Written by: Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and a bunch of content creators are starting amazing conversations around the topic. I personally love it.
As someone who struggled with her mental health for the better part of a decade, (or two,) I love that by me sharing my story, it is not only welcomed, it is helping countless others take control of their mental health as well.
Trigger Warning:
This is MY story.
I am someone who lives with complex trauma and PTSD, and no, I’m not a war veteran. I was 38 years old before I realized all the symptoms I’d been living with were, in fact, PTSD. And it would be another year before my official diagnosis and starting EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization, and Reprocessing, a trauma therapy for PTSD.
But in November of 2018, I decided I was done living like that and started walking the path of healing. And so here I am.
Deciding to turn from the well-worn path you’ve come to know so well is not an easy choice to make. First, you have to be willing to leave everyone else behind. There are those who have walked this well-worn path with you, and who have enjoyed your company, (and your misery.)
And once you stray from the path you all know too well, they will feel cheated. They will show their contempt for your choice. Why? Because suddenly you become a mirror to them that they have to decide whether or not to look upon. Looking upon you means they have to look at themselves.
And that’s not usually a space people tend to want to visit, or revisit in this case.
Now you’re on a new path, and you’re alone. And it’s like walking down a path that doesn’t exist.
Your feet are the only ones that have walked this way. But you’re also not alone. You have people walking their own paths of healing parallel to yours. Now that you see this path isn’t just for you, that others have walked similar ones, you may be more inclined to keep walking. Sometimes you’re walking uphill. Other times you’re standing still. Sometimes you’re running downhill at a faster pace than you’re used to. It’s supposed to be easier walking downhill, but somehow this feels chaotic, hurried.
But you keep walking because you see others a little further down their paths than you, so you know there’s something to hope for if you could just.
Every once in a while, you reach a ridge or a mountaintop, and you see a beautiful view of the place from which you came. And you breathe the fresh air, and you pause. And you probably cry. You’re gonna cry a lot on this healing journey. Why? Because after years of repressing emotions, a well that is bursting now will come forth.
That’s ok.
Let it.
And those people you left behind, they’re still there, or they’ve joined you on their own path, and you get to meet on ridges and mountainsides and valleys. You pause together. You reflect together. You encourage one another with the loving kindness that comes from the wisdom you’ve picked up on this journey as you’ve macheted your way through the brush and branches and vines.
You’re a bit more scraped up and bruised than you were when you started, but your scars are healing. Both inside and out. You’ve not become a weaker version of yourself, but you’ve become pliable. Your conversations are different. Your relationships are different.
And you like it.
This. This is the work of healing.
One of my favorite quotes from a movie about recovery goes like this: “Aren’t you tired of white-knuckling your way through life?”
What about you? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired yet? Healing is available for all who decide to make a change. Will you choose it?
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Wendy J Olson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Wendy J Olson is a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. Wendy believes in the power of stories to change and shape people's lives. She walks with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guides them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, she serves survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all she teaches to her own life as a survivor herself, she is able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. She believes everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn't mean the rest of the story has to be.
