Written by: Talsi, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I spent the better part of my life trying to fit in and conform- to ideals, to opinions, to expectations. It was important that I got good grades and went into a respectable profession – ultimately, it was decided - that was Law. It was also extremely important to be popular, to please, and for everyone to like me. I spent most of my early life crippled with anxiety over what ppl thought of me. I was a highly self-conscious teenager and young adult, which (I think) I masked well. In fact, I was very social and ran in all different circles. I found I was highly adept to wearing many different hats! I could fit in well in almost any setting and be very agreeable, becoming whatever the person or occasion called for. This applied in my family life, my friendships, work, and in my relationships. The trouble was, that despite these best (and rather exhausting) efforts, I hit major roadblocks - boyfriends left, certain friendships became strained, I never felt that my family entirely approved, I was always suffering from performance anxiety in my work. When I hit a roadblock, I assumed my flaws were to blame. Surely if I were more ‘perfect’, it wouldn’t be this way.
But perfectionism is quite the paradox. The more we strive for it, the more remote and obscure the ideal becomes. The goal post just keeps moving! I experienced ongoing stress and despair over ‘falling short’- the psyche can only take so much perceived ‘failure’! From quite an early age onwards, I adopted dysfunctional and escapist patterns - disordered eating, negative thinking, a string of codependent relationships (including an extremely emotionally abusive one), and addictive behaviors. Basically, when I wasn’t playing the role of the daughter, the bubbly fun girl, the happy coworker, or the girlfriend, I was numbing, distracting or punishing myself. And as the roadblocks kept on coming, the cycles kept repeating.
It wasn’t conscious - the ego was in the driver’s seat. Everything in my world seemed to confirm all that I thought to be true - I was not enough, I had to do better, be better. To please, I found myself giving in and going along all the time, and I would rarely speak up - I wouldn’t want to rock the boat, or to give anyone a reason to dislike or abandon me. I felt out of control and powerless, and I found myself silently blaming others, and ‘life’ for my powerlessness. I felt more and more lost, alone, exhausted, and disillusioned. I couldn’t really understand why, though! Over the years, I kept switching up my relationships, jobs, exercise routines, I ticked off higher, more prestigious qualifications, and I moved countries… The roadblocks and the discontent always followed me.
And then one day- I crashed and burned. I was in Los Angeles, living what would appear to some to be the ‘high life’. Then I found myself suddenly with almost no money and a failed business created, in my long term, albeit unhappy relationship. The relationship broke down completely as did connections with many people who were staples in my life at that point. In the world of tarot, we call this the Tower moment- or for a better term (and what I’d soon come to understand), divine intervention.
As everything crumbled around me, I was left in a state of complete panic, shame, and fear. A monumental roadblock and failure! Seemingly, I had lost everything! What would I do, where would I go? But then, amidst the debris, I had the most profound epiphany of my life. Stripped of everything – it all became crystal clear. I realized that what I had in fact lost, over all those years, with all those disappointments– was actually ME. All the pain, emptiness, and restlessness I had been feeling was not attributable to anything that had been won or lost. And it was not something that would be fixed then, with more money, a new job, a new boyfriend, approval or success. It all came back to me. “And who is that!?” I had to ask myself. I realized that I had (though, unconsciously), been living a constructed version of myself for so long. Who I had become had very little to do with who I am.
Step one was realizing that, but then where did that leave me? Trying to be what I thought everyone expected had clearly failed me (time, and again). For the first time ever in my life, I asked myself, “who am I when I’m not trying to be someone for somebody else?” Puzzling as that was (and I admit, I had no answer!), it was groundbreaking. I decided it was time to find out. A huge weight lifted off me and suddenly I had all this space- not to become someone new but to become reacquainted with who I already was. And that’s when everything started working in my favor!
From there, the ‘roadblocks’, I keep mentioning were no longer roadblocks - what was no longer for me disappeared - and I didn’t care one bit! I was making room for all that was me. As soon as I stopped trying to be someone else, all my powers came back. And I mean that figuratively and literally - my psychic abilities (that I had suppressed for years) returned at an almost unfathomable speed. People who exited my life were quickly replaced with a flood of new connections - teachers and mentors, soul mates (reflections of the pieces of me that I had long abandoned). I rediscovered my purpose and joy. I learned to say YES to whomever and whatever spoke to my soul and NO when I meant no!
For the first time in my life, I defied expectations, including the pressure to ‘get a real job’ and instead I started my own, now very successful tarot and spiritual coaching business. I took the leap with no outside support but the universe and a very strong sense of self. I now work with people all over the world, and I earn a living doing what I absolutely LOVE. I’m much closer with my family, I enjoy deep, soulful relationships and friendships, and I live a life of freedom.
And so, with that - I’d like to give you the 4 key things that I’ve learned in reclaiming myself, my POWER and my happiness:
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH AND OWN IT.
Speak up and stand up for what’s important to YOU. Be honest with yourself and others about who you are, what you want and how you feel. Being vulnerable can be scary, but here is a tip - anyone or anything that you lose by being you, is not for you. Authenticity is empowering - when you speak your truth, you align with that truth. You will experience deeper intimacy in your relationships, better quality friendships, and more overall satisfaction in your professional and personal life.
IF YOU’RE GONNA TALK THE TALK, WALK THE WALK:
Speaking your truth includes setting standards and having boundaries. Be okay with walking away or letting go when something or someone is not congruent with who you are and what you truly desire for yourself. This applies whether it is a relationship, friendship or a career that is no longer fulfilling. So long as you align with your truth, whatever you leave behind will be replaced with better.
“I’M NOT FOR EVERYONE, AND THAT’S OKAY”
There is SO much power in this. As soon as you stop wanting everyone to approve/validate/appreciate/like/love you, you will thrive! You will no longer second guess yourself; you will more freely tap into what your true gifts and passions are. You will feel lighter, and you will feel joy in who you are and whatever you create or do. And bonus - you will naturally attract in or gravitate towards ppl who truly appreciate you and what you have to offer.
EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUENESS
You were created with a unique set of quirks, gifts, and your own energy signature. There was always a higher plan for you when you arrived and that means you are inherently valuable! You have a place and an important purpose, which is to be you. The world needs YOU.
Talsi, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Talsi is a world renowned tarot reader and psychic spiritual coach. She was born with her intuitive gifts, but spent her early career working as a lawyer in the corporate and entertainment spaces. Her spiritual awakening came later in life - when she was guided “home” to her true passion and calling. She now uses her gifts to empower others to defy the status quo! Talsi guides her clients back to a place of self love and compassion. She helps them face their fears, embody their truth, and reclaim their power in their personal, romantic and professional lives.
