Written by: Betsy White, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We live in a busy world. Very busy. People are constantly running on low energy or fighting off illnesses.
Read through these phrases and consider how many you hear some version of in your daily life:
Don’t just stand there; do something.
Get busy.
Be on the move.
Look busy, at least.
It doesn’t matter what you do. Just do something.
I remember these words quite vividly during high school summers working for my Dad with one of my older brothers. It was not just once that I heard these phrases. These were the typical things I heard whenever I apparently did not look busy enough. It was how my Dad lived. But I am pretty sure they echo in many of our minds from different sources, experiences, and environments. Including the messages, we give ourselves over and over! (Thanks in large part to the words we heard and what we saw modeled for us when we were growing up!)
It’s Not Just Adults Who Live By These Phrases
With kids, these phrases play out in those famous words, “I’m bored.” Kids want to go and do something. If they are not stimulated by someone or something, they literally look like they are crawling out of their skin. But oh man, if you suggest something for them to do – look out! “I don’t want to do THAT!” is often followed by stomping feet or glaring eyes. With teens, these look more like FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out. If I don’t go and do everything, I will surely miss out on something fun. I will see it played over and over on my social media feeds. Then I will feel alone, like I don’t fit in, which is miserable. With college-age young adults, there is pressure to overachieve, prove themselves, be ‘the doer’, find their real friends, as many were told would happen in college, and then stay busy. The idea of just BEing is so foreign that many are unsure how or if it is even possible. With adults, these get-busy attitudes and phrases often look like keeping up with the Joneses or making sure their kids have more than they did at their age. The narrative of “We’re a really busy, on-the-go family with a hectic schedule” is followed with a sense of pride. Being busy is an accepted way of life. What did you do today? Oh, it’s a badge of honor to list 20 things. A big badge if there are 30 items. Even bigger badge if you helped someone. If you sacrificed, this is the ultimate badge. Yes, a lot of sarcasm here, but you see it out there, right? (Spoiler alert: social media survives by people needing to share all of this.)
Another Option
I believe there is another choice for how we live! A way that leaves us with a stronger foundation to tackle life without getting out of balance.
Don’t just do something; stand there.
Say WHAAAT? The first time I read that phrase, well, I read it the way I learned it. Back up to the opening line: don’t just stand there; do something. But then I reread it and saw, wait, it says to stand there. I was dumbfounded. The list of responses that quickly came to mind:
That is lazy.
Why would I waste precious time?
This is unproductive.
Life is short. I have to use all of my time wisely.
Who wants to look unmotivated and do nothing?
What does "stand there" even look like in my daily life?
We live in a world where for all ages, doing and then doing more is the norm. I would contend it is pretty much a societal expectation. The way we measure ourselves and others. The comparison game many play. I recently read a quote that was something like this: we are moving at the speed of technology instead of the speed of our minds, bodies, and spirits. So. Very. True. Oh, I know. We all lived through the pandemic. We could not go and do much of anything. Leaders made us slow down and stay home. So guess what many do with that today? Now that we can go and do something, we believe we really have to because life is short, people will say. Tomorrow is promised to nobody. So, heck yea, people are going to do, do, do, because, for a year or more, they were not allowed to do many things. There is a built-in excuse now to stay busy. While I agree tomorrow is a gift we need to treasure, we need balance! Nowadays, kids have something planned for most weeks and days (if not most hours) of their summer. The school year is beyond busy with sports, homework, or activities most evenings after long school days. High school kiddos have jobs in addition to time spent in their room scrolling through social media movie watching. When not doing that, they are off staying busy with their friends. Parents are taking their kids from activity to activity, buying something new, scrolling through social media, watching television, or working on an improvement project. I often hear, “I can’t just sit, or I’ll fall asleep.” No, not everyone. Agreed. I would safely say then…most people are back to living at warp speed.
Slowing down: where and when does this happen? And why would we?
I believe our thoughts tend to dictate what we say, what we do, and how we feel. Dr. Joe Dispenza says we have 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts in a day. These are usually about the past or the future. Our thinking tends to get us in a lot of trouble because, in my opinion, it creates much of the stress, anxiety, or depression we experience.
So why do we prefer to be on the go, besides post-pandemic behavior? I see this as a way to avoid paying attention to how we feel. This is how we avoid being in the moment and instead look outside ourselves for happiness and joy. Slowing down means I have to be with myself, my thoughts, and my feelings. This is something we typically do not like.
Most of us never learned, certainly never practiced, and are probably unsure how to navigate the uncomfortable feelings we encounter daily. So staying busy is a great way to live and never have to learn. I call it autopilot avoidance- most do not realize they are doing it or why.
One of the profound things I have learned from many different spiritual leaders is the idea that the world does not respond to what we want, it responds to who we are being. (Note: not what we are doing!).
Using that idea as I live day-to-day, just stand there makes so much more sense. What that looks like for me: laying in my hammock, watching the clouds, moon, or stars in the sky, closing my eyes and taking some deep belly breaths, meditating, petting my dog, noticing sounds and smells in my environment, or BEing in nature.
When I am that person, recognizing that the Universe responds to who I am BEing and consciously chooses to slow down, I am much calmer. Much more resilient. More present. More able to feel all my feelings and confidently know I can handle all of them. I also tune in when to get some support! Going and doing is less appealing. Yes, it takes practice, but these are the truths I now choose to live by - and I do not regret it!
Constantly being busy does not really have to be our way of life! We have a choice! I know each of us can slow down, be aware, feel, and just stand there. It takes conscious practice and attention. But here is the place where we feel peace, ease, grace, and inner joy. Nothing outside of ourselves can ever bring us these for any sustained amount of time. When they come from within, they are always accessible.
Go ahead, give it a try and watch how life unfolds differently. Don’t just do something; stand there!
Betsy White, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Betsy White is a Certified Holistic Life Coach and speaker supporting kids, parents and teachers to be empowered, confident and connected.
Having navigated childhood trauma, low self-esteem, numerous health issues, and dysfunctional systems at home and school, Betsy has dedicated her life to supporting kids, and the adults in their lives, navigating stress, anxiety, overwhelm and lack of purpose.
She draws on her expertise in psychology, human development, education, mindfulness and spirituality while using her extensive and diverse experience to guide clients to own their value, speak their truth, live their unique purpose, heal relational dynamics and create inner peace and resilience. In an ever-changing, technology and social media-focused world, she empowers people to turn inward to their true source of wisdom.
Betsy is the founder of The Life Coach 4 Kids, offering intensive family, parent and teacher programs, presentations and group experiences. People are transformed through the connection, love, intuitive insights, experience and soul journey Betsy guides them to take.
.jpg)