Written by: Lesli Dullum Tutterrow, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
What does it feel like to be in your workplace? What do you notice as you drive to work or click on your first zoom meeting?
Whether you are the CEO of your company, in a leadership or managerial role, or are a front line worker, you know what it feels like to be in your workplace if you pause long enough to think about it.
Every day you walk through the doors, or click on to the next zoom meeting, there is something that goes on inside you… something you may or may not be aware of… but it’s there.
The something is the gut feeling you carry that encapsulates every thought, inkling, and bodily sensation of what it feels like to work at your company.
Your body and brain are constantly working in tandem to send you messages. The messages may be subtle or blatant depending on the moment, such as when you experience sweaty palms and an anxious knot in your stomach when you have to present to an important client or deliver difficult news to your team.
There is an accompanying feeling to every minute you are immersed in your workday. The question is are you aware and noticing what is going on within you?
In the book The Body Keeps The Score, author Bessel Van Der Kolk, tells us that all of our experiences (especially our traumatic ones) are stored in our body and mind. They are ensconced in our body, brain, mind and spirit whether we acknowledge them or not.
Many people don’t think about how the brain, mind, body and spirit all work together and how one is affected by the other. Most of us did not have good modeling for self-awareness; identifying what is going on within and intervening inappropriate ways. Did you see your parents demonstrate this? Neither did I.
Becoming more emotionally aware is hampered by those who believe that all emotion should be “taken out” of business. I have coached several male leaders who have said to me “emotion has no place in the workplace.” (Which is like separating a car from its engine.)
The magnificent interconnectedness of all the parts of us functions in a beautiful harmonious dance so that we ought not try to separate out one part from another.
Yet this is exactly what we do in the name of productivity and forward progress.
Here are a few scenarios which demonstrate how lack of self-awareness manifests:
We get elevated during heated discussions in meetings and we don’t know why
We lash out or blame others for a problem or something we believe isn’t going right
We withdraw or hide to avoid being singled out, blamed or seen as incompetent
We skip breakfast and lunch without a thought to how that might affect our mood, energy levels or brain function- e. g. how well we will cope with an unexpected curveball or our ability to show up calm, present, and focused.
We slug down several drinks in the evening with only a vague awareness of the stress we want to numb out from.
We don’t consider the consequences of our daily choices and how they will affect the entirety of our mind, body and spirit in how we feel and function. We also tune out awareness of the consequences which naturally occur as a result of our choices.
Now, expand this lack of individual emotional awareness (and the magnification of consequences) to an entire team or office and wrap your head around the impact of that on your workplace environment; productivity, engagement and health consequences. Think “pebble in the pond” effect.
The reality is most of us are too tired, stressed, overwhelmed and tuned out to tune inward and notice the clues that our body and brain readily give us if only we are willing to listen.
You might be wondering how else this lack of self (and other) awareness affects us in the workplace or even at home.
Have you ever noticed the relentless chaos or drama in your business? How about the relational difficulty at home with your partner, spouse or teenagers?
How many of your problems as a business owner, leader, partner or parent are “people problems?”
My observations as a coach, counselor and consultant is we humans get trapped in cognitive distortions (thoughts that are not accurate or beneficial) that keep us stuck. Furthermore, regardless of the distress of our circumstances, whatever amount of pain we are experiencing, dysfunctional or toxic environment, we find ourselves in, too often we deal with this by labeling it with a permanent marker called “I guess that’s just the way it is” followed by its close cousin, “there is nothing I can do about it.”
That is a problem. If we are living and/or working in a toxic or dysfunctional environment day in and day out, it seems “normal” even though it is horribly unhealthy and takes a toll on our physical, mental, emotional and relational health and wellbeing. We may not like it, but we accept it. We tolerate the intolerable.
Are you a business owner or leader who is stymied by the mass exodus of your staff? Are you having difficulty hiring the best and retaining them at your place of business? Experiencing difficulty with getting consistent performance from your staff or teams?
You may want to start tuning in.
Tuning in means listening to both what is going on internally for you- noticing what it feels like to be at your place of work, noticing how conversations are going as well as paying attention to your own thoughts.
Start noticing externally as well as to what is going on around you…how do people look and sound? How do they appear to be interacting with one another? Do they seem happy, cooperative, joyful and willing to serve, or do they look tense, stressed, snappy and unhappy?
I coach a lot of clients who have become numb to the noise - clues and messages their own bodies and brains have been trying to communicate to them- sometimes for years.
“Isabella” a 42 -year-old office worker who answered directly to the COO, was in a workplace so toxic that her weight, blood pressure and stress were all elevated. She knew in her gut, she did not like being at work, did not enjoy her job anymore and instinctively knew she needed to get away from all the blaming and shaming that occurred at her workplace. She was often the recipient of many fiery arrows shot her way from the COO.
She told herself for three years, “this is just the way it is…and there is nothing I can do really.” She accepted that high blood pressure, weight gain and feeling stressed out daily was just “part of the job.” She also realized her job performance had declined as she was in survival mode at work.
Now imagine a company filled with 50% or more “Isabella’s.”
