Kristin Smedley is a Registered Nurse and Holistic Transformational Coach who is known for her compassionate and insightful coaching and dedication to improving the quality of life for women in the menopause transition. She is the founder of Daffodil Pathways Transformational Coaching Women.
Menopause is a natural life stage, yet its effects on relationships can feel anything but natural. I know personally the physical, emotional, and psychological changes that accompany menopause often ripple into partnerships, and marriages creating challenges even for the strongest couples. Understanding why these shifts occur from the hormones that fuel mood swings to the brain’s role in emotional processing can help couples work through this time with empathy and connection.
Women in their 40s, 50s or 60s initiate over 60 percent of relationships ending during the menopause years according to a recent survey conducted by AARP Magazine.
Why does this happen? While menopause itself isn’t the sole cause of divorce, the emotional strain, physical discomfort, and communication breakdowns often associated with it can create a tipping point for struggling relationships.
Let’s dive into the four key reasons menopause impacts relationships and how to navigate them together.
1. Hormonal shifts affect emotional stability
Hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone play a significant role in regulating mood, energy levels, and emotional balance. During menopause, these hormones fluctuate and eventually decline, which can lead to emotional turbulence.
What’s happening in the body
Estrogen: As levels drop, the brain's production of serotonin (a feel-good neurotransmitter) decreases, contributing to irritability, sadness, and even feelings of hopelessness.
Progesterone: This hormone has calming effects, and its reduction can exacerbate anxiety and make it harder to manage stress.
Testosterone: Though often associated with men, women also produce testosterone, which supports libido and energy. Declining levels can lead to reduced sexual desire and motivation.
Impact on relationships
Emotional outbursts or mood swings may confuse or alienate partners. Increased sensitivity can lead to misinterpretations and unnecessary conflicts.
Solution
Mindfulness in communication: Acknowledge emotional changes and communicate them to your partner. For example, saying, "I’m feeling extra sensitive today; can you please be patient with me and help me with some things today?" or asking her “how can I support you today” can reduce misunderstandings.
Support serotonin production: Regular exercise, sunlight exposure, and food high in omega 3 and B Vitamins (bright colored vegetables, whole grains, nuts, and seeds) can naturally boost mood.
2. Brain fog and cognitive shifts create frustration
Many women experience brain fog during menopause, a symptom characterized by forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, and mental fatigue. This cognitive shift is directly tied to hormonal changes and the brain's adaptive process during menopause.
What’s happening in the brain
Estrogen’s role: Estrogen influences brain regions responsible for memory, and declining levels can lead to forgetfulness and difficulty focusing.
Cortisol overload: High stress levels during midlife, are often exacerbated by caregiving of family responsibilities or career pressures, and poor sleep which can impair cognitive function.
Impact on relationships
Forgetting important dates or conversations may frustrate partners or make them feel undervalued. Difficulty focusing can lead to feelings of disconnection or inattentiveness in communication.
Solution
Brain-boosting habits: Incorporate omega-3 fatty acids, Vitamin B rich foods, antioxidants, and regular sleep into your routine to support brain health.
Empathy and grace: Try to empathize with her about “brain fog” rather than allowing this to build tension.
3. Body changes impact confidence and intimacy
Physical changes during menopause such as weight gain, thinning hair, lower libido can affect a woman’s body image and self-esteem. These shifts may make women feel less confident in intimate settings, creating barriers to closeness.
What’s happening in the body
Vaginal dryness and discomfort: Lower estrogen levels can cause vaginal tissue to thin and dry, leading to discomfort during sex.
Metabolism changes: Hormonal changes can lead to weight gain, especially around the midsection.
Skin and hair changes: Collagen production decreases with reduced estrogen, leading to thinner skin and hair loss.
Impact on relationships
Reduced self-confidence may cause avoiding intimacy or physical affection, or partners may misinterpret avoidance as rejection, leading to feelings of hurt or confusion.
Solution
Address physical symptoms: Open communication with your partner about these changes can foster understanding and patience. Over-the-counter lubricants or vaginal moisturizers can improve comfort during intimacy.
Rebuild confidence: Focus on self-care practices that make you feel good. Maybe it’s a new haircut, taking a walk, having lunch with a friend, or simply wearing clothes that empower you.
4. Mood swings and irritability strain communication
Mood swings are a hallmark symptom of menopause, and can make even minor disagreements feel overwhelming. The hormonal shifts driving these emotions can cause heightened irritability and feelings of being easily overwhelmed.
What’s happening in the brain
Sleep disruption: Night sweats and insomnia, common during menopause, can exacerbate mood swings by depriving the brain of restorative sleep.
Amygdala hyperactivity: The amygdala, the brain's emotional center, may become more reactive during times of hormonal fluctuation, leading to stronger emotional responses.
Impact on relationships
Sudden emotional outbursts may catch partners off guard and create a cycle of defensiveness, or fatigue from poor sleep can reduce patience and tolerance, increasing the likelihood of conflict.
Solution
Sleep hygiene: Create a bedtime routine that promotes restful sleep, such as limiting caffeine, limiting alcohol, eating dinner more than 2 hours before bed, reducing screen time, and maintaining a cool sleeping environment, 65 degrees is ideal.
Emotional regulation: Practice techniques like deep breathing or journaling to manage emotional surges before discussing sensitive topics with your partner. A mental download before bed is helpful to release the stresses of the day, or perhaps start a gratitude journal before bed.
Building a stronger relationship through menopause
While menopause presents undeniable challenges, it also provides an opportunity for couples to grow together. By understanding the science behind the changes, couples can foster empathy and create strategies to maintain emotional and physical intimacy.
Tips for navigating menopause as a couple
Educate together: Attend medical appointments or read resources on menopause together to build a shared understanding.
Practice patience: Recognize that this phase requires mutual support.
Seek professional help: A therapist or coach can provide tools to strengthen communication and emotional resilience during this time.
While menopause can be a difficult time, it also presents an opportunity for growth and renewal in relationships. Partners who face these challenges together, with compassion and mutual effort, often find a deeper sense of connection and understanding. By fostering open communication, educating themselves, and seeking support when needed, couples can navigate menopause as a team emerging not just intact, but stronger than ever.
If you're struggling to manage the emotional aspects of menopause or seeking strategies to strengthen your relationship during this time, consider working with an emotional resilience coach who specializes in midlife transitions. With the right tools and support, you can create a fulfilling next chapter for yourself and your partnership.
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Read more from Kristin Smedley
Kristin Smedley, Registered Nurse & Holistic Transformational Coach
Kristin Smedley is a Registered Nurse and Holistic Transformational Coach for women with a focus on women in the menopause transition. After navigating her own challenges during this time, and the lack of support, she has become dedicated to creating a supporting and empowering environment for other women facing similar experiences. She is the CEO and founder of Daffodil Pathways Transformational Coaching LLC. Her mission is to help transform the menopause journey for women by offering a safe space for education, support and personal growth, empowering women with the tools they need, assuring that no woman feels alone or unheard.
