Written by: Diana M Gonzales-Ricard, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As a young girl, I wanted to become a teacher. Not very original, I know. Unlike my own child who, at 7 or 8, decided that I should record her fixing issues with my iPhone so that we would submit them to Apple when she turns 18, be hired by them and then finish her studies to ultimately land a job at NASA where she will be an astronaut, I wanted to teach. When that dream died, I decided I needed to save the dogs and cats of the world. In the 5th or 6th grade, I attempted to start a campaign in my class to Save the Seals.
My dream of veterinary work died by the time I was an adolescent, realizing it would be too painful to have to put an animal down or tell a guardian that a beloved pet could not be saved. It was okay, though. By this time, I had discovered Stephen King. It was in 7th grade that I asked my father if I could read Pet Semetary. And while it is not one of his better books, I was hooked. For every Xmas and birthday thereafter, I received at least one Stephen King book. I wanted to be the female Stephen King.
In high school, while still dreaming of being an author, I decided I wanted to be an English major and, if I couldn’t be a best-selling author who had her own brownstone in Greenwich Village, I would work as either an English professor or a book editor. The closest I came was working in trade publishing as a sales assistant, marketing coordinator and, finally, publisher’s assistant.
I was about 26 when I decided that trade publishing was no longer it for me and I needed to do more with my life. Being an impulsive person, when the idea struck me, I ran with it. So, I found Springfield College which would allow me to complete my B.S. in 16 months (accepting my A.A. which I’d earned in 2000). This program sounded great. And I must say, it was. Until this program, I had never heard of critical thinking, but it was actually a foundational course. What doing this program meant was that I would be in school the first two weekends of every month. Each class met only four times per semester for one full day each time. Missing one class meant negatively impacting one’s ability to get a good grade. Missing two meant failure. In February 1998, I began the 230-mile drive up to Springfield, MA from Bronx, NY at 5:30am Saturday morning, returning Saturday night, only to do it again at 5:30am Sunday morning. No matter the weather, I did it, never missing one class. I graduated in August 2000 and began graduate school in September 2000, with no chance to breathe. Mercifully, graduate school was at Lincoln Center in Manhattan, an easy train ride away.
It has been almost 20 years since I graduated from Fordham University with a Master’s in Social Work. In my career, I have worked in early intervention, with the developmentally delayed, the medically frail, geriatrics, hospice and palliative care and outpatient mental health. It was not until two years ago that my husband convinced me to open my own practice, something I was fearful to do because I was taught one must always have a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health care.
The past two years have been a roller coaster ride. In addition to starting my own practice, I have started a group practice, become a certified hypnotherapist, certified dog trainer and started my own dog rescue which is a registered 501c3 (that dream of saving animals never did die).
What have I learned?
It is not possible to save everyone; that goes for people as well as animals. Since COVID hit, my practice exploded and that meant often working 60 hours per week, on top of being a mother to a teenager and having anywhere between 10-20 dogs in my house, training them and trying to get them adopted. I don’t have a cape in my trunk, nor a magic wand in my satchel. Setting limits on how many people I take on, how many dogs I take on is necessary.
It is imperative to put my own oxygen mask on first. Everyone has been on a plane and gone through what to do in the event of a crash landing emergency. When the oxygen masks drop, the rule is one must put on one’s own mask first because it is impossible to help anyone else without being able to breathe.
Take vacations. This is hard when one is doing rescue out of one’s own home. Fortunately, my husband does support me when I need time off. That is what allowed me to take my daughter for a week-long trip to Costa Rica this past August as well as an overnight trip to Atlanta to see Metallica for her 15th birthday.
It’s okay to do nothing. There are blocks of time when one can find me just staring into space, lying on the floor with the dogs, or otherwise checked out. A brain is like a computer. Putting it to sleep is okay, but one must completely power down every now and again to maximize the capabilities of the machine.
Exercise. Despite my schedule, one can find me at the gym, five mornings a week where I am doing cardio and weights. I often have a kick-ass playlist going of old school Metallica, System of a Down, Deftones, Nine Inch Nails, Megadeth, etc.
Laugh at yourself. This is something I have become especially comfortable with since becoming a mother. If one has gone through the experience of pregnancy and labor, it is evident that it is impossible to die from embarrassment. I will regularly break out into song and dance in a store to mortify my kid and have even skipped across Barnes & Noble for the hell of it.
Laugh. Just laugh for the hell of it. There is nothing more empowering than laughter. It immediately breaks any tension.
Listen to music. Have a happy playlist. While it may sound very contrived, the song Happy is my go-to when I need something to make me feel better. It hits the dopamine levels in a way that makes it impossible not to move or sing along and I always feel happier after listening to it.
Check-in with yourself. Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it still serving you? Does a dream or goal need to be modified? Are you in it for the right reasons?
Be patient and kind with yourself. You are not always going to get it right. Sometimes you are going to fuck up… ROYALLY. It’s okay. Everyone does. What matters is how you handle it when you do realize you’ve messed up.
Stop looking for validation from external forces. This one is a big one and it has been why this has been such a hard piece for me to write. I am at a point in life where external validation means nothing. I can recall my mother saying that if she could return to any age, it would be 40. When I reached my 40’s, I understood why. I have accomplished a lot in my 48 years, especially in the past two. I don’t need anyone pointing it out to me. That’s not arrogance. This comes from doing the things I do for the right reasons, not because someone lauds me for it. All of the good I do is done because it is the right thing to do. Not because I need praise for it. I have also come to learn that the moment I look to something or someone to validate me, they also have the power to invalidate me. I validate myself.
Believe in something. I don’t care if it’s a higher power or a cause. Just believe in something that benefits someone or something more than your own needs.
Diana M. Gonzales-Ricard, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Diana M Gonzales-Ricard is the owner and clinical director of Mi Alegria Psychotherapy LCSW PLLC, as well as the owner and president of Big D's Big Dog Rehab. Diana was working in trade publishing when she decided to return to school for her Master's degree in Social Work with the intent of destigmatizing mental illness as well as making help more easily accessible. Throughout her career, she has worked in various settings from early childhood intervention to end of life hospice care. Her specific areas of expertise are OCD, trauma and anxiety disorders. In addition, Diana is a certified hypnotherapist and EFT Practitioner. Her love for dogs inspired her to become a certified dog trainer, as well, and when she is not at her psychotherapy practice, she is focused on rehabbing the dogs she rescues from high-kill southern shelters with the hope of placing them in forever homes.
