Dr. Ariel McGrew is a distinguished business psychologist, licensed professional counselor, and founder of Tactful Disruption®. She leverages her extensive experience in psychological operations and her academic expertise to enhance organizational culture and leadership.
In an age where self-help books dominate bestseller lists and wellness retreats are in vogue, there is an unspoken reality that not everyone who embarks on a healing journey experiences the profound growth they anticipate. Even in the presence of all the tools and resources to foster change, many remain stuck in cycles of anxiety and self-limiting beliefs, unable to break free from the traps their minds set. For those who have done the work of self-awareness and emotional healing, it can be painful to witness. Yet, as much as we wish to pull others out of their mental and emotional ruts, we are reminded that healing is personal, often slow, and not always visible from the outside.
So, how do we practice compassion toward those struggling with limited self-awareness, even as we’ve moved further along in our journey? How do we balance the instinct to help with the wisdom of allowing others to walk their own path? These questions form the foundation of a compassionate approach to supporting those who find themselves caught in cycles of overthinking, self-doubt, and the anxiety that keeps them from realizing their full potential.
Understanding the nature of self-limiting beliefs
At the heart of many people’s struggles are self-limiting beliefs—those deeply ingrained narratives that tell us we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or capable enough to achieve our goals. These beliefs are often formed in childhood, shaped by societal expectations, and reinforced by repeated failures or the judgments of others. Once entrenched, they become part of the very fabric of a person’s identity, influencing every decision they make.
Self-limiting beliefs manifest in countless ways: perfectionism, procrastination, avoidance of risk, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. These beliefs keep individuals tethered to familiar yet unfulfilling patterns of behavior, and breaking free from them requires a level of self-awareness that can be difficult to attain. The result is often a vicious cycle—people become trapped in the same thoughts and behaviors, falling repeatedly into the same mental "holes" without understanding why.
Portia Nelson’s Autobiography in Five Short Chapters captures this phenomenon beautifully. In her metaphorical narrative, she describes the experience of walking down the same street, falling into the same hole, and each time being surprised to find oneself stuck again (Nelson, 1977). It is only in later chapters that the individual learns to avoid the hole altogether and, finally, to choose a different path. This story highlights the habitual nature of self-limiting beliefs and the slow, often painful process of becoming aware of them. For those who have done the difficult work of identifying and confronting their own self-limiting beliefs, it can be frustrating to see others fall into the same traps. But this frustration must be tempered with compassion. The journey to self-awareness is not linear, nor is it the same for everyone. Some may fall into the same mental holes for years before they recognize the need for change, and even then, change comes slowly.
The double-edged sword of healing
The process of healing is transformative, but it’s also demanding. It requires confronting painful emotions, reevaluating long-held beliefs, and making conscious choices to change habitual behaviors. Those who have gone through this process often emerge with a renewed sense of purpose and clarity. However, the knowledge gained through healing can create a divide between those who have done the work and those who have not.
Augustine, in his philosophical writings, acknowledged the complexity of the human soul and the challenges that come with aligning it with higher truths. His perspective is a reminder that personal growth is often slow and fraught with resistance (Stump & Kretzmann, 2001). The path to self-awareness is rarely straightforward, and we must be mindful of the struggles others face on their journey.
For those who have experienced significant healing, there is a temptation to push others toward the same revelations. We want to share the insights we’ve gained and help others see the world through the lens of self-awareness. However, this well-intentioned approach can backfire. Not everyone is ready for the kind of introspection that healing requires, and attempting to force it can cause more harm than good.
This is where the double-edged sword of healing becomes apparent. While our own growth can inspire and uplift others, it can also create distance.
We must learn to balance the desire to help with the understanding that each person’s healing journey is unique. Offering support without judgment, advice without insistence, and encouragement without pressure allows others the space they need to come to their own realizations in
their own time.
The role of anxiety and thinking traps
Anxiety is often the invisible chain that keeps people locked in their cycles of self-limiting beliefs and thinking traps. The persistent fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown can make it impossible for someone to step outside their comfort zone. Even when they recognize that their current patterns are unhealthy, the anxiety of change can feel more overwhelming than the discomfort of staying the same.
These thinking traps—patterns of thought that reinforce negative beliefs— are common among individuals with anxiety. Whether it’s catastrophizing (expecting the worst possible outcome), black-and-white thinking (seeing situations as all good or all bad), or personalization (blaming oneself for
things outside one’s control), these cognitive distortions shape how people interpret their experiences. Over time, they become so ingrained that the individual is unable to see beyond them.
As Paul Helm notes in his work on faith and reason, individuals’ beliefs are often shaped by a combination of cognitive and non-cognitive factors, including their desires, fears, and aspirations (van den Brink, 2001). When someone’s worldview is dominated by anxiety and self-doubt, it can be difficult for them to see past their thinking traps. Compassion for these individuals requires recognizing that their struggle is not just a matter of changing their thoughts—it’s about confronting deep-rooted fears that may feel insurmountable.
Compassion in action: Supporting without fixing
So, how do we support those who are trapped in cycles of anxiety and self-limiting beliefs? The answer lies in a compassionate presence rather than a compulsion to fix. It’s easy to fall into the role of the fixer, offering solutions, advice, and strategies for change. But true compassion requires more than just problem-solving—it requires us to sit with people in their pain, to witness their struggles without judgment, and to offer unconditional support.
Compassionate support begins with listening. Often, those struggling with self-limiting beliefs and anxiety need someone to hear them without immediately jumping in with solutions. They need to feel validated in their experiences and emotions, even if those emotions seem irrational or unhelpful. By creating a safe space for them to express their fears and frustrations, we allow them the opportunity to explore their own thoughts and begin the process of self-awareness.
Secondly, we must resist the urge to push for change before the individual is ready. Just as Nelson’s metaphor suggests, people must reach a point where they are ready to choose a different path (Nelson, 1977). We can’t force someone to take that step, but we can walk alongside them, offering support and encouragement as they navigate their own journey.
Finally, it’s important to recognize the limits of our influence. We are not responsible for another person’s healing, and we cannot carry them across the finish line. People must do the hard work of healing themselves. Our role is to provide the tools, the support, and the encouragement, but ultimately, it is up to them to take the steps toward change.
The power of compassionate patience
In conclusion, practicing compassion toward those with limited self-awareness requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to let go of the need to fix or change others. Healing is a deeply personal journey, and each person’s path is unique. By extending compassion and allowing people the space to grow at their own pace, we offer them the greatest gift of all—the freedom to choose their own path to healing. As we continue on our own journeys of self-awareness and growth, we must remember that compassion is not just about helping others—it’s about respecting their process, even when it looks different from our own. By doing so, we honor both our own journey and theirs, creating a space where healing can happen organically and authentically.
Read more from Dr. Ariel McGrew
Dr. Ariel McGrew, Business Psychologist, Chief Creative Officer
Dr. Ariel McGrew is a highly regarded business psychologist and founder of Tactful Disruption®. With over 15 years of experience in U.S. Army Psychological Operations, she has honed her expertise in leadership and organizational dynamics. Dr. McGrew holds a PhD in Business Psychology, is a licensed professional counselor, and has been featured in Forbes Coaches Council. Her work focuses on enhancing mental health and professional development within organizations.
References:
Nelson, P. (1977). There’s a hole in my sidewalk: The romance of self-discovery. Beyond Words Publishing.
Stump, E., & Kretzmann, N. (2001). The Cambridge companion to Augustine. Cambridge University Press.
van den Brink, G. (2001). Faith with reason. Ars Disputandi, 1(1), 62–63.
Comments