Written by: Sue Palmer-Conn, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It was the summer of 1971, the end of my first year at University. I’d got a summer job at Butlin’s Holiday Camp in Pwllheli, North Wales. I’d gone to Butlin’s as a child with my family. The Red Coats were my heroes and heroines. I’d always wanted to be a red coat. I got my chance that summer. I’d been a swimmer in my teens. It was an automatic extension to do life-saving exams. These allowed me to become a lifeguard at Butlin’s. What a great holiday job. Doing what I loved – sitting on a poolside all day. Mind, that’s not to say it was an easy job. Definitely not. Every day one of us would be pulling someone out of the water – a child who’d got out of their depth, a teenager who’d been showing off and hurt themselves doing something they shouldn’t do, even adults who’d had too much to drink, or gone in too soon after eating and got in trouble.
Being a lifeguard meant that at night you were also a red coat. Ooh, me a red coat. Aunty Sue. Sometimes I’d be in the ballroom – thank goodness mum and dad sent me to ballroom dancing lessons. At other times I might be calling Bingo or watching the children in the children’s theatre. So, where does love come into it?
Red Coats were a magnet for attention, sometimes unwanted. However, one of my fellow lifeguards, Bill, and I really hit it off. After a few weeks, we became a couple, and where ever you saw one of us, the other wouldn’t be far away. After work, we’d often go for a hot chocolate and doughnut before we’d go back to our respective chalets. Some nights we’d walk along the miniature railway track down to the beach and sit on the rocks talking, kissing, and cuddling.
The summer sped by, far too fast. By the end of August, we were almost at the end of the summer season and the summer of romance. Mid-September came, and Bill was going off to University at the opposite side of the country to me. The night before Bill was leaving; we slept together for the first time. We were both rather inexperienced, and it wasn’t perfect, but it was beautiful. The next morning, I stood on the railway bridge waving until his mum’s car disappeared out of sight. Would I ever see him again? It was at a time before email, before mobile phones, before cheap travel. I remember crying for the next 24 hours and writing him a long letter. He never got it. His mum intercepted it and thought it ‘best’ that he concentrated on his studies as he’d messed up his exams the year before. Bill never knew how much I missed him, and I never knew whether I was just a memory to be forgotten.
Eventually, the memory faded, but I never forgot. Who does forget their first time? I threw myself into my studies and had a good year at University. I was invited back to Butlin’s the following summer, but this time they wanted me to be a children’s red coat. It was fantastic. However, it was tinged with sadness because Bill didn’t go back because his university course included working in the industry for 3 months a year. I loved what I was doing, but somehow it wasn’t quite the same without Bill.
I went back to University the following October facing final exams. That year, I was on the hall of residence committee. One of the jobs we had to do was to show the new freshers to their rooms. One of the new freshers, Nick, caught my eye and over the next few weeks, we became good friends. We sat together at dinners, and eventually, he asked me out. That year was my 21st birthday, and my parents had organized tickets for an event at the local army barracks – a fantastic night. I asked Nick if he wanted to go and, much to my surprise and delight, he agreed to go. That was the start of a beautiful relationship which lasted for nearly 30 years – 25 years married, two lovely sons, and lots of fabulous holidays.
Jumping forward now to 1999, millennium eve. We went to a big party, but at 1130, Nick disappeared, saying his on-call beeper had gone off. Nick was a dentist. His practice was only about 200 meters away from the party, so I expected him back within a short time. Midnight came and went, and still no sign of him. I went to bed feeling very lonely. He eventually came back at about 2.30. I was asleep. The next morning, I and others from the party who had stayed over quizzed him about his non-appearance. He made excuses that he’d had to wait for the police to arrive to check the drugs cupboard, as the alarm had gone off in the police station. I was so trusting and gullible and believed him. Some of the others didn’t. I think they felt sorry for me.
By the summer of 2000, it became apparent that he was seeing someone else. Earlier that year, because I was teaching at a university 50 miles away, we’d bought an apartment just around the corner, so I didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn to drive every day. At that time, I thought about a secure, mature relationship we had to allow us to spend time apart. What I didn’t know was that Nick was spending at least one night a week away. I found out because I came home one night in the week in August thinking I’d surprise him. It certainly did. He wasn’t at home, but that wasn’t unusual as he was on a lot of committees. However, when he wasn’t home by 11, I called his phone. When he answered it, I knew something was wrong. I could hear a woman’s voice in the background. I challenged him, but of course, he denied it and made excuses. By Christmas, he’d moved out, and in January 2001, I filed for divorce, which was finalized in November that year.
Fast forward now to January 2004, and I’d just arrived back from a conference in America. On a Sunday night, I went upstairs to my home office, switched on the computer, and without meaning to, I logged onto Friends Reunited. Something had drawn me to do it. On my profile, I’d written ‘old free and single.’ To my surprise, there was a message there – ‘hi-de-hi, how are you?’ Bill. OMG. I sent a light-hearted reply, ‘ho-de-ho, fancy you remembering me!’. I thought nothing more about it. I knew it had to be Bill from Butlins all those years ago as hi-de-hi and ho-de-ho were catchphrases from a TV spoof based on Butlins.
