Written by Polly O'Keeffe, Baby Sleep Consultant
Polly O'Keeffe, a Certified Baby Sleep Consultant, specialises in helping children aged 0-5 develop healthy sleep habits. She works 1:1 with parents to choose methods that suit the family dynamic and the child's temperament. Polly believes babies communicate uniquely, and by listening, we can tailor sleep strategies to their sleep needs.
When our mothers and grandmothers had their children, they were blessed to have a community nearby to help them. The ease of travel in the last 3 decades means that now it’s more common for us to live away from our childhood home. If you live only a few hours away, count yourself as one of the lucky ones. Some of us, like myself, live 7+ hours away.
However, living away from family means we now must do ourselves what our ancestors had help doing. It really does take a village to raise a child, and being a non-support parents means your village is infinitely smaller. Therefore, here is some practical advice centred around sleep to help you look after your newborn baby in the first few months.
Establish a good bedtime routine
Night sleep is the first to develop in babies, and newborn babies can start to recognise a routine as little as 6 weeks old. Having a good wind down that starts with a quick bath, or a simple top & tail with a warm cloth can help your baby relax.
Sleep environment
Recreate the same environment as your baby had in the womb. Having a dark and noisy sleep environment will help your baby drift off faster and stay asleep longer. Use blackout blinds and a white noise machine for best effect.
The white noise machine is to block out any external noise in the environment. It should, therefore, be placed at least 2 meters away from the baby or at the source of noise (windows or doors). The level of the white noise machine should be like a running shower, around 50-55 decibels and it would run for the duration of the period of sleep.
Use a nightlight for those middle-of-the-night feeds. However, I do recommend turning it off once you are done and the baby is back in the cot.
Newborn sleep space
The recommendation is that you share a room with your baby for the first 6-12 months so you can respond quicker to your baby. It is not recommended to share the same sleep space with a newborn baby. If you would like to bed-share, I recommend doing some research into safe sleep to avoid S.I.D.S (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
Your baby’s cot should not have any loose objects like blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals. You also don’t need to install cot bumpers because the safety they claim to have doesn’t outweigh the risk they pose. Simply put, your baby’s cot should only have a firm mattress and a fitted sheet.
Back to sleep and tongue-tie
If you are pregnant and haven’t been told that you should put your baby to sleep on their back, then don’t worry, you will be told time and time again. This is because it is safer for your baby, and it dramatically reduces the chances of S.I.D.S.
However, if you find your baby dislikes sleeping on their back, if they seem like they are in discomfort or have difficulty breathing, you may want to get baby checked for a tongue-tie. Bloom, the Centre for Sleep and Airway Health, located in Denver, USA, has found a connection between the two. Therefore, if you have any concerns, get your doctor’s opinion, and don’t be scared to seek a second or third opinion.
Swaddling your baby
Even a healthy and happy baby will have trouble going to sleep alone in a cot. This is because for the past nine months (or almost ten if you’re one of the lucky ones like me) your baby was in a dark and super tight space. In order to practice healthy sleep habits you should place the baby down in the cot calm and awake, however, accomplishing it is another thing altogether.
Using a swaddle helps to recreate the tightness your baby felt in the womb, and you will have a much higher chance of placing the baby down awake in the cot. Your baby has a reflex called the Moro reflex, which is activated when they think they are falling. Their arms go up and they startle awake.
Some babies also like specific swaddles, so don’t feel discouraged if the first one you try doesn’t work. If you are having to place your baby down asleep, first get your baby used to being swaddled and continue placing them down asleep. Once they are used to having the swaddle on, start placing them down drowsy and work towards the ultimate goal of keeping them down calm and awake.
Want a swaddle recommendation? Try the Butterfly Swaddle and use the code 'pollyslittleangels' for a 10% discount.
Colic
Colic is diagnosed when a baby cries for more than three hours, for more than three days, and for longer than three weeks. Just reading that is overwhelming, so if your baby has been diagnosed with colic, I am truly sorry, it’s tough, but here are a few things that will help you get through it.
Newborn babies can get overwhelmed very easily as well, and when their senses get overstimulated, they need to let it out and complain. The only way they can is by crying. To avoid your baby getting too overstimulated, have friends/family come by during the morning; babies are extra sensitive after 3 pm. In the evening dim the lights and create a soothing environment, any time after 3/4 pm.
If your baby is having a colic episode, strip them down to make sure there is nothing bothering them. These colicky babies are sensitive, so even the tag on the onesie can set them off. Change the diaper and clothes, and if that doesn’t work, just calmly hold them.
Never aggressively rock them to make them sleep; think less is more, and that goes for hands. The fewer people trying to calm them, the better. But if you are going through this alone, and you are feeling overwhelmed by the crying, remember that it’s ok to put the baby down in the cot (in a safe place), and take a few minutes to take a few deep breaths. Staying calm will help the baby calm faster.
Ask for help and accept when offered
The weeks leading up to your birth you were “nesting”, which meant the house was spotless. Now, it’s all upside-down and dishes are piling up. As a non-support parent myself, I, too, felt the guilt when people told me to sleep when the baby slept. How could I when there were so many things to do around the house?
Always sleep for the night ahead, so if you have no help, your baby’s first nap will most likely be the easiest, therefore take this time to have a nap yourself. For the second nap, use a sling so baby sleeps while you catch up on a few things. Being busy around the house might help lull your little one and if they are easily woken by sounds, try a portable sound machine.
If you have friends and family around who can’t come over during the day to help, ask them to cook a few meals at the weekends that you can freeze. And if they can come over have them hold baby while you take a shower or instead of handing them the baby, hand them the hoover.
Let your partner help
I breastfed my baby, but my husband also wanted to be part of this amazing part of parenting, he too wanted to feed our child. So, from the beginning, it was his job to offer a bedtime bottle. This along with other little jobs, like changing diapers, bathing (well we shared this one), handing her to me when she woke at night (so I didn’t have to get out of bed), and he also took her out every evening during her last nap so I would have a calming shower and spend some time alone. It was just 30-40 minutes, but it was heaven, which leads me into the next topic.
Take some time for yourself
Before having a baby, you were you. You were a woman with interests and hobbies and it’s ok to miss this woman. Like I said before, I breastfed my baby, and because of that, the first few weeks, I felt like I constantly had my breasts out. I felt like the girl fed every 30 minutes. Just as I was done with all the feeding, burping, and changing, and I was beginning to think about getting changed out of my pajamas, she would start crying, needing to feed again.
All this can become overwhelming very fast, so taking some time to reconnect with the person you were before will help you stay focused and present.
Need more help?
For all the DIY parents who want to rock all aspects of your baby, check out my Newborn guide available on my website, Polly’s Little Angels.
Feeling overwhelmed and need someone to virtually hold your hand? I also have a 1:1 newborn support with a personalised sleep plan and 1 month of support. Just click here to check it out.
Are you not sure what the best step for you is and want to talk it over? Click here to book a free 15-minute consultation.
Read more from Polly O'Keeffe
Polly O'Keeffe, Baby Sleep Consultant
Polly O'Keeffe has been where you are. Having experienced extreme sleep deprivation herself, Polly was many times advised to leave her baby to cry because "that is the only way your baby will sleep through the night."
Determined to find a gentler solution, Polly is now dedicated to showing the world that babies can learn sleep independence through gentle methods that strengthen the parent-child bond.
