Gillian Managing Director of Emerge Development Consultancy which she founded 28 years ago. She is a Master Executive Coach working with many CEOs and managing Directors globally. She is also an international speaker and in 2020 was named by f: Entrepreneur as one of the leading UK Female Entrepreneurs in the I also campaign. This year she was voted Leader of the Year by the Women’s Business Club.
In recent years we have become more familiar with the term narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and many people have come to the recognition that they may be in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, which can have a devastating impact on their self-esteem and lives. However, more and more, we are now aware that the same impact can be experienced from bosses or colleagues who use narcissistic behaviour.
However, before looking at the impact, it is important to understand that NPD is a mental health condition which is characterised by needs which could have been caused in childhood or linked to other mental health issues. Often people find it hard to believe that narcissists are unaware of the behaviour, and in some cases, they can be very aware but not understand what is going on internally to cause it. They may struggle to recognise that they are treating others poorly which, in turn, makes it difficult for them to take accountability for their behaviour and actions. Ironically, it is possible that people with NPD suffer from low self-esteem or feelings or rejection and other associated mental health issues but manifest it in the opposite behaviour.
Unlike Bipolar disorder where it is clear that people in a manic episode may have no awareness of their behaviour or potential abuse of others, there is no medication that can be taken for NPD. Treatment may reduce symptoms and Psychotherapy is the only real route to help, but people with NPD often avoid treatment or may not present their true symptoms, which makes it incredibly difficult to treat.
Narcissism is often associated with an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration, and these personality traits can often manifest in various settings, including the workplace. Encountering a person with narcissistic tendencies in an organisation can lead to a whole range of challenges both for team members and the company as a whole.
So, how do we identify narcissist behaviours? Well, here lies the problem. It often can be quite tricky as many of the traits you might find in a narcissist can also be attributed to people who are confident, behave assertively or are ambitious. All healthy behaviours that we look for in great leaders and cite as strengths, however, the problem occurs when these strengths become overdone, or obsessive. Here are some of the ones that we might be looking for:
Lack of empathy and Emotional Intelligence or using Emotional Intelligence in a manipulative way. Narcissists will disregard the feelings and needs of other people, focusing solely on what is important to them. They may outwardly appear to others to be empathising, but it is often a mask. They will also self-promote to an excessive degree, which can mean that they will not only boast about their own achievements but might also exaggerate their part in projects and take credit for other people’s work. This is because they crave recognition and one of their most important drivers is validation from others.
One of the big problems in working with people with NPD is firstly that they may often begin relationships by being so charming that it lulls people into a false sense of security. The second issue is that they are able to behave in a highly manipulative way, so people will find them extraordinarily believable, even when there is evidence to the contrary. They may be able to use charm, flattery or even deceit to convince and win people over. This could lead to them exploiting more submissive people for their own gain and using people who have been drawn in by their behaviour. Generally, they will not have firm values, which will mean that being ethical is not important to them.
Another easy way to spot a narcissist is their inability to receive feedback, reacting defensively or dismissively when their actions and motives are questioned. This can lead to people backing away or even being nervous about giving feedback.
NPD can often develop after someone has experienced childhood trauma, but it is also likely that the person will exaggerate some of the trauma history or even worse suggest that your behaviour is triggering them to revisit the past. The goal here is to gain empathy so that they distract from and excuse how badly they are treating others. It can also prevent people from vocalising their needs or setting boundaries. When called out on bad behaviour they will often act as if they are the victim. They can even end up making people feel as if they are crazy or irrational, making them start to question your behaviour.
Narcissists often believe that they deserve special treatment and if they don’t get that treatment, they may become angry or resentful. However, they rarely reciprocate the positive treatment they request and may fail to deliver the support that they have promised you. And as if being exploited isn’t enough, once you are no longer useful to them, a person with NPD may discard people, or even worse, they will set them up to fail, before withdrawing support.
Once you start to understand the behaviour, you may find them becoming less charming as they stop putting too much effort into their act.
