Written by: Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As we go about our daily tasks or ‘grind’, we tend to shift into a state of auto mode.
This is where we efficiently manoeuvre our way through the obstacles of life blindly ‒ driving, taking public transport, performing our work or domestic functions, managing our businesses, supporting employees and colleagues, appeasing managers, running errands, caring for children, nurturing intimate and close relationships, going about our daily lives as if we’re in automated gameplay.
In these busy lives of ours, we constantly try hard to please those around us.
All of the people listed above are important to us, having an influence on our lives in one way or another. We give our best to them, assisting, supporting, doing for others.
Humans naturally are good people, kind and generous, mostly giving to others with little regard for reward.
We continue on this treadmill of life, needing to make a living, needing to care for our families, living up to our responsibilities.
Every once in a while, we take note of the fact we are feeling sad. A sense of despair creeps in silently when we’re not looking because we are so focused on staying on the fast-spinning wheel.
Before we know it our thoughts can become very dark. We lose our enthusiasm, the pace at which we do things gets slower, our steps less coordinated, battling to keep joints well-oiled so our limbs can continue striding at the hectic pace we push ourselves to achieve, day in, day out.
It feels like everything we do is for nought. You may even ask yourself: “Why am I doing this, why am I still here?”
The race
This is the only race that, whilst we are alive, is continuous. We are all in it together, masses crowding subways, roads, offices, gyms, filling every minute of our waking hours being busy, achieving, struggling, achieving, persisting, achieving…
The one difference with this race is the intense focus on achieving, yet very often no one is cheering us on as we pass each step, each milestone, as we approach our end goal.
We may think to ourselves: “Wow, look at me, I’m flying! Someone must notice what I’m doing! I’m working so hard, I’m running faster than ever before. Another lap, another mile, new scenery around but too busy to look, focusing on the end game…oh, the satisfaction I will feel when I get to the end.”
Unfortunately, though there is no winner, no celebratory hugs, no medals, no awards, podium moments or celebrations at this finish line. We run our daily races with little or no recognition.
Some of the biggest challenges we overcome are barely noticed or go completely unseen. Do not feel aggrieved by this, forgive them, let it go, for two reasons. You may not always notice others’ achievements either, simply because your focus is on your own life. Secondly, they too are focused on theirs.
Invisible
All of the above can lead to us feeling invisible.
Have you ever asked yourself the question: “Why am I here?” Even if you felt you have a purpose, with no one noticing what you have been, or are going through, do you feel insignificant?
Do you sometimes feel people are not listening to you? Do you feel ignored? Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, no one sees you… truly sees you?
You are worthy
This sense of being invisible and insignificant flows over into feeling unworthy. Our minds try to justify the fact that “if we were worthy’ of praise, gratitude, celebration, then people would notice us.”
One of the most common traits I have found in people since I started coaching is their sense of ‘unworthiness.’ They have such intense feelings of not being enough, not been worthy. We see this resulting in increasing numbers of people suffering from depression, anxiety, various other mental health disorders, with some having tragic endings where individuals have decided to end it all. This is occurring across all population groups, young, old, famous, rich, poor, middle-class, knowing no bounds.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to know we matter to people, this is an intrinsic characteristic of being human. Do your utmost not to take this personally, it most often is due to the ‘busyness’ of their lives, not that they do not value you. Instead of relying on others, we need to validate our own worth. Also, note that very often the people we are looking to for validation are the same ones needing validation from us.
We must take care to be aware of this and take time to let them know we appreciate them. Kindness shared returns to one hundredfold so be sure to treat others the way you wish to be treated. You are worthy. You would not have been born if there were no reason for you to be here.
You may consider yourself not worthy because you may not ‘achieve’ something extraordinary in your life so here is a short activity for you to do that may help your perspective.
Do you recall:
Who was the first person to walk on the moon?
Who is known as the world’s fastest male runner?
Who was the first female gymnast to attain a perfect score of 10 in the Olympics?
You may know some or all of the answers. If not, don’t stress, that is part of the
exercise.
These are all amazing feats done by ordinary people who chose to pursue their dreams, acknowledged to be extraordinary due to their achievements, yet you may not know them all. This shows us that sometimes, even if we achieve something lauded globally, this does not mean they will necessarily impact vast numbers of people.
Now, for the last question: 4. Think of someone in your life who has greatly impacted you positively?
Is your answer possibly a parent, teacher, coach, sibling, peer, grandparent, guardian, child, manager?
Could it be a random person or stranger who helped you in your time of need or an emergency services person who saved your life?
Significance
Having done this activity with many people over the years it is most likely the person you chose is amongst the above category of people.
This has always cemented my understanding that ‘ordinary’ folk whose names will probably never appear in the media, who will never receive global recognition, who did something great out of pure good intent, are the very people who have made the most significant impact on us.
It is these individuals to whom we must pay homage and learn from, that you, who feels your life has little or no significance, can be extraordinary and can have influence in others’ lives.
The light within
There is a light within each of us. Sometimes we just need someone to help us
discover it, and to enable us to allow it to shine, enabling others around them to
share in its beautiful glow.
There is a saying that a candle lit from another candle does not detract from the initial candle’s flame. So it is with our souls. When we shine it illuminates not just ourselves, but others around us, igniting the flame and magic within them so than an incredible transformation takes place.
Be the light that shines brightly!
Merrill Isherwood, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Merrill Isherwood is a life transformation coach who has spent much of her life being of service to others in the corporate world and her personal life. She has an exemplary work ethic and is driven by living a life of integrity, having honesty, kindness, trust, and respect as her core values. Her psychological counseling degree, supported by her accreditation in life coaching, allows her to ensure her clients are suitably supported in transforming their lives. She specializes in body image, lack of self-esteem, overcoming abusive or toxic relationships, finding life direction, forgiveness, and overcoming adversity. To her, a life well lived means making a difference in each person's life that you are fortunate enough to touch, even if only in the smallest way possible.
