Written by: Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
Trusting someone with your deepest darkest can be extremely scary. No one likes putting a magnifying glass up to their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Furthermore, when abuse comes up it is quite often that clients can not even say the word out loud. This can be for many reasons, but some could be there is so much turmoil attached, when it is said aloud it feels more real and may be painful. Guilt and shame play a significant role too. There are times it has been suppressed. In some cases, clients can question was it really that bad? Did I imagine it? Childhood abuse comes in many forms at different extremes that can be physical, emotional, sexual and also neglect.
When we are children, we are naturally taking in the world around us, being conditioned from experiences and our brain developing with each day. Where there is abuse, this can disrupt those amongst other things and can then show up in adulthood from a variety of ways. This can look like self-harm, not always cutting as people mostly assume it can be anything that you know is bad for you, yet you consistently still engage to do so. Eating issues, again not always under/overeating or purging there are struggles like purposely eating spoilt foods or not feeling deserving of nutrition. Many forms of addiction can come into play to suppress emotion, take thoughts briefly away or fill a void. When emotion is suppressed, it may come out in nightmares and flashbacks. Not always directly linked to the memories but the same feelings or something that has triggered it can be our brains way of trying to process. This might be confusing as it is not always clear especially when there are blank spots in memory. Living in a state of fear with anxiety, depression as well as at times suicidal thoughts can be completely exhausting. Consistent migraines or physical pain making it hard to function. As a response the brain might shut down and dissociate at times, then potentially begin functioning from a place of hypervigilance whilst developing further survival techniques.
To explain this in more detail, when we experience something so damaging our mind wants to protect us and will flood our body with hormones. This puts us in the fight/flight/freeze position preparing us to react to the perceived danger. After the event(s) when we are triggered by something usually sensory or emotion-related it can bring up the same response. Even when there is no longer danger present. If we did not grow up and develop from a place of stability and love that secure base is not giving us the foundations we need. So, we learn these cycles of negative coping versions instead and there may be emotional dysregulation. It is quite obvious then that relationships can be affected from people pleasing, repeating relationship patterns to attachment styles. Particularly the relationship and connection with yourself may be distorted but also an unhealthy view of what love is. Not surprisingly trust and intimacy issues thrown in the already mountain of things to deal with. Fear of abandonment but equally isolating too. Sometimes the link can be made of under or overachieving, especially for neglect in childhood.
It is evident that there are so many complexities when abuse comes up in therapy and it is such a delicate topic. The approach is very tailored to the client’s needs but there are some generic steps in the process. Initially it is about establishing the relationship and creating a safe space. Building up coping strategies and self-care as this will facilitate being able to revisit some of the difficult parts as well as stay present when needed too. How does dragging all that pain up help I hear? Well, when we experience something like this it is important to feel the emotion and it not be trapped in our bodies. At the time it was not safe to do so and in one way or another having to survive took priority. Another element can be that we make sense of things in our own way and learn how to build ourselves back up. Regulating our body is also extremely important. Relearning behaviours and even what a relationship should look like when navigating from a healthier place. A huge challenge is dealing with the shame and guilt but at a deeper level those core beliefs. Some things that happen to us are NEVER okay, they are not deserved, nor can we just forget. There are so many more aspects that I have not covered in this article but ultimately my main message is that if you know someone effected with any of these issues be extremely gentle. It is impossible to know what someone is going through just even as little as a smile can give someone hope when they are battling demons like this. If you have experienced any of these struggles my heart goes out to you and I hope one day you find some peace from within.
Hopefully, this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch for a free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from therapy.
Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Canse Karatas, has her own Counselling & Psychotherapy Private Practice. Has 10 years experience working for a range of services with a variety of issues like abuse, anxiety, depression, loneliness, low confidence, schizophrenia, self-harm, suicide and much more. She also worked in a Therapeutic Community which was DBT focused with ladies who have a personality disorder. Canse is Passionate about mental health awareness and actively seeks ways to help people. Her therapeutic influence is from an Integrative Approach mostly linked to Humanistic, Relational & Creative ways of working. Being mixed race she really values diversity and open-mindedness. Canse believes that we all have the resources within us to be the best version of ourselves for the future we deserve.