On a Monday night, I went online again to see if there was another reply, but there was nothing on Friends Reunited. I was disappointed. But, MSN (a predecessor to the messenger) said Bill’s online. I logged on, and we started messaging each other, but Bill’s typing skills were rubbish. He’s a one-finger typist! By 1030pm I said, ‘this is painful, give me your phone number, and I’ll give you a call.’ We talked and talked, and when my alarm went off at 730 the next morning, I realized we’d talked all night. I had to get ready for work.
We talked morning, noon, and night. It was as if my best friend had gone out for a paper and just come home. How could this be? We’d not seen or spoken to each other for 33 years, but magic was happening. On Thursday lunchtime, my secretary told me there was a delivery for me at the main reception. I went to see what it was. Everyone on the desk was grinning at me. There in the corner was a bouquet of 33 red roses with a note saying ‘You’re my first, my last, my everything. One for every year I’ve missed you, all my love always and forever, Bill’. All the women were saying how lovely. All the men were saying, don’t tell my wife!
Bill is an accountant, so January is a horrendous month with tax returns, etc. We didn’t meet up face to face until Valentines' Day. We decided to meet up on the bridge at the old Butlins site where we’d last seen each other. It had become a caravan site. As it was his birthday the following day, we decided to make a weekend of it. Valentine’s Day was on a Saturday.
Although the camp was closed, they were having an open weekend for prospective buyers.
The day came, and I got there what I thought was early, but there was this very nervous-looking, handsome man standing on the bridge. He’d got there even earlier despite the fact he’d had to drive 5 hours to get there. When we got close enough, we both had tears in our eyes. It really was love at first sight. We threw our arms around each other and held each other for what seemed like ages. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I felt as if I’d come home. Bill felt the same. Before we left the camp, we’d not only bought a caravan for holidays, but Bill asked me to marry him!
We had a beautiful weekend, exploring each other’s bodies, filling in all the gaps in our lives that we hadn’t already talked about. We went for long walks, explored places we’d been to all those years ago. Bill was coming back to my apartment for a few days. On the way home, we called in to see my mum. He asked her if she would mind if we got married. She was really touched that he’d asked her.
When we got back to the apartment, it felt natural. I wasn’t nervous, and I felt so happy. My two sons came over during the week to meet Bill. He took them out for a drink and asked them if they would mind if he asked me to marry him, not that it would have made any difference really as they were in their twenties and fully independent, but he wanted to make sure they were happy.
Our wedding in November that year was beautiful. It didn’t cost a lot, but we had everything we wanted. We got married in a beautiful Norman church in the pinewoods. The reception was in a local venue set in the trees. As we got out of the car, a flock of doves came home to roost. Was that a sign? At the end of the night, we all walked back to the house carrying leftover food and drink. The boys and their friends partied ‘til dawn, Bill and I left after a while to go to the airport to fly out to Egypt.
We had a lovely honeymoon. The hotel was fantastic, right on the shores of the red sea. We swam, sailed, and went out on some fantastic trips one to Cairo where we saw the Tutankhamun exhibition. We stayed in the Hilton, where one of the bars had recreated the piano bar from Casablanca. Bill is a big film buff, especially old films, so he was in his element. Back in the hotel by the sea, we were sitting in the bar one evening when the singer stopped and gave Bill the microphone. I didn’t know what was happening. He sang to me the song ‘wonderful tonight.’ It gave me goosebumps. He’s got a tremendous voice, and everyone in the bar clapped and cheered. On the last evening, Bill had arranged for us to have the honeymoon suite. The bed was circular and 4 meters across. The hotel had put roses, chocolates, and champagne in the room. I felt like royalty.
We’ve now been married for over 16 years. We’re still very much in love. Still hold hands wherever we go. Bill still sings to me. I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt so contented.
In June, it will be 50 years since we met. We are going to celebrate our love back at the old holiday camp. Sadly, we no longer have our own caravan, but we’ve hired a luxury caravan and will go for long walks along the beach, and no doubt reminisces about the people we met all that time ago.
I feel so blessed to have been given this second chance at love and pray that we live long enough to reach more milestones together. I love you, Bill.
Sue Palmer-Conn, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sue Palmer-Conn, is the only Certified Divorce Coach and Certified Divorce Specialist in the UK. After going through her own divorce at age 50, building and now retiring from a very successful academic career, Sue has since dedicated her life to helping others not just survive their divorce but to really thrive until they can fly solo. Sue works primarily, though not exclusively, with women thinking about, going through, or recovering from divorce. Her Marriage Makeover Mastermind helps couples make an informed decision whether to make up or break up, whilst her FRESH start program helps women find their new passion and purpose and design a life of their choice after their divorce. During the divorce, Sue acts as their thinking partner, helping women to formulate the right questions to ask their legal and financial professionals, understand the legal terminology to make good decisions, gather the right paperwork to be a credible client, develop a co-parenting plan whilst also helping clients to embrace their emotions so they can concentrate on the business of divorce with their lawyers. Her mission: Helping women grow wings and fly high.
