Written by Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas is a Mindfulness Coach and creator of PazMesa, a self-mastery guide to help you access inner peace, joy, vitality, and prosperity through mindful living and unconditional loving.
Grief is a complex, deeply personal process often misconceived as a linear journey through five distinct stages. However, as observed in my volunteer work with hospice, where individuals reflected on their lives with a longing for more joy and fewer regrets, grief can emerge from various forms of loss not just the death of a loved one but also changes like job loss, relationship endings, or personal transformations.
Understanding the five stages of grief
Developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance provide a framework for understanding our emotional responses to significant losses. It’s crucial to recognize that these stages are not sequential; one might experience them in different orders, revisit certain stages, or even skip others.
Denial: This stage helps us to minimize the overwhelming pain of loss, providing emotional protection from being flooded with emotions all at once.
Anger: As the masking effects of denial begin to wear off, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger.
Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements.
Depression: This stage marks a very appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone.
Acceptance: This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, we accept it.
Grief beyond death: Recognizing broader losses
The end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the process of personal evolution—such as the painful shedding of long-held self-concepts—can invoke the grieving process. Each form of loss invites us to confront the impermanence of life and our reactions to it.
Why grief can be so challenging
Our difficulty with grief often stems from the same reasons we struggle with change: fear of the unknown, discomfort with our feelings, and the societal expectation to quickly "get over" our sadness. Conditions like ADHD can exacerbate these challenges, where the need to mentally escape from stress during childhood does not always correct itself in adulthood.
PazMesa's approach: Integrating grief with life's paradoxes
PazMesa encourages embracing grief with mindfulness and acceptance, integrating rather than suppressing the complex emotions it brings. Like weather patterns, emotions are transient and recognizing this impermanence can transform pain into a path toward growth.
Mindful practices for grief
Art and movement: Expressing grief through creative outlets like painting or dance can facilitate emotional release and healing. These activities allow for the physical expression of feelings that words might not fully capture.
Mindfulness and meditation: These practices help anchor us in the present, allowing us to experience our emotions without judgment. Mindfulness encourages acceptance of our current state and can reduce the overwhelming aspects of grief.
Nature connection: Engaging with nature provides a grounding effect, reminding us of life's cycles and our part in them. Being outdoors encourages a sense of peace and perspective that can be calming during times of emotional turmoil.
Journaling and poetry: Writing can serve as a powerful tool for processing emotions. Journaling helps to clarify thoughts and feelings, while poetry allows for the expression of deep, often complex emotions in a structured and creative way. Both practices offer a therapeutic outlet for grief, helping individuals navigate their emotions and find meaning in their experiences.
These mindful practices can significantly aid in the grieving process, offering diverse ways to address and express the myriad emotions associated with loss. Each practice provides a unique avenue for emotional exploration and healing, emphasizing the importance of personal expression as we move through grief.
The personal nature of grief and the challenge of finding support
Handling grief is an intensely personal experience, and the way each person processes loss can vary significantly. Unfortunately, many people are unsure how to provide the right support to those in mourning, which can lead to feelings of frustration and isolation for the bereaved. It’s not uncommon for well-intentioned friends or family to offer quick solutions or clichéd advice that may not resonate with or truly help the person experiencing loss.
The need for a safe, non-judgmental space to express and explore grief is crucial. Having access to someone who understands the intricacies of the grieving process, and who can guide you through it with empathy and without haste, is invaluable. This support allows individuals to be fully present with their grief, acknowledging and expressing their emotions in ways that are authentic to their personal experience.
My role in your journey through grief
As a specialist in navigating the complexities of heartache and change, I am dedicated to helping individuals face their grief creatively and authentically. Utilizing compassionate curiosity and grace, I foster an environment where emotions can be explored safely and without judgment. Whether through coaching, therapeutic practices, or creative expression, my approach is designed to support you in honoring and processing your grief at your own pace, helping you find a path toward healing that respects the uniqueness of your journey.
This understanding and approach underscore the importance of tailored support systems in the grief process, ensuring that each person’s experience is met with the sensitivity and respect it deserves. Whether you're dealing with the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any significant life transition, remember: you don't have to walk this path alone. I am one of many in this field who can walk it with you mindfully, navigating each step with care, understanding, and gentle guidance.
Call to action
When facing grief, recognize that it is not a linear path but a landscape of emotions to navigate. Approach each arising emotion with curiosity and compassion. This method isn't designed to accelerate the grieving process but to deepen and enrich it. By using tools like those mentioned, you allow yourself to fully experience and express your grief, which is a profound act of self-care. This mindful approach transforms grieving into a meaningful journey of self-discovery and healing, offering you the gift of true presence with your emotions.
Read more from Janie Terrazas
Janie Terrazas, The Mindfulness Coach
Janie Terrazas, known as The Mindfulness Coach, transformed her media career into a life coaching and wellness advocacy mission after a spiritual awakening in 2011. As the creator of the PazMesa Self Mastery Program and the force behind Rise Above TV, she fosters balance and mindfulness in others. Her triumphs and trials deeply shape her coaching, as she helps clients address stress, trauma, and safe relationship building. Janie combines spiritual depth with actionable strategies to guide individuals toward a joyful, vital life. Her coaching transcends conventional methods, empowering clients to find peace and purpose within. Janie's empathetic and innovative approaches offer a safe self-discovery roadmap to authentic living and loving.
