Written by: Lee-Anne Mendel, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you truly happy?
When last did you ask yourself this question?
I have heard many times the saying that we shouldn’t allow our external circumstances to impact how happy we feel or our state of mind.
I believe it’s an art to master. It’s all about the feeling. We have to decide to choose happiness even when, in reality, it may seem impossible to even imagine. Are we playing a victim to our own situation?
After 22 years of a happy marriage and now recently separated, I found myself questioning what happiness really was?
For so long, I found the people-pleaser in me, doing everything I could to feel happy not only in my marriage but also for my kids, in certain friendships, and business relationships.
I kept myself so super busy with schedules and routines and tried so hard in everything I did that others started to nickname me “Superwoman!” Not sure that was actually attractive or a turn-off, but either way, it was something I embodied day in and day out for many years. Not knowing any other way.
The overachiever in me took over. I was stressed, tired, run-down, and mentally exhausted. I wasn’t happy and didn’t stop for a minute. That was my reality.
I rarely took a breath to just be or take care of myself. It was just me every day racing against the clock to try and get as much done as possible. To finish my day with a whole lot of ticks off my to-do list. I thought this is what made me happy. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Going to bed many nights feeling alone, scared, and not knowing my true purpose — only to wake up the next morning and do it all over again. The woman I wanted to be was so far away.
The structure of it all made me feel safe and in control.
But was I kidding myself?
I finally found myself with a big black hole in my heart where once there was truly magical love and innocence. All I was doing was filling it with endless things, materialistic stuff, dinners, gifts, holidays to help remove that darkness. While all along, I searched for so much more!
This year, I faced my darkest deepest shadows and came to realize my Inner Child was starved. She wanted to play, craving adventure, fun, excitement, no rules, to be wild, to be free! My Inner Child was screaming inside for happiness! I wasn’t listening.
At the same time, I was too scared to come out in fear of what others may think of her, or should I rather say, “me,” my true authentic self. Showing up with a mask every day, hiding who she truly was. Can you relate?
Are you settling? Staying where you are just to feel safe? Is this feeding your happiness?
5 years ago, I was blessed to meet my spiritual teacher Debbie Stephenson from Love Soul Healing in Sydney, Australia. My journey began. It was like a breath of fresh air. The triggers around me were like firecrackers. I was shown that my personal growth was up to me and that everything happened for me, not to me. I was also shown that daily consistent work on being more rather than doing would allow me to have more in abundance, more flow, and faith than I could ever have planned on my own.
Through my spiritual awakening, I was shown the divine was already inside of me. That light was there — I wasn’t broken or needed to be fixed. I was already whole. My light was dim, and all I needed to do was work on my own self to strengthen that light and make it stronger. By so doing, more light-filled my soul and silenced the darkness within. Allowing more love and light in. In this way, I could help empower more people, inspire others and make a difference.
My happiness project began.
I realized that superficial things and people who didn’t love and accept me just the way I was, wasn’t making me happy. That seeking outside myself for happiness wouldn’t work. All the money in the world, fancy cars, nice clothes, putting out for sex, or craving recognition wasn’t going to make me happy either. By saying and doing the right thing and being a “good girl” wasn’t a solution.
Happiness was an inside job.
It was my responsibility to work on it daily.
No one person or circumstance, situation, or event would make me completely fulfilled and happy—only me.
Here are my top tips for starting your own happiness project:
1. Explore your creative side – your inner child is craving fun. Do something to feed her curiosity and try new things. Pick an activity you have wanted to do for a very long time but never got a chance to do it. For me, this was Latin and Ballroom dancing. Dancing to music made me feel free and alive.
2. Cherish Love and Connection – it’s a flow between your mind, body, and soul connection to yourself, your family, friends, business relationships, community, and the world. To love and accept ourselves and to love and accept others without fear of judgment.
3. Contribution – “When you can see the bigger meaning of what you do and the end result that contributes to others’ happiness, that is when you are serving your purpose in life” – Linda Tomai Duong
4. Heal at a soul level – chanting mantras opens the soul, sound healing or chakra healing is extremely powerful in connecting within and aligning our energy to a higher source. I love the mantra “Om Namor Nayarani,” which means “I surrender to the Divine Mother” I chant it 108 times a day which is about 15-20 minutes.
5. Positive Affirmations – “I am JOY” - say it slowly several times a day. Joy attracts joy. Choose how you respond to outside circumstances. The more joy you feel will change the outside circumstances.
6. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting like-minded people who bring you good vibes and great energy.
7. Laugh and smile more.
8. Find the rainbow in the rain – be on purpose and intentional to choose happy.
“Happiness is a choice not a result. Nothing will make you happy unless you choose to be happy” – Ralph Marston.
In summary:
Happiness is available to us all.
We all deserve to be happy.
The secret is it starts with you.
You are brave and courageous to level up your own game to not accept or settle if you truly are not feeling fulfilled.
You have a choice.
Don’t stay safe just to please others, that will keep you stuck.
You owe it to yourself to figure out those few things that fill your cup and feed your soul.
Then go out there and be that person who owns it.
Your inner happiness will have a positive ripple effect on those around you, your family, friends, relationships, community, and this world.
Start your own happiness project today.
If you are open and ready to make a change, I would love to connect with you.
Want to learn more from Lee-Anne? Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and visit her website.
Lee-Anne Mendel, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lee-Anne Mendel is a Self Love Coach, NLP Practitioner, Professional Makeup Artist and Health and Wellness Advocate for vegan, toxic-free, and cruelty-free skincare, beauty, and nutritional supplements.
Lee-Anne’s coaching approach is a holistic one as she believes once you have your mind, body, and soul all working in harmony, that’s when you can become the best version of yourself and live a fulfilled life aligned and on purpose.
She is passionate about supporting women to awaken their Divine Inner Goddess, to tap into their own inner beauty and the divine feminine, discover their true authentic self and ignite the spark and light within so they can glow bright, look and feel their best from the inside and out and be confident and comfortable in their own skin. With the programs she offers, her clients are empowered to heal at a soul level their self limiting beliefs and emotions with practical tools and resources to bring back the joy, adventure, excitement fun into their lives.
Lee-Anne graduated from the University of Cape Town with a Degree in both Industrial Psychology and Economics and spent 15 years working in IT Distribution and Corporate. She emigrated to Sydney, Australia, in 2000, where she now resides with her family.
In 2020 she travelled to India on a spiritual retreat and studied a Practitioner course in Love Soul Healing.
In 2021 she completed a Certification in NLP Practitioner & Matrix Therapies ® and launched her self love coaching business Divine Daily Coaching.
Lee-Anne uses her own wisdom, healing experiences, and self-love journey of Divine Inner and Outer Transformation to support her clients through both 1:1 coaching and groups.
Contribution is big on her heart as she spends time sharing her skills and passion with others and raising money for charity.
