Written by: Jennifer Wren Tolo, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The holiday season, while joyous, can often feel like a whirlwind of demands, expectations, and endless to-do lists, especially for high-achieving women. Balancing professional success and personal responsibilities during this time can be challenging. Still, it's crucial to prioritize well-being and gain perspective about what is truly important and impactful in our lives. This article will explore practical strategies to help high-achieving women find calm amidst the holiday chaos.
Can you find some calm in the holiday chaos… are you running around trying to make everything perfect or saying yes when you want to say “no,” caught up in trying to please everyone? As mentioned in a previous article, this adds to exhaustion and is a hidden stressor. Whether you are hosting, being hosted, or hiding, family and work gatherings loaded with assumed obligations and expectations can be A LOT.
Awareness is the first step towards change
Many women are unaware of the conditioned patterns and behaviors that drive our thoughts, actions, and reactions. It always amazes me how, even though I am an adult who has many years of self-reflective and self-discovery work, a comment or look from a particular family member or colleague or a specific plan I perceive as “forced upon me” can stoke the building fire in my brain and body. The old story plays on repeat, leading my conditioned mind to the “here we go” or “this always happens when” scenario. What we don’t realize is our resistance or expectations, and our energy sets the “holiday stress spin” into motion. These are the things that drain our energy.
But we can stop the spin before it even starts when we know our thoughts, actions, and reactions as we go into the holiday season. This is how we begin to regain our power instead of feeling powerless. This is how we start finding some inner calm moments in the holiday chaos.
How can you find calm when there is chaos all around you?
Life does not have to calm down for you to find moments of calm. This is cultivated within yourself. It is like the eye of a storm. Picture a chaotic hurricane or tornado spinning around, wreaking havoc in its path. In the center of the storm is a calm and stillness. You must tap into this as the world spins around you instead of allowing the chaos and spin to pull you in, turn you upside down, and make you feel powerless. You can take back your power.
Here are 7 Tips to begin to take back control of your health and happiness this holiday season so you can find more calm in the chaos all around you:
1. Set realistic expectations
Acknowledge that perfection is not attainable, and set realistic expectations for yourself. Understand that it's okay not to do everything and that self-care should be a priority. You can only do your best in the moment, which is enough. Focus on your priorities and intentions and let perfectionism and people-pleasing go. Ask yourself, “Is this a realistic goal or expectation?” when you stress over a thought or goal. If the answer is “no,” let it go.
2. Prioritize self-care
Make self-care non-negotiable. Schedule time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's a quiet evening with a book, a spa day, lunch with a friend, or a walk in nature. Whether you have five minutes or one hour, carve out time to tune into and balance your energy and nervous system. Taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining balance. It helps restore your energy and allows you to show up for all your time and attention demands.
You don't have to do everything alone—delegate tasks at work or home and collaborate with others. Surround yourself with a support system to share the load and make the holiday season more manageable. Collaborate to spread good cheer and help others. Get together with friends or coworkers to sponsor a family for the holiday with food and gifts or do a coat drive for people experiencing homelessness.
High-achieving women often excel in time management. Apply this skill to the holiday season by prioritizing tasks, breaking them into smaller, manageable steps, and utilizing tools like calendars and to-do lists to stay organized. Be careful not to overcommit or attach to a plan, as plans can change, and life loves to throw us curve balls. Allow some flexibility to be part of the strategic plan.
Incorporate mindfulness into your routine. We don’t always have the luxury of time, but we can all reset our minds, body, and energy for a few minutes. Carve out a few minutes each day for deep breathing, meditation, movement breaks, or to be present in the moment. The here and now is the only place you have any control. This can help manage stress, enhance happiness, and increase your overall sense of calm.
Understand your limits and be comfortable saying no when necessary. It's okay to decline additional commitments if they compromise your well-being or stress levels. Limiting the number of holiday parties, activities, or plans is okay. Again, prioritize based on what you enjoy and what brings you joy, and eliminate or limit the activities or offers that do not.
Creating meaningful holiday traditions that align with your values can enhance happiness and joy. Research has shown that building and tending to relationships with others is pivotal in health and happiness. This could be as simple as a family game night, making your own ornaments, family walks, or volunteering together. Meaningful experiences often outweigh the pressure of elaborate festivities and enhance connection and perspective.
Mindset is the key to finding calm in the chaos
Beginning to find calm in the family/holiday chaos is a process that takes time, strategies for self-reflection, and stress management, as well as practice and repetition.
Sometimes, your mindset or being stuck in past experiences can interfere with being open to the possibility of finding joyful or peaceful moments during the holidays. Once you are aware of the limiting beliefs, you can take steps to change your mindset.
Here are three strategies that have helped women I work with “flip the script” and shift to a more positive and open mindset over the holidays:
Instead of focusing on what might go wrong or what you don’t want to happen, focus on things you are grateful for, blessed to have, and looking forward to.
Instead of micro-managing others, focus on your own thoughts, actions, and reactions at the moment.
Instead of trying to do it all yourself, ask people to bring/do something to help lighten the load and say “yes” when they offer help.
I created a quick guide with three simple prompts to help you “flip the script” in your thoughts from negative to positive. Click here to download my FREE Power of Three Guide to shifting your mindset.
Finding calm in the holiday chaos is not about doing more; it's about doing what matters most to you. High-achieving women often carry a heavy load, but by prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and embracing the season's joy, you can navigate the holidays with grace and gratitude while maintaining your well-deserved sense of calm. Remember, the most meaningful celebrations leave room for connection, peace, and joy.
If you would like more tools in your toolbox, more clarity and support for finding the right path for you to move forward and take back control of your health and happiness, follow me, Jennifer Wren Tolo on Instagram @jenwrentolo or Facebook @jenwrentolo.
Download my Power of NO guide now for a quick digital guide to reclaiming your time and energy. If you are interested in learning more about Jennifer’s programs, talks and workshops or would like some support navigating where you are to where you would like to be, book a Free Clarity Call with Jen.
Jennifer Wren Tolo, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jennifer Wren Tolo, RN, is a whole health educator, a leading transformation coach and mind, body, spirit connector for high achieving women and mothers who are so busy showing up for others that they "don't have time" to show up for themselves. She has coached women in cultivating calm and peace within themself by finding their inner strength and resilience so they can take back their power over their own health and happiness one thought, one action, one conscious choice, one moment at a time. Jennifer is a stress and resiliency educator and adjunct professor at Endicott College School of Nursing where she teaches "Holistic and Complementary Approaches to Health and Healing."
