Written by: Lesley Tait, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A controversial question I know, particularly coming from someone who works with women struggling with this on a daily basis but stays with me here. Naturally in my profession, I have given so much thought and attention to the topic of menopause. I’ve looked at it from a number of angles and I’ve experienced it. In fact, I still am experiencing it in all of its glory.
I hosted a webinar recently dedicated to communication around menopause. We talked about why it’s so hard to communicate on this subject, we looked at research on how it affects women, men and the impact on the workplace. It was a highly interactive event with an audience who were very open about their own experiences and views. Opinions were elegantly challenged and truths revealed. What was clear though was the resounding agreement that there is so much stigma associated with menopause that its admission is feared by most who experience it. Embarrassment and social shame shroud us like an invisible cloak. One theory that was offered was perhaps there is a self-fulfilling prophecy is at play here. I don’t doubt for one moment that menopause can derail lives. I know it to be true because it derailed mine, and I’ve read so many research documents and interviews that I don’t need to be convinced. Personally speaking, I can honestly say it took a lot of reflection, honesty and mindset work to embrace the transition and eventually thrive in it. Objectively though I can see how the principle of the self-fulfilling prophecy can play out here and it has encouraged me to contemplate how much of this might be true. During some recent research, I’ve been looking at different cultures to understand how menopause impacts females across the globe. Interestingly I found some stark contrasts in the experience of women, depending on their ethnic group. In Japan for example women generally experience much less severe symptoms than those in the UK or US. They have a word in Japan to reference this stage of life, it’s known as Konenki. Konenki means “renewal years” and “energy”. In Nigeria one study found that the women there has a very positive attitude towards menopause, considering it a normal manifestation of the physiological ageing process. In the main, women experience far less symptoms and it rarely impacts relationships with their families or partners. Another set of research found that in Mayan cultures women were reported to have no significant menopausal symptoms including hot flashes. It transpires that Mayan women tend to look forward to menopause because with it comes a progressive change in status within their communities and, in turn, a feeling of freedom. They often become known as “wise women” or spiritual leaders and hold a place of power in their community. While this is only the tip of the iceberg it does suggest that mindset and social symbolism plays a role in the outcome. We can probably all place ourselves at a time where our expectations of a situation played out exactly how we thought it would. Perhaps we were nervous about making a speech and the expectation was that it would be terrible. No surprise then that we found ourselves mumbling and stumbling, confusing our words or just going blank. The outcome was as we expected because our beliefs and expectations in our subconscious influenced our behaviour. The general perception of a menopausal woman is that she’s old or past her prime, and the experience is one of fear of being judged. We fear being judged because we believe the symbolic representation that society places on this phase of life. We believe what we are told. We imbibe society’s perception of us.
Deep within us, we know this not to be true. However, there are layers and layers of social conditioning and pre-conceived ideas concealing this pure and confident reality. We know we are in our prime, more experienced, confident and capable than we’ve ever been. But we’re not reminded of that. We’re reminded of how much this represents endings, lack and loss. I can’t help thinking ‘What if it wasn’t called menopause? What if we were like the Japanese and called it our energy phase?’ Would we still be wracked with shame and embarrassment? Would we still be viewed as society’s dried up, less capable demographic?
And would we still be huddling in secret groups sharing our stories and experiences? The red flag for me here is that one woman’s experience can influence another and then another and the self-fulfilling prophecy is born. It’s hard to decipher if one’s low mood is a result of fluctuating levels of oestrogen and progesterone, or if the achey joints and hair loss are just part of the natural human ageing process.
The truth is that proven symptoms of menopause are not exclusive to this transitional phase which leads us wide open to interpreting our own personal symptoms as menopause-related. And shared environments can become cauldrons of toxicity, with one feeding off another’s experience.
I go back to my previous point. There is no doubt in my mind that menopause can be a debilitating experience, numerous research papers suggest this is true for 1 in 4 women who experience symptoms. But if we could shift the perception of society to one that is more positive, disband the shame and view this as something to be celebrated, would there be less negative emotion associated to it? And then perhaps wouldn’t that make for an entirely different experience? That’s a self-fulfilling prophecy I would love to see unfold.
Lesley Tait, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lesley Tait is a master of all things menopause. Having had a bad experience herself which led her to re-evaluate her life she developed strategies to move past her symptoms and live a life which is now symptom free and better than she could have ever imagined. Lesley's passion for supporting other women through this transition led her to leave her successful 33 year career in sales and commercial management to retrain as a Personal Performance Coach and Emotional Wellbeing Coach and set up her own business. She is Director of Her Supreme Self, her coaching programs are based on the ground-breaking Harmonizing philosophy created by Dawn Breslin, and is a delicious blend of confidence, emotional and spiritual coaching which offers a very gentle yet very powerful life transformation.
