For the first half of her career, Debra Whitson was a prosecutor, and she spent the latter half specializing in Matrimonial and Family Law. She is an experienced mediator and collaborative divorce practitioner as well as a recognized expert in working with victims of domestic violence.
The holiday season is a special time for families to celebrate together, but for co-parents, it can bring unique challenges. Coordinating schedules, managing expectations, and ensuring your children have a positive experience can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions are high. A peaceful and cooperative approach to co-parenting can help both parents and children enjoy the holidays without stress or conflict.
Here are some effective strategies to navigate co-parenting during the holidays, ensuring a harmonious season for everyone involved.
1. Plan early and be clear on expectations
The holiday season often brings a packed calendar of events, from family gatherings to school parties and travel. Planning ahead with your co-parent can prevent last-minute conflicts and misunderstandings. The earlier you begin discussing holiday schedules, the easier it is to accommodate each other’s needs and create a plan that works for everyone.
Consider the following steps when planning:
Set up a meeting or phone call: Sit down with your co-parent to discuss the holiday schedule, or if that’s challenging, have a phone or virtual meeting to plan things out.
Use a shared calendar: Having a shared calendar can be beneficial for tracking holiday events, visitation schedules, and any changes that may come up. Digital tools, such as Google Calendar, can help both parties stay on the same page.
Be specific on dates and times: Agree on exact dates, times, and locations for transitions. Specificity will help avoid misunderstandings and make transitions smoother for everyone, especially the children.
Planning ahead reduces stress for both parents and allows children to know what to expect, giving them a sense of stability during a potentially hectic season.
2. Be Flexible and willing to compromise
The holidays are a time for celebration, but also a time when plans may need to shift unexpectedly. If a family event, travel plan, or illness disrupts the original schedule, try to approach these changes with flexibility and understanding. Being open to compromise can foster a cooperative co-parenting relationship and show your children that both parents are willing to work together.
Here are a few ways to embrace flexibility:
Alternate holidays: If one parent has the children for Thanksgiving, the other could have them for Christmas, and then swap the following year. This arrangement can give both parents special holiday time with the kids.
Split holidays: If both parents want to see the children on the same holiday, consider splitting the day so each parent has a chance to celebrate. For instance, one parent could have the children on Christmas Eve, and the other could take them on Christmas Day.
Make-up time: If something prevents you from spending the holiday with your children, plan a separate celebration. Children appreciate the spirit of the holiday and spending time with their parents, even if it’s not on the exact day.
Flexibility goes a long way in making the holidays a positive experience for everyone and helps prevent unnecessary conflict.
3. Focus on your child’s needs and happiness
The holidays should ultimately be about creating joyful memories for your children. By keeping their happiness as the top priority, co-parents can make decisions that reduce stress and help their kids feel supported. Consider what would make the holiday season enjoyable and stress-free for your child, and try to put aside any personal grievances for the benefit of their experience.
To prioritize your child’s needs:
Encourage a positive atmosphere: Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, especially in front of the children. This sets a positive tone and makes the holiday more enjoyable for them.
Ask for their input: For older children, it can be beneficial to ask for their preferences regarding the holiday schedule, as long as it doesn’t put them in an uncomfortable position.
Create joyful moments: Focus on quality time with your children during the holidays rather than overloading them with activities. Simple, meaningful traditions, such as baking cookies, decorating, or reading holiday stories, can create lasting memories.
When children feel that both parents are invested in their happiness, they’re likely to have a more fulfilling holiday season.
4. Establish new traditions and respect existing ones
The holidays can bring up emotions related to old family traditions. While it’s normal for separated parents to feel nostalgic or even sad about changing traditions, creating new ones can help everyone move forward in a positive way. Embracing fresh traditions can make the holidays a meaningful time for you and your children, without feeling tied to the past.
Here are some ways to manage traditions:
Incorporate old and new: Maintain some familiar traditions if they bring joy to your children, but add new elements that make the holiday special for your household.
Respect each parent’s traditions: Honor the holiday traditions that your co-parent and their family celebrate, especially if those traditions are meaningful to your child. This may include allowing them to attend family gatherings or participate in special events.
Create your own traditions: Build unique holiday experiences that you and your children can look forward to each year, such as a winter hike, a movie marathon, or volunteering together.
Creating new traditions while respecting old ones fosters a sense of continuity and excitement for the holidays, making it a memorable experience for everyone.
5. Consider parent mediation for unresolved issues
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, conflicts arise. If you and your co-parent find it difficult to reach an agreement on holiday arrangements, consider using a mediator to help facilitate discussions. Mediation is a collaborative process that provides a neutral third party to guide conversations, helping both parents work toward solutions that prioritize the child’s well-being.
Mediators can assist in several ways:
Facilitating calm conversations: Emotions can run high during the holidays, especially when it comes to children. A mediator can help keep discussions respectful and constructive.
Providing objective guidance: A mediator can help you and your co-parent see the situation from a neutral perspective, encouraging compromise and collaboration.
Creating a holiday plan: If holiday custody arrangements are a frequent source of conflict, a mediator can help create a long-term holiday plan that both parents agree upon, reducing the need for future disputes.
Mediation can provide much-needed support during the holidays, helping co-parents reach a peaceful agreement and enjoy the season with less stress.
Final thoughts
Navigating co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be stressful. By planning ahead, embracing flexibility, focusing on your child’s needs, and respecting each other’s traditions, you can create a holiday season filled with positive memories and warmth. Remember that while holidays can be challenging for co-parents, they’re also an opportunity to demonstrate cooperation and love for your children.
If co-parenting during the holidays becomes overwhelming, [Your Mediation Company] is here to help. Our mediators provide a safe, supportive environment to resolve conflicts and create workable solutions that benefit your family. Don’t hesitate to reach out for guidance to make this holiday season one that your children will cherish.
Contact us today at 518-413-1200 or visit our website to learn how mediation can make co-parenting during the holidays a smoother, more enjoyable experience.
Debra Whitson, Attorney, Mediator, Certified Divorce Specialist™
For the first half of her career, Debra Whitson was a prosecutor, and she spent the latter half specializing in Matrimonial and Family Law. She is an experienced mediator and collaborative divorce practitioner as well as a recognized expert in working with victims of domestic violence. Debra believes that legal battles are more harmful to families than helpful, and is passionate about helping people find ways to make their own decisions for their families, rather than leaving their outcomes in the hands of a stranger in a black robe. When court is unavoidable, Debra aims to educate and support people to make the legal process less costly, scary, uncertain, and stressful.
