Written by: Aaron Johnstone, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
One’s ability to grow and evolve throughout the course of their life is largely tied to their ability to tolerate anxiety. By tolerate I mean their ability to “sit” with anxiety and not become overwhelmed by it – most importantly, to not run away from it. Here’s why.
When we stay within our comfort zone we are protected from anxiety. However, we don’t learn anything new. In order to expand our competency we must expose ourselves to situations and experiences that challenge us in some fundamental way (i.e. start a business, end a relationship, change careers, have a difficult conversation with a loved one, etc.). But as soon as we do so we enter “unexplored territory” and anxiety comes flooding in. If we don’t know how to tolerate this anxiety, we will revert back to our comfort zone and miss out on the opportunity to grow. So how does one learn to tolerate anxiety? They must learn to reclaim a sense of control when they become anxious. Most people feel helpless when they become anxious and so they are inclined to avoid situations and experiences that trigger it. The first thing one must do is…
1. Understand the two components of anxiety.
There are two components to anxiety: psychological and physiological. Anxiety begins as a strictly physiological experience. One’s nervous system detects a threat (real or hypothetical), goes into a fight-or-flight response, and some sort of tension or discomfort emerges in the body (i.e. tight chest, rapid heartbeat, upset stomach, etc.). The experience, at this point, is nothing more than uncomfortable physiological sensations in the body. However, eventually the mind becomes aware of this discomfort, at which point it begins to panic (“Oh no, I’m getting anxious! I hope nobody can tell!”). The mind then produces a series of anxiety-riddled thoughts (“I’m surely going to screw up this presentation! I’ll look like such a fool!”), which makes one feel even more anxious. It’s at this point that one’s anxiety has become both a physiological and psychological experience. The discomfort in the body makes the mind panic, which intensifies the sensations in the body, which intensifies the neurotic activity of the mind. And around and around they go. Understanding this negative feedback loop provides one with context for what they must do next…
2. Try acceptance rather than resistance.
Our natural instinct is to try and fight off our anxiety; to repress it, to push against it, to immediately try and escape it. But in doing so, we are becoming anxious about being anxious, and reinforcing the very experience we are trying to escape. So we must teach our mind to accept anxiety, rather than resist it, in order to reduce the intensity of the experience and reclaim a sense of control.
How do we do this? The key is to let go of our psychological resistance to it. Start by noticing the thoughts that “automatically” come into your head as soon as you become anxious (“Oh no, I’m getting anxious! This can’t be happening right now!”). You’ll notice that your mind instinctively starts fighting the experience, even though you never made a conscious choice to do so. But now that you’re aware of it, you can choose not to participate in this neurotic process; you can choose not to “feed” these thoughts.
Instead, direct your attention to your body. See if you can simply observe the physiological sensation of anxiety without making any sort of psychological comment on it. Don’t label it as “bad”. Don’t fight it. Just observe what’s happening without trying to change anything about it. If you can do this, your physiology will start to settle. Maybe not immediately, but in a relatively short amount of time.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Like learning to ride a bike, it will take some time before you get the hang of it. So what you must do next is…
3. Look for “small” opportunities to practice acceptance
The more anxious you are the more your mind will want to resist the experience (and the harder it will be to accept it). So look for small opportunities to practice acceptance. Start with situations and experiences that make you a little bit anxious. In these scenarios it will be easier to let go of your psychological resistance and successfully reduce your anxiety. The more you do this, the more you will get a feel for it. And your capacity for accepting anxiety (and thereby lowering it) will grow. As it does, anxiety will still be a part of your life (as it is for everyone), but it will not be accompanied by a feeling of helplessness. You will have a sense of control and will be more free to reap the benefits of stepping outside your comfort zone, rather than hiding within it.
Aaron Johnstone, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Aaron Johnstone is a Registered Clinical Counsellor who provides online therapy for young adults. His clients often have the frustrating sense that they're getting in their own way in life, but aren't sure how, why, or what to do about it. Aaron helps them develop a more nuanced understanding of themselves, and breakdown the psychological, emotional, and behavioural barriers that prevent them from becoming the person they want to be.
