒ and that feels very satisfying for the ego. After all, who wants to admit to his peers or colleagues that “rage or depression has caused this intense back pain”. Today, such an explanation would be frowned upon, and wouldn’t be a good enough excuse to ask for time off (unless your boss knows something about the mindbody connection!).
This is also why the link between depression and pain is often inverted; in many cases, it’s a build-up of depressive feelings that lead to mindbody pain, and not the other way round. Pain can occur as a result of feeling depressed, especially in people who present with multiple symptoms that are structurally unrelated [2].
But it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it’s the pain that is making us feel depressed, and that we would be totally fine if we weren’t in pain. This story kind of justifies our depressed state, because we can now blame our depression solely on our pain, and drift further away from other emotional factors, such as the way our relationships are dissolving, or a toxic work environment. Sometimes, the root cause of our emotional distress feels just too uncomfortable to acknowledge.
So what happens very often is that we try to treat the symptoms and those parts of the body that are blamed for pain, in order to get rid of this physical inconvenience.
But if it’s chronic mindbody symptoms that you’re dealing with, this strategy often fails. Sometimes, even surgery fails to rid people of their chronic pain, even though it ‘fixes’ the imperfection that had been blamed as the original cause of pain!
If instead, we were to recognize that our emotions have a part to play in pain perception as well as in pain onset, then we would be admitting to our responsibility. We would be acknowledging that we also have a role to play in our predicament. And most people want to reject that.
But it’s only by doing so that you can reclaim your power.
Ditching the Victim as part of the MindBody Syndrome approach If you get over the qualms associated with digging deep within, taking responsibility is the very thing that can give you back your power, and which will eventually pave the way for recovery.
As you acknowledge the link between certain feelings and your pain, and start to release some of those pent up fears or rage, you might find that the symptoms will dissolve or fade into the background. The issue with holding on to the position of victim is that it will keep you stuck in a state of helplessness. And helplessness is one of the worst fuels for pain. When we feel like victims to our pain, we feel like we have no control over the symptoms, and because of that we get terribly scared that things might get worse, or that our body will break down forever. The power of our expectation combined with our fears and depressive state, actually initiates the pain response, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps repeating itself. But what if you could stop and even reverse this process?
I am a Pain Coach in the field of MindBody Syndrome. MindBody Syndrome refers to a host of chronic conditions that can be linked to emotional factors like rage, insecurity and fear. Very often, people are unaware or only partially aware of such emotional factors. The MindBody Syndrome approach looks at the psychological causes of pain and chronic symptoms, once the individual has ruled out serious conditions that require medical intervention. Very often, those who turn to this approach have already gone through various treatments for their pain or symptoms, with little to no success. As part of the approach, learning how to let go of the victim mentality is crucial, because the individual needs to believe that he or she can take control of some of the emotions and behaviours that are fuelling the pain response. This requires releasing pent up rage, admitting to one’s fears and frustrations, stepping out of any self-denial regarding a specific issue, as well as learning how to react differently when pain or symptoms hit. Healing in this sense involves a shift from victim to ‘master’ of your wellbeing. Really and truly, it is a shift in confidence and perspective, which will get you to ditch beliefs that do not serve you (the most common one being the belief that part of your body is weak or forever broken!)
A brave feat that’s not for everyone!
Letting go of the victim mentality and starting to look deep within requires immense courage ‒ and this is the reason why the MindBody Syndrome approach is not yet ‘all out there’. Some people will never be ready to face the sheer intensity of their emotions, and prefer to keep blaming their pain and misfortunes on things that they cannot control. It is a choice that I respect ‒ because the individual may feel that he or she is not in the ideal place and time to be able to safely embark on such tough emotional upheaval. That said, my venture PainOutsidetheBox is there for those who have truly had enough of their pain or symptoms, and who are willing to explore the underlying emotional causes and their own role in the generation of symptoms. So if you find yourself slipping into your usual victim-speak, constantly voicing to yourself or others how unlucky you are to have this or that symptom or condition, I encourage you to stop for a moment.
How about asking your pain what it’s about instead? Why not start some detective work, to determine what might have triggered your flare-up, besides structural causes? The same beliefs, thought processes and reactions will lead to the same outcomes. So why not try something different next time?
Miriam Gauci Bongiovanni, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Miriam is a certified Holistic Life Coach and MindBody Practitioner specializing in chronic pain recovery. After having overcome debilitating symptoms herself by working with the mindbody connection, she continued to study the psychology of chronic pain and pain neuroscience. Miriam founded her coaching and educational venture, PainOutsidetheBox, as part of her vision to educate people on the connection between chronic pain and the brain. Miriam now coaches clients internationally, empowering them to eliminate pain, resume physical activity and reclaim their lives. She is also the author of an internationally-accredited MindBody Syndrome Practitioner Course delivered by the MindBodyFood Institute, and runs a self-paced Pain Recovery Program for chronic pain sufferers on her website, www.painoutsidethebox.com.
References:
[1] Carrillo-de-la-Peña, María T.a,*; González-Villar, Albertob; Triñanes, Yolandaa, ‘Effects of the COVID-19 pandemic on chronic pain in Spain: a scoping review’, PAIN Reports: Volume 6 ‒ Issue 1 ‒ p e899
[2] Madhukar H. Trivedi, M.D., ‘The Link Between Depression and Physical Symptoms’, Prim Care Companion J Clin Psychiatry. 2004; 6(suppl 1): 12–16.
