Written by: Rachael Downie, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Many people self-sabotage without knowing it, or if you are aware of it, you don’t know how to stop it. You may not be aware of the self-sabotaging behaviours, thoughts, and feelings that are holding you back. Your subconscious mind sees self-sabotage as self-preservation, a way to safeguard and defend you from the unknown.
Self-sabotage, according to the google definition, is the behaviours or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do. Self-sabotaging behaviours get in the way of your intent, of your bigger dreams and goals. You can put a stop to self-sabotage. It starts by understanding the thoughts and feelings that are driving unwanted behaviours.
“Self-sabotage is like driving with your foot on the accelerator and the brake pedal at the same time.” It doesn’t matter how hard you press the accelerator you are not going to reach your destination with your other foot firmly planted on the brake”.
Would you agree that you have done something, thought something, or behaved in some way that has created problems for yourself getting from where you are to where you want to be?
Your subconscious probably sees self-sabotage as some form of self-preservation, a way to defend yourself even if it’s not.
Some of your self-sabotage is so subtle that it is easy to miss. One of the things I wanted to do was to create some awareness for you about what sabotage is for you personally and what are some of the ways that you can move through it.
A lot of the beliefs/behavior starts as a child. Something has happened in your life back then and you decided “I am not going to do that. I don’t want to ever feel like that again”. And that thought pattern as a 6, 8, or 10-year-old is still controlling you with habitual behaviors/ beliefs that are playing out in your life as an adult, and no longer serving you.
You are aware of some of the behavior but you are still doing them.
If you are feeling bad you can guarantee you are having self-sabotaging thoughts like:
I am too tired.
I am too busy.
It is too hard.
I am not smart.
I can’t be bothered.
I deserve the biscuit because I worked out today.
I don’t think I am a good leader.
I have too much to do.
I don’t look nice.
Which cause feelings of:
Blame
Fear
Guilt
Shame
Beating yourself up with thoughts that cause these feelings.
Self-sabotage is a state of mind, a type of attitude that you have. It all starts in your mind. You have a precursor thought that triggers you to feel a certain way which then causes or stops you from behaving a certain way.
There are lots of things that people do to escape feeling bad. You may be escaping your emotions and how you feel by watching television, scrolling through social media, watching movies, reading books, drinking, using prescription and non-prescriptive drugs, exercising, and a whole host of other activities to take your attention off your emotional pain long enough so that you can push it back down.
You may be used to feeling down and that has become the normal state of affairs.
You learn at a young age to become more responsible to other people’s expectations of you then to the needs of your own emotional well-being.
What are the ways that you sabotage?
What are some sabotaging thoughts?
What are some sabotaging feelings?
What are some sabotaging actions?
Sneaky thoughts like:
“I am not good enough”, “I can go without “, “I might let someone down”,
“What will people think? “, “I don’t have time”, “I’m so stupid”, “I never look nice”, “I don’t have enough time”, “I don’t have enough money”.
Are there more?
Keep digging to find out what is in that mind of yours.
Ask yourself “What am I settling for?” “Why am I continuously talking myself out of what I want? This will cause you to think. Just doing this will expand your awareness.
How are these thoughts impacting me and what I am doing? Be really specific.
Self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviours all come from beliefs of unworthiness and not feeling good enough. Many people are in harmony with feeling guilty. Feeling guilty is their modus operandi. Their cause and effect. Feeling guilty is the normal way of life and they keep attracting circumstances, people, and events that will cause them to feel guilty. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it. But this is how it works. One of the key changes you can make that will move you away from self-sabotage and feeling guilty is to start being kind to yourself. I know when working with clients that this is not an easy thing for people to do. They are so good at being ‘kind” to everyone else around them but showing kindness to themselves is a different language. To even list ways of how you could be kind to yourself can cause resistance as it isn’t in harmony with the guilt. If you really think about it, you would never speak to someone the way that you speak to yourself in your head, would you? You can be your worst enemy with the comments that you make and the criticism. You want to learn to speak to and treat yourself as you would your best friend.
Becoming aware of these self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours is like weeding in the garden. You know in spring when all the weeds are coming up? If you don’t’ continue to pull the weeds out all the new seedlings that you have planted get covered over. You have to find the good stuff, nurture it, and remove the weeds.
"Whatever you plant in your subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality". – Earl Nightingale.
To change the behavior on the outside, you’ve got to change what is on the inside. This comes as a result of rewiring the brain through repetition and autosuggestion. The two most important words are “I am”. Everything you say after these words become your truth. You give direct instruction to your subconscious mind.
What would you like to think instead?
How would you like to feel?
I am good enough
I am confident
I can take the first step
I have all the time I need
I am safe
I can do this
I am beautiful
I am able to take the first step
I am capable of changing my habits permanently
I am able to find all the time I need
I a good at what I do
I am able to have beautiful thoughts
I am able to fuel my body with great food
I am healthy
These statements are more powerful statements to be feeding your mind with. This is a choice. Make a decision moving forward that you are going to feel good. Nothing is more important than feeling good. This will help you to minimize the self-sabotaging behaviours and thoughts and replace them with more empowering ones
Happy Weeding!
Rachael Downie, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Is your mindset holding you back in your business? Rachael Downie is a successful mentor and someone who is truly focused on converting your thinking into results. Rachael works with a variety of individuals, businesses, and CEOs both locally and internationally - simply because we all have the same blockages, doubts, limited thinking, money, and staffing issues. (and if you don't, you are probably one of the 3% who is an unconscious competent, who may find it difficult to transfer your success skills to your staff or family). Rachael loves helping you create success not only in your business but also in other areas of your life.
