Written by: Mari Carmen Pizarro, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
What we verbalize, how we speak, what we don't say, our idioms, signals, pitch, breath — there are a myriad of ways by which we share our thoughts and ideas with those around us.
The human communication system is remarkably varied and complex. Yet, among all those differences, there is one thing that remains the same: the more truthful we are with what we say, the more influential we become.
Speaking truthfully often requires courage, and sometimes, a shift in the way we think. It means owning our decisions about what we do and how we spend our time. This kind of ownership is powerful, and will affect not only the way you lead but also the way others see you.
Check out these three communication spotlights that will change the way you lead:
Saying, "I can't" when you mean “I won’t”
Saying "we" when you mean "I"
Saying, "I don’t have time"
Tips for Owning Your Decisions and Saying What You Mean
1. Saying "I can't" when you mean "I won't"
When we "can't" do something, it's because we don't have the knowledge or skill to do it. In contrast, when we "won't" do something, it's because we simply do not want to.
But what happens when we say "I can't" and we really mean "I won't"?
For example: I can't quit my job; I can't relax; I can't work out; I can't deal with this issue now… These statements let us off the hook because the failure associated with any of those"I can'ts" is not ours to own. After all, if we "can't" do something, it is not our fault.
While telling the truth may be harder, it can also be very empowering at the same time.
Try this:
Tell the truth. For example: I've decided I won't quit my job; I've decided I won't relax; I've decided I won't work out; I've decided I won't deal with this issue now…
Use "I won't" as a statement that you have made a decision and you are brave enough to own it.
Using "I can't" and "I won't" appropriately allows you to take full responsibility for your decisions rather than making excuses.
2. Saying "we" when you mean "I"
There is a place for "we." One example is when "we" is used as a way of giving praise to your team. However, using "we" to manipulate situations is not cool. For example, "We must get this fixed right away," said the manager who has no intentions of helping.
"We" is also misused when a manager makes a decision, and somehow, with the use of "we," the decision suddenly belongs to an entire group. "We decided to reduce headcount," said the boss who made the decision unilaterally.
Why do people say "we" when they mean "I."
They are not willing to take ownership of a hard decision.
They want to bring others on board (even when they don't have agreement or alignment.)
They are not telling the whole truth. When this happens, there is a tendency to use "we" more often or even eliminate first-person pronouns completely.
Try this:
Check your intention. If you intend to work alongside the other to find a solution, use "we." If it's not, consider where your participation ends and where delegation to the other begins.
Own the power of your position. If you are in a situation that affords you the right to make decisions for the group, own that.
3. Saying "I didn't have the time"
Right now, at this very moment, there are hundreds of committed humans who are busier than you doing the thing you "don't have time" for.
You have enough time; I have enough time. Not accepting this fact borders on irresponsibility, and here is why.
Why do we say “I didn’t have the time?”
We overcommit and over-estimate our ability to deal with interruptions, and therefore, "we don't have the time."
Our need to be liked drives us to say yes to please others (when we should be saying no), and therefore, "we don't have the time."
We procrastinate to do something, but we don't dare to admit that, so we say, "I didn't have the time."
Our priorities are blurry and not clear.
Try this:
Check your "to do" list every day and prioritize your tasks. Confirm that every task, activity, or meeting in your calendar is tied to a more significant project, aspiration, or goal.
Put the tasks you have decided are a priority in your calendar.
Be honest with the time you assign for every task, including breaks and meal times. You will find out that there are tasks you will not be able to complete or that you can delegate or eliminate, not because you "didn't have the time" but because you chose other priorities.
Communication is key. Whether in the market, in the church, at the boardroom table, or at the dinner table, we have countless opportunities to lead with our words and say exactly what we mean.
Make it a practice to own your decisions, especially the hard ones. You will end up building a reputation for being a forthcoming and bold leader.
Mari Carmen Pizarro, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mari Carmen Pizarro is the Founder of Whole Leadership Systems, and Chief Human Resources Officer at Avet Pharmaceuticals, Inc. She is also the creator of The International Women’s Leadership Academy. With over 30 years of experience in leadership and human performance, Mari Carmen is an expert at integrating emotional intelligence with influence and leadership. Mari Carmen is a seasoned Executive Coach, High Performance instructor, Keynote speaker and TEDx presenter.
