Brianna Anderson is a well-known and highly skilled trauma resolution practitioner, energy healer, and educator. She is the CEO of Healing with Bri and is the founder of Ascend, an online healing program designed to help people resolve body trauma.
Valentine’s Day is often portrayed as a celebration of love, connection, and romance. But when you are carrying grief, whether from the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or past relational trauma, this day can feel like an emotional landmine. When grief intersects with trauma, the experience can be even more complex, stirring up unresolved pain stored in the body and nervous system.
If you’re finding this time of year challenging, you’re not alone. In this post, I’ll explore how grief and trauma impact the body, why certain emotions may feel overwhelming, and how you can navigate this day with more compassion for yourself.
How grief and trauma affect the nervous system
Grief isn’t just something you feel; it’s something your whole body carries and processes. When we lose someone or something important to us, it can create a void in our life. For our nervous system, this registers as a rupture in connection, and for some people, it can also deeply affect their sense of safety. If you have a history of trauma, your body may already be conditioned to brace against pain, rejection, or abandonment, which tends to keep grief stuck and stagnant within someone, making grief even more intense.
Here are some common ways grief and trauma can show up in the nervous system:
Fight: Feeling anger, irritability, or resentment toward Valentine’s Day, others who seem happy, or even yourself for struggling.
Flight: Wanting to avoid the day completely distracting yourself with work, social media, or numbing behaviors.
Freeze: Feeling emotionally shut down, disconnected, or numb.
Fawn: Overextending yourself to others, people-pleasing, or trying to “fix” your emotions by seeking external validation.
If any of these responses feel familiar, know that they are common adaptations that you and your body formed as a way to protect itself and survive intensity. The key is not to fight these reactions but to gently bring awareness to them and offer yourself compassion.
Why Valentine’s day can trigger unresolved grief
Certain days birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays can act as grief “anniversaries,” reminding us of loss in ways we may not expect. Valentine’s Day, in particular, can bring up deep feelings related to:
The loss of a romantic partner (through death, divorce, or separation).
The pain of past unhealthy or abusive relationships.
Unmet childhood attachment needs (especially if love felt conditional or absent).
The longing for a kind of love we never received but have always needed.
These emotions are not just psychological; they live in the body. You might feel tension in your chest, a heaviness in your limbs, or a sudden exhaustion that doesn’t quite make sense. This is your body remembering sometimes more than your mind consciously does.
Instead of trying to suppress or ignore these feelings, see if you can acknowledge them with gentleness. The simple act of naming what you’re feeling can reduce the intensity of emotional overwhelm.
How to navigate this day with self-compassion
If Valentine’s Day is bringing up grief, consider these somatic and self-care practices to support your nervous system:
1. Allow your experience to be what it is
You don’t need to force yourself to feel happy, and you don’t need to justify your sadness. Grief and love often coexist. Give yourself permission to feel whatever arises without judgment. The more you can allow yourself to be with the feelings, the more you allow the grief to process through you.
2. Ground yourself in the present moment
If your emotions start to feel overwhelming, bring your awareness back to your body:
Place your hands over your heart and take slow, deep breaths.
Press your feet firmly into the floor, noticing the support beneath you.
Engage your senses by holding a warm cup of tea, listening to calming music, or stepping outside for fresh air.
3. Honor your grief with ritual
Creating a small ritual can help process grief in a tangible way. Some ideas:
Write a letter to someone you’ve lost, expressing what’s in your heart.
Light a candle in honor of your love, even if that love exists in memory.
Move your body through gentle stretching, dancing, or walking to release stored emotions.
4. Redefine love on your own terms
Valentine’s Day is about love, but love isn’t just about romance. Consider celebrating:
The love you have for yourself (even if it’s a work in progress). You can do this by:
Setting a boundary with someone in your life and honoring your needs.
Engaging in self-care that truly nourishes you, whether that’s a quiet walk, a warm bath, or simply resting without guilt.
The love found in friendships. Here are a few ideas:
Writing a heartfelt note to a friend, letting them know how much they mean to you.
Planning a friend date, whether it’s a coffee catch-up, a shared meal, or a virtual hangout.
Simply reach out with a text or voice message to remind a friend you’re thinking of them.
5. Reach out for support
You don’t have to go through this alone. If grief feels heavy, connect with someone who can hold space for you, like a friend or family member. This can be profoundly healing. Being witnessed in your experience, without the need to fix or change it, can create a sense of relief, regulation, and even subtle shifts in the body. Connection reminds us that we are not alone in our pain, which makes space for healing to unfold.
Final thoughts: You are not alone
If Valentine’s Day is hard for you this year, know that it’s okay to grieve. Love and loss are deeply intertwined, and your feelings are valid. Instead of pushing yourself to “move on” or “be positive,” try meeting yourself with kindness. Your grief is not something to fix; it’s something to hold with care.
If you’re looking for more support in navigating trauma and the body, I invite you to explore my work at Healing with Bri. You are worthy of love exactly as you are.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and listen to her podcast episode! You can visit my website here!
Brianna Anderson, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner
Brianna Anderson is a forerunner in Mind, Body & Spirit healing. She endured 10 major reconstructive hip surgeries in childhood that severely altered every aspect of self. This led her down a path of studying multiple forms of bodywork, spiritual and energetic healing, psychology, art therapy, breathwork and multiple forms of trauma resolution. She has since devoted herself to helping others heal and transform pain and trauma. Brianna is the CEO of Healing with Bri and the founder of Ascend, an online program designed to help people resolve body trauma.