When chronically stressed, very different chemicals are released than when people are feeling calm and content. when we experience a state of distress, we are in our sympathetic nervous system and the stress hormones of norepinephrine, adrenalin and cortisol are careening through our body. You might notice this manifesting in the form of shallow breathing, headaches, stomach issues and/or tense muscles. Additional signs are fatigue, irritability, brain fog and an inability to stay focused or creatively problem solve.
Think of the last time you felt stressed, tense, or worried. What did you notice in your body? Maybe you feel that way right now. Pause and take a deep breath and notice what sensations you are experiencing in your neck, shoulders, back, chest and gut? What messages is your body giving you?
Then ask yourself how do you want to feel? And how do you want your executives, leadership and frontline staff to feel each day in the workplace?
This is the beginning of increasing awareness: listening, being fully present, noticing the clues, and using emotion intelligently. Today you can begin to utilize what we know about emotional intelligence and how the brain and body work together through the advancements in neuroscience, especially concerning neuroplasticity. The latter is a word meaning that you are not stuck with the brain you have- even shifting thoughts and practicing new habits can create new neural pathways that allow for better outcomes.
If you are ready to improve your own health and wellbeing – and that of your people- here are some ideas for you to consider to begin shifting your own thinking, influence the thinking of others, and pivot your culture into one where people thrive. This is a process and it will take time.
TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Have you been behaving in ways that are short, rude, blaming or shaming when things are not going well? Stop and pause before you speak and consider how your words may be received. Learn to speak your truth with ownership and kindness. It is possible to have both. How you speak to others- your words and tone all matter.
START TALKING ABOUT SELF AND OTHER AWARENESS AND MODEL IT. Begin turning inwardly to notice your own thoughts and feelings and model the vulnerability it takes to say “I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable about ____. I’d like to talk about that even though it feels difficult.” People would rather have your truth than your blame, anger or shame regarding what is on your mind.
ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO BECOME MORE SELF AWARE RATHER THAN STUFF WHAT THEY ARE FEELING AND EXPERIENCING. This requires effort and willingness of everyone to begin to do and it is especially incumbent upon leaders to model this behavior. This isn’t about sharing what we are feeling every moment, rather it’s about understanding that when emotions are starting to escalate, there is a reason. Taking a time out to recenter ourselves, rather than continue a conversation that is already elevated or out of control is one example of how to self manage and take time and space to experience emotion intelligently.
MAKE IT PSYCHOLOGICALLY SAFE. Using emotion intelligently requires a safe environment. If someone is noticing a team member who seems stressed during a meeting, there ought to be enough emotional safety built in within the team that anyone can say, “Joe I notice you are tensing up… what is going on for you right now?”
CREATE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR PLAY AT WORK. When people have opportunity at work to play, create, relax, and get a break from their roles and responsibilities, it provides a needed brain break. When engaging in these kinds of activities, people’s brains can relax. A calm brain is a brain that is more likely to be able to listen better, creatively problem solve, and show up more engaged and ready for the next challenge. Create a play/ relax/ rejuvenate area in your workplace if space allows and encourage this for your remote and hybrid workers to create this for themselves as well. People who experience reduced stress perform better at work.
HIRE A BUSINESS/ WELLNESS OR BRAIN COACH TO HELP YOU CREATE A STRATEGIC PLAN FORWARD. Sometimes good intentions are not enough to accomplish our goals to execute changes that would make a significant difference both in our work environment as well as our home life. Working with a coach or consultant can help you create a pragmatic plan forward that can transform your workplace, relationships, health and life!
You are not stuck with the brain you have. Young or old alike, we can begin to replace bad habits (including bad thinking) with healthier habits. We can practice increasing self-awareness remembering the interplay of all the parts of us affecting one another and intervene appropriately when needed.
Additionally, when leaders act with clarity, commitment and execution to enhance both individual and collective wellbeing and model new desirable behaviors, they begin creating a workplace culture that reduces stress and increases productivity, leading to engagement, an energized workforce and ultimately increased profitability.
Engaged happy employees consistently perform better than those who are disengaged, stressed and have one leg out the door.
Begin to lead yourself first. You will set the tone and likely reap the rewards of people who will follow your lead and want to give you their best. You have the power to transform your culture to a positive, productive, and profitable place. When you put people first everybody wins.
Lesli Dullum Tutterrow, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lesli Dullum Tutterrow is Founder and CEO of Optimal Wellness Inc. dba The Wellspring Company, Optimal Wellness Consulting, and Live Well Kitsap, an online wellbeing community resource site. She is a Certified Counselor, Certified Brain Health Coach, Gallup Strengths Coach and Author of Your Ultimate Sales Force. Lesli coaches and consults with Leaders, Business Owners, Leadership teams, and Managers to help transform the culture in any organization through a meld of coaching, consulting, counseling and training. She has worked with clients in myriad industries: Medical, Real Estate, Construction, Mortgage, Insurance and more. Lesli educates, motivates and inspires her clients to experience transformational shifts in how they think, feel and behave. She utilizes neuroscience to help achieve optimal brain health and function and facilitates pragmatic application of new ways of thinking to achieve top performance, reduce stress, increase engagement, enhance communication and enjoy phenomenal results. Her mission: "We exist so both people and businesses can thrive."