The impact of narcissistic behaviour in the workplace
Over many years of coaching, I have supported a significant amount of people who have been victims to this type of behaviour and have needed significant support to, firstly navigate their way through this behaviour, and to repair their self-esteem and find the confidence to have difficult and courageous conversations.
Exposure to narcissistic behaviour can be highly damaging, negatively impacting both individuals and the broader organisational culture.
Firstly, there is a direct correlation between narcissism and a toxic work environment as it fosters unhealthy competition, creates mistrust and builds resentment amongst colleagues. Ultimately, this will impact on productivity as a toxic environment creates stress, conflict and decreased morale, leading to high attrition as people begin to feel there are no potential solutions and start to burn out. As relationships start to become strained, trust and collaboration breaks down, particularly if the narcissist is giving people different versions of information or even playing them off against each other.
There can also be the danger of poor decision-making, ill-thought-through choices and missed opportunities if the narcissist is making decisions based on personal gain or ego.
In worst-case scenarios the organisation may be at risk if there has been unethical behaviour –people with NPD can often disregard rules or policies which could mean there is a risk of legal or reputational risk.
Dealing with narcissistic behaviour in the workplace
So, what can you do if you are exposed to narcissistic behaviour, or sadly feel that your manager could have NPD? It takes a lot of confidence, a combination of strategic communication, clear boundaries and often support from HR or senior leadership to ensure that you do no become affected by the behaviour.
A narcissistic manager can make you feel really inadequate, whatever you do or however hard you try; they will always be able to find something to pick on and criticise. Often, they will set impossible standards, making you feel dejected when you cannot meet them. Therefore, it can be very important to check in with other people about their standards and goals so you can easily spot discrepancies. Narcissists may try to reduce your interaction with other people which is a big red flag so don’t be afraid to talk to others and seek support.
Document everything, ensure that objectives and clear boundaries are set with the individual, note roles, deliverables, responsibilities, and expectations to ensure that the opportunities for manipulation are minimised. A narcissist can use gaslighting as a manipulative tactic where they deny reality or distort facts to make you question yourself. They can often deny that they said something or blame you for their mistakes which is why documentation is so important.
When it comes to measurement of performance, ensure that clear metrics are established, agreed, and documented to help to minimise any subjective manipulation and make sure that there are clear facts to be relied on in the case of any dispute.
If your intuition senses an issue, or you are experiencing problematic behaviour, the first step is to make sure that everything is documented. This could become particularly important if you need to involve HR.
Try to limit how much interaction you have with them and when you do ensure that your behaviour is professional at all times. Someone with NPD could try to provoke confrontation or evoke reactions to make you appear to be in the wrong, so it is vital to stay calm.
Seek support from anyone who you trust to help organisations should have policies in place to address inappropriate behaviour and hopefully leaders or HR can be supportive. If not, you may have a coach or mentor you can talk to confidentially.
In summary, working with people with NPD is a highly complex issue, whether that is in the workplace or in your personal life, and being exposed to the behaviour can have significant consequences for both individuals and organisations. By recognising the signs, understanding its impact, and implementing strategies, organisations can create a healthier, more productive work environment. It takes a courageous and proactive approach to address the behaviour but with the right tools and support it is possible to minimise its detrimental effect.
Read more from Gillian Jones-Williams
Gillian Jones-Williams, Emerge Development Consultancy
Gillian Managing Director of Emerge Development Consultancy which she founded 28 years ago. She is a Master Executive Coach working with many CEOs and managing Directors globally. She is also an international speaker and in 2020 was named by f: Entrepreneur as one of the leading UK Female Entrepreneurs in the Ialso campaign. In 2023 she was named as Leader of the Year by the Women’s Business Club,
Gillian founded the RISE Women’s Development Programme which is delivered both in the UK and the Middle East, and Saudi and is her absolute passion.
She is also the co-author of How to Create a Coaching Culture, 50 Top Tools for Coaching, and the author of Locked Down but Not Out which is a diary of the first 3 months of the pandemic to raise money for the bereaved families of the NHS workers who died during COVID-19.
Emerge provides expert Executive Coaching and conflict management training. If you want to know more about this support of any of our other training and development solutions, please do contact us on 01329 820580 or via info@emergeuk.com.
