Written by: Adele Chee, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The fear of judgement is the feeling of insecurity that a person experiences due to their dislike of negative evaluations for something different that they are about to do. Humans like positive evaluations for anything that they do because they equate this as being accepted. Being accepted is important for social creatures like us. This is completely valid. However, we were raised to believe that we need acceptance to survive. This is inaccurate.
This human need for validation has held us back more than we’re willing to confess; where our acceptance into a fold is focused on what we are instead of who we are as a person.
So, how do you unlearn something that has been seemingly inculcated as part of your survival instinct?
Here is my 4-step model to overcome your fear of judgement and achieve your goals: E.A.S.E. ‒ Evaluate, Accept, Separate, Execute.
Evaluate
Evaluate the matters at stake. If they pertain directly to you ‒ in particular, your hopes and dreams for yourself ‒ the only validation you need is whether they align to your own values and purpose.
Be shrewd when considering who to consult or what to confide them in, for these matters that are important to you. Bear in mind that even with the best of intentions, their concern and advice will be coming from their perspectives. Also, unless they are physically and financially supporting you, their speech only carries the weight of spoken words.
Accept
Accept that you can’t please everyone and it is not your responsibility to. Your accountability is to yourself. That means that the only person you need to please is yourself. I’ve been brought up to live by this principle ‒ as long as you have peace within for what you want to do and it doesn’t burden others, go for it!
Recognize and acknowledge that everyone has their own yardstick for what is right and wrong, good and bad, success and failure. Hence, live by your own measure ‒ again, as long as what you do doesn’t impede on others.
Separate
Separate your goals from your person. That is, if you miss the mark, the act of achieving your ambition was unsuccessful, but you, you are NOT unsuccessful. You are your values, strengths, passions and purpose. You are not your accomplishments and failures.
Learn to discern self-talk versus what others are saying about you. Most of the time, the fear of judgement really stems from our own judgement of ourselves rather than what others tell us.
It is worth conceding that we live in a more self-centred world than we care to admit. Therefore, catch yourself when you sense that you’re going down the rabbithole of asking yourself “would so-and-so be thinking ‘this’ or ‘that’ of me?” ‒ is this you projecting your own criticism or has so-and-so actually said ‘this’ or ‘that’ to your face? Because let’s face it, so-and-so is most likely not thinking about you at all, let alone thinking ‘this’ or ‘that’ of you.
Another helpful approach for this is to recognise that we all have our own dreams to live. No one else can nor want to live your dreams because those are yours and they’ve got their own to strive for. Hence, no one else can talk you into or out of achieving your dreams, only you can.
Execute
There's no better way to shut the naysayers up (this includes your own self-talk) than proving them wrong. The only way to do this is to execute your plans.
When you take action, you experience the “judgement” in real-time. Going through the motions will give you better clarity of your goals and the way you’re going about to achieve it, as you reevaluate to ensure that they still align with your values, strengths, passions and purpose.
Having the certainty of what you really want and whether your approach is on the right track or not, will help you make a better judgement call on your next steps. This includes refining or even changing your goals entirely, because there is no shame in doing and realising that what you originally wanted is not meant for you or not meant for you at this present moment. In fact, you’re now all the wiser with proof of experience and should wear this like a badge of honour.
Start overcoming your fear of judgement with E.A.S.E. today and be accepted for who you are rather than what you are. That is, a person who has dreams and the courage to go after them!
Want to work with me and put E.A.S.E. into practice for yourself? Schedule a FREE call with me and let’s get you started.
If you found this article insightful, I would love to hear what resonated with you. Please connect with me on LinkedIn with me to share your thoughts.
For more info on the work that I do, please visit my website!
Adele Chee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Adele is a transition coach and mentor. Committed to seeing a world filled with thriving individuals living their lives authentically, she is on a mission to empower 1 million people to recognize their true worth and set goals that would truly enrich their lives as well as those around them. For this reason, she has created the S.P.A.R.K.© self-alignment model and program to help professionals and entrepreneurs around the world leverage their strengths and overcome their fears to transition into having a purpose-driven life.
She believes that having clarity and alignment of one’s values, strengths, vision, and purpose, “core elements” oneself is essential in enabling a person to take ownership and be the agent of their own life. This is because when you are certain of who you are and what you want, and they are in alignment, you will live your life authentically as you achieve ambitions that fulfill you.
Her idea of a fulfilling life is to live a life of choice where you can achieve your dreams without succumbing to the pressures of society. Her determination and resilience to experience this life aspiration see her realize her 3 life goals travel the globe, help others lead a better life, and write, alongside her successful 15-year international corporate career prior to starting her own coaching practice during a global pandemic.
