Written by Alena Ipanova, Synergizer
Alena is an inclusive leadership enthusiast, passionate about people and cultures. Her mission is to help individuals and organisations reach their full potential by developing the ability to better relate to and work together with people who think and behave differently.
Leadership requires a delicate balance of giving to inspire and support your team while getting the time, energy, and resources you need to thrive. Discover how to empower others, set boundaries, and foster trust without burning out or feeling guilty.
"Leadership is not about being liked. It's about being respected for creating an environment where others can thrive while you remain grounded and effective." – Anonymous
Jonathan, a senior executive at a tech company, used to pride himself on being the go-to problem solver for his team. Whenever someone struggled, he stepped in. He stayed late, said yes to every request, and solved issues faster than anyone else could.
At first, his team appreciated his dedication. But over time, they stopped taking the initiative, relying on Jonathan to fix even minor setbacks. Meanwhile, Jonathan found himself burning out, feeling resentful, and questioning his leadership.
Things changed when he learned to balance giving and getting. Instead of solving every problem, he asked his team, “How would you approach this?” He set clear boundaries for his time and energy. The results? His team grew more confident and independent, and Jonathan rediscovered the focus and drive he needed to lead effectively.
Leadership isn’t just about giving selflessly or focusing on personal gain. It’s about finding the balance: giving enough to inspire and support your team while getting enough to grow, recharge, and sustain your leadership role. This balance is the secret to building trust and high-performing teams.
Let’s explore what this balance means, how to achieve it, and why it’s crucial, drawing on insights from Adam Grant’s Give and Take, Liz Wiseman’s Multipliers, and Kim Scott’s Radical Candor. Along the way, I’ll share examples of how real leaders have navigated this balance and pose questions to help you reflect on your own leadership style. We’ll also touch on how Cultural Intelligence (ICQ), the ability to navigate cultural differences effectively, can elevate your leadership approach in diverse teams.
What
Understanding the balance
Balancing giving and getting in leadership isn’t about keeping score, it’s about being intentional with your energy and focus.
Adam Grant’s research divides people into three types:
Givers: Those who focus on helping others without expecting anything in return.
Takers: Those who prioritize their own gain, often at the expense of others.
Matchers: Those who aim for an equal give-and-take.
Adam Grant found that strategic Givers, leaders who give in ways that empower others without sacrificing their own well-being, are the most successful. They avoid burnout by balancing their generosity with setting boundaries and focusing their efforts where they have the greatest impact.
How
Practical steps to balance giving and getting
Here are actionable strategies to achieve this balance in three key areas: relationships, feedback, and self-care.
1. Build relationships with reciprocity
Imagine if your leadership style focused on giving strategically while remaining open to receiving.
Give thoughtfully: Share your time, expertise, or resources where they’ll have the biggest impact. For example, mentor a team member who shows potential or needs help overcoming a specific challenge.
Receive intentionally: Ask for help or feedback from your team. A simple question like, “What’s one thing I can do to make your work easier?” can uncover valuable insights and strengthen trust.
Example
Maria, a team lead in a tech company, initially hesitated to ask for help, fearing it might make her appear weak. After experimenting with asking her team for feedback during weekly check-ins, she discovered they valued her openness. Over time, collaboration improved as her team felt more empowered and involved.
Cultural intelligence insight
Reciprocity isn’t a universal concept. In some cultures, giving is expected as part of the community’s values, while in others, asking for help might feel uncomfortable. Leaders need to recognise and adapt to these differences to build trust in multicultural teams.
2. Balance feedback with radical candor
Kim Scott’s Radical Candor framework encourages leaders to balance caring personally with challenging directly.
Give actionable feedback: Instead of vague praise like “Great job,” provide specifics such as, “Your report was thorough and persuasive. To make it even stronger, consider summarising key points at the start.”
Get feedback actively: Leaders who solicit feedback demonstrate humility and a commitment to growth. Ask, “What’s one thing I could have done differently in today’s meeting?”
Imagine focusing on getting just 1% better at receiving feedback each week. Over a year, that small improvement could transform your leadership style.
Cultural intelligence insight
Cultural norms around feedback vary widely. In some cultures, direct feedback is valued as a sign of respect, while in others, indirect or “face-saving” approaches are preferred. Leaders who are culturally intelligent can adapt their style to ensure feedback is received positively and effectively.
3. Prioritise self-care and delegation
Leaders often give at the expense of their own well-being. Imagine shifting from being indispensable to being empowering.
Give by delegating: Instead of doing everything yourself, assign meaningful tasks to your team. This not only lightens your workload but also helps develop their skills.
Receive by setting boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no to tasks that don’t align with your priorities.
Example
Priya, a global sales manager, used to work late to compensate for her team’s mistakes. By delegating tasks and setting clear boundaries, she empowered her team to take ownership. As a result, her team stepped up, and Priya regained her time and focus.
Cultural intelligence insight
In some cultures, saying “no” is considered disrespectful. Leaders can provide alternative ways for team members to decline tasks or voice concerns without fear of judgment.
Why
The case for balancing giving and getting
Balancing giving and getting isn’t just about personal well-being; it drives better results for your team and organisation.
Prevents burnout: Over-giving can lead to exhaustion and resentment. According to Gallup, employees who work under burnt-out managers are 2.6 times more likely to experience burnout themselves. Setting boundaries protects your energy and ensures sustainable leadership.
Builds trust and loyalty: Leaders who balance giving and receiving create high-trust workplaces. Research shows that employees in such environments report 74% less stress and are 76% more engaged (Harvard Business Review, 2017).
Imagine if every leader in your organisation gave thoughtfully and received openly. How much more connected and productive could your teams be?
Curious to learn more?
Want to learn more about balancing giving and getting through a Cultural Intelligence lens? Follow me on LinkedIn to discover how you can improve your ability to navigate cultural differences, build trust, and create high-performing, inclusive teams.
Alena Ipanova, Synergizer
Alena is an inclusive leadership enthusiast, passionate about people and cultures. Her mission is to help individuals and organisations reach their full potential by developing the ability to better relate to and work together with people who think and behave differently. With the background in psychology, education, intercultural leadership and 15+ years experience in international training programs in Europe and Asia, Alena supports individuals, teams and organisations in their growth and development. Working across different sectors and industries, Alena combines best practices and research to address the needs of her clients and help them generate impactful solutions
