Written by: Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I remember one night, exhausted from a long day of work and parenting, looking around at piles of clutter, remnants of a busy week scattered around the kitchen counters. I sighed. I reached out to pick up a pile of papers and bills… then hesitated. I thought back to a time when I would find myself up late hours trying to fit in everything I thought I had to accomplish in a day and realized how truly tired that I was. I pulled my hand away, turned on my heels, and said to myself, “It will not get done now.”
Such a seemingly small moment was a reflection of a state of mind that plagued me for years; the feeling that I had to “do it all”. I was always a perfectionist, but when I started becoming aware of just how much I was trying to put on my plate, I knew boundaries had to be set if I was going to live a happy and healthy life. The impact of the burnout, overwhelm, and exhaustion that can come from perfectionism is real and manifest in our physical, mental, and emotional health. Normalizing imperfection means you stop chasing an ideal narrative; and here are three reasons that you start:
1. Doing “all the things” is an illusion; not reality
Feeling as if you are never doing enough, and what you are doing isn’t enough is a perspective that can be a life-long struggle if you allow it. We rush around; doing a lot and feeling like we don’t do a lot well. We try to keep up, do “all the things”, yet we find ourselves overworked, overtaxed, and overwhelmed. What we need is a shift in how we see our lives and what we are doing so that we don’t live in an unhealthy state of trying to achieve a standard that compromises our happiness and self-worth. Normalizing imperfection doesn’t have to mean lowering your standard, not setting goals and striving to achieve them, or settling. It is about acknowledging the insidious and harmful affects of trying to achieve ideals or standards that are likely leading to unhealthy perceptions and habits. It is about having healthy boundaries and a growth mindset so that you are able to make mistakes and learn from those lessons as opposed to having unrealistic ideals that leave you feeling defeated.
2. We live in a society that idealizes doing more
You may have heard the expression that no one on their death bed wishes they “worked more”. We live in a culture and society that idealizes achievement. From 60 hour work weeks to parenting, side-hustles, and keeping up with social media and endless inboxes; for many, it may feel like a constant struggle to keep up.
Living with the illusion that it is “doable” or beneficial to accomplish everything on our “to do” list only leads to burnout and overwhelm. We spread ourselves so thin that we leave ourselves sleep-deprived and lacking in self-care and downtime. We don’t take time for our brains to unplug or to play. Our bodies and minds need rest to reset and recharge. Without the time and space to do this; we suffer in our health and social-emotional health.
3. Now, more than ever, social media and technology have added even more distractions to our lives
From keeping up with multiple social media platforms to endless hours behind computer screens, we need to recognize the role tech plays in our lives. Do you ever ponder that weekly update of screen time hours your phone provides? Do you feel the need to keep up with multiple platforms or stay connected to email even though it robs you of being present with those you care about or cuts into the time you could spend “unplugging” so you can rest and recharge? When was the last time you took a technology detox? Or went several hours without a device at your fingertips? The distractions of social media and tech are built to keep us “on” as much as possible, feeding the algorithms and staying connected; but at a cost. Often we are left feeling inadequate or lacking because of how we perceive; how we see others living their lives or achieving the success that we desire. Realizing that these are only perceptions and narratives, and not truths or measures of worth or value, can save us from feeling that we are not enough.
Taking breaks and setting boundaries with technology can alleviate the stress, overwhelm, and anxiety that can be created by access to unlimited information streaming constantly. Designating set hours you are, and aren’t, on technology creates healthy habits and boundaries that contribute to your quality of live and overall well-being.
If you find yourself chasing an ideal that you leaves you in a constant cycle of exhaustion, reflect on the narrative you are believing. You may look around and see all that isn’t done, where you haven’t “arrived”, or what goals you haven’t reached; but this way of thinking can be damaging. You are human. There are great gifts that lie in stepping back, taking the time to rest, play, and just be. Not only do you owe this yourself; you may just find yourself reaping the benefits it brings.
Kristen Bilodeau, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Personal Development and Marriage Coach, Kristen Bilodeau leads women through their own personal journey of finding their voice, healing their marriage, and releasing their inner wild woman. As a woman who struggled in her own journey to self-awareness and truth in her life and marriage, Kristen uses the power of a woman’s story as the tool and catalyst for change, healing, and growth. She helps women uncover their truth through questioning and reflection so that they are able to be the creator of their experiences and thrive as the woman they were meant to be.
