Written by: Lori Clark, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When it comes to emotional intelligence is there a “one size fits all” way to look at it? Well…..lets dive into it and see! When you see a person that you feel is emotionally intelligent, what characteristics do they possess? Is the person a quick problem solver? A critical thinker? Are they good at managing multiple tasks at once? Can they handle tough criticism? Can they effectively communicate? Are they short tempered? Do they hold grudges or let things go? Emotional intelligence is different for everyone, and isn’t necessarily characterized by a group of certain traits and behaviors.
Emotional intelligence for one person may be overcoming triggers from a traumatic experience. While emotional intelligence for someone else could be their self-awareness. They’ve gained knowledge of themselves to be confident, happy, and embrace who they are inside and out. Emotional intelligence can also be defined as getting to a place you know exactly what you want in life, where you are currently, and aware of where you’re going right and wrong. Other ways to look at emotional intelligence is being aware of how you treat others. You know how they say, “hurt people, hurt people?” Learning what hurt you and causes you to be bitter, mad, rude, or resentful towards someone that hasn’t done anything to you; is a form of emotional intelligence. Taking the time to confront and heal from things that may still have negative effects on you is emotional intelligence. Other examples are: Learning to love yourself. Learning to set healthy boundaries and sticking to them. Realizing you need to improve in certain areas and taking necessary steps to make positive changes.
So…..where does your emotional intelligence journey start? Are you ready to conquer your fears? Overcome your traumas? Heal? Break free from mental barriers? Learn how to set boundaries? Learn your triggers? Let go of things not serving you? Mend broken relationships? Whatever it may be, taking the first step is very important. Ask yourself, where would you start? Are you defensive? Do you easily get triggered? Do you feel like people always take advantage of you? What causes you to think those types of things? How would you overcome them?
When I learned to be emotionally intelligent, I realized I was very confrontational and/or felt like I had to prove I was right. Once I decided to fix my confrontation issues, it made me realize I was like that because I was hurt before. And I felt if I confronted everything or got straight to the point before I could get hurt again, I was saving myself from the same pain(s). The need to prove I was right falls under being confrontational. It’s like I HAD to let someone know I caught them in a lie. I HAD to let someone know they didn’t keep their word. I HAD to show a person I was right, and they were wrong. All of that eventually made me realize “what makes you get this way? Is doing and saying this stuff helping? What will happen if I decide to stop putting energy into this and put it somewhere else?” I also asked myself what if I got to the root of what made me be confrontational or have the need to want to be right. I was honest with myself put one foot in front of the other and went from there! Since then I’ve learned to basically let things go. I’ve also mastered the art of what deserves a response and what doesn’t.
Learning to be emotionally intelligent and getting to the root of our emotional hinderances; isn’t the easiest journey or the shortest but definitely well worth the self-reflection. I hope this article has helped you, and you will be on to newer, happier, healthier, beginnings! -Lori G. Clark
Lori Clark, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Lori Clark is a leader in the life coaching industry, dedicated to helping individuals overcome life's challenges. She also aims to help people reach their highest potential while eliminating mental barriers. Lori had a rough childhood that led to an adulthood of trying to fill different voids. She eventually made up her mind; she would live a life worth living and changed her world. During this time, her health failed, and she was diagnosed with a chronic illness. Doctors told her she would never be the same. Instead of playing small, Lori took her circumstances and excelled. She finished college, went back to work, and is now certified to help others.
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