Written by: Dr. Karen Stallings, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There is no argument that our mothers' impacts on our psyches are profound. Mothers shape their child's view of the world, other women, and themselves. They do this literally by giving birth and acting as the primary caregivers, but they also do this psychologically in a manner that we can only comprehend years later.
When a mother does not complete this job correctly, the resulting emotional trauma can be significant. Theorists and psychology professionals refer to this as the “mother wound,” today, you’ll be guided into understanding how this wound is formed and taking actionable steps toward healing it.
What is the mother wound?
The "mother wound" refers to emotional, mental, or spiritual damage inflicted by one's mother that profoundly affects an individual's life. It is important to note that the mother wound is not a diagnosis and cannot be explicitly defined. Instead, it is more of an observational phenomenon in mother-daughter and mother-son relationships.
The origin of the mother wound can be traced back to the psychological concept of Attachment Theory; it's understood that the trust established by a mother in childhood impacts not only the child's current state but also their future relationships. This suggests that a child who suffers from the mother wound is more likely to replicate this pattern of relationship with their children.
How the mother wound is caused
There is no, for lack of a better term, “recipe” for the mother wound. It can be caused in ways that vary entirely on a case-by-case basis. But, in all instances, the root of the wound is an unshakeable feeling that your maternal needs were not met during your upbringing.
Some of the most common reasons one may develop a mother wound are:
Emotional neglect: The mother's inability or refusal to respond to the child's emotional needs can lead to feelings of abandonment and unworthiness.
Physical or emotional abuse: Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or verbal, can severely impact a child's self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships.
Substance abuse: In some cases, children who are brought up in environments where their mother commonly abused drugs such as alcohol, opiates, or other substances can feel a lack of safety and, at times, struggle with similar issues in their adulthood.
Overprotection or control: An overprotective or controlling approach can prevent the child from growing independence and a strong sense of self.
Projection of unresolved issues: Mothers might project their unresolved issues onto their children, leading to a burden of expectations or unresolved emotional conflicts.
Figuring out if you have a mother wound
If the above reasons align with your upbringing, that could indicate that you’ve developed a mother wound. However, another way to determine if this is what you’re suffering from is to consider your own behavior.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if you have a mother wound:
Do you suffer from a lack of self-esteem or an inability to stand up for yourself?
Do you often push negative feelings down instead of working through them?
Are you unable to deal with your emotions without the help of external sources (like drugs or alcohol)?
Do you find that it is difficult for you to trust others and form meaningful connections?
If some or all of these answers are yes, then you are likely experiencing the mother wound. This can certainly be alarming, though some find the feeling of putting a name to an emotion to be quite cathartic. In any case, there are ways to handle this issue and potentially resolve the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing.
Healing the mother wound
Individuals' approaches to healing the mother wound can differ. It may take some people a few months to understand the breadth of their wound, but others may struggle with their healing for years. However, this can be streamlined into a process that can be customized on a case-by-case basis.
Step one: Acceptance & acknowledgement
The first step to healing the mother wound, much like many other emotional wounds, is acknowledging and accepting the problem at hand. This is not only necessary to heal but also grants you a liberating feeling of control over your trauma.
Step two: Seek help from a professional
Therapy and counseling offer a safe space to explore the mother wound, understand its roots, and develop healing strategies. For example, a board-certified counselor like Dr. Karen Stallings can give you the tools necessary for spiritual healing and growth. This journey is incredibly difficult to embark on alone, which is why having someone trustworthy and nonjudgmental on your side can make all the difference.
Step three: Reframing your narrative
After receiving professional care, the next step is changing your mindset. This sounds daunting, but it’s essential to see real growth. It primarily involves recognizing that you are not defined by your past and that you have the power to shape your future.
This can come in the form of:
Giving yourself positive affirmations
Taking steps to emphasize self-care in your life
Surrounding yourself with understanding people
Step four: Forgiveness
The final step, perhaps the most important, cannot be overlooked. If you want to truly resolve your mother wound and begin building a strong relationship with your spiritual self, you must reach a place where forgiveness is possible.
It’s worth noting that this forgiveness does not always have to be for the mother. Sometimes, it doesn’t involve her at all. The most sincere form of forgiveness that will yield true results is the ability to forgive yourself.
Love heals and hurts. Begin your healing journey today
The trauma that you’ve faced in your past doesn’t have to define you. Instead, you can conquer this wound on an emotional and spiritual level and turn your negative emotions into something positive. Dr. Karen Stallings has over twenty-five years of experience working with people suffering from mental health issues and believes firmly in the idea that trauma and wounds cannot simply be prayed away- they must be processed appropriately and dealt with on a spiritual level.
If you’re interested in beginning your journey to healing your mother wound, don’t hesitate to schedule a consultation today or learn more about Dr. K’s various mental health services. You deserve to grow, to rise above, and to heal.
Dr. Karen Stallings, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Karen Stallings is an expert within the mental health field. Her childhood traumas, battles with depression and suicidal ideation provoked her to begin a journey of healing. She has dedicated her life to empowering others with tools and strategies to heal the wounds of their soul. She is the founder of Heal My Wounded Place, a premiere online business where she services clients across the nation.
Her mission: Let's Heal the wounds we cannot see.
