Written by: Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
As a parent and a professional, sometimes we may be quick to assume what our children and other young people need. After leaving the “lecture years” behind, I have finally learned to apply to my teenagers and emerging young adults, the skills I have gained through many years in my professional practice of deep listening – we can never assume anything about another human soul. Even if our experience, instincts, knowledge, and observations indicate what someone may be wondering about or even wrestling with, it is always best to simply ask and listen.
In a recent conversation with my son, Nicolas, currently a college freshman, I asked what kind of guidance young people are seeking today. Nicolas has an entrepreneurial spirit and even before graduating high school, he immersed himself in learning about financial investments and starting an online business with some of his friends. He had some gains and some losses in his initial investments and the first business did not produce much profit, but he continues to build off this early learning. True in sports, engineering, business, and life, sometimes we learn more from our losses than our wins if we can extract and apply the lessons learned. Nicolas is now considering starting another business while continuing his undergraduate studies in business finance and IT security and playing college soccer. He shared that a pressing issue for him and many of his peers are “learning how to build strong business relationships; knowing how to communicate and promote yourself and your self-worth to other people, like if you go to an event many people don’t know how to market themselves and create good business relationships.”
I will share some guidance for Nicolas and any other young people who are trying to establish themselves in the world. Business relationships, like all relationships, take time to grow. For them to be solid and strong, they need to be genuine. To promote yourself and your self-worth, you need to first discover yourself, believe in your worth, and figure out what value you have to offer that will ideally be mutually beneficial to both people in the relationship.
Understand Your Identity and True Value
Too often, we shape our identity on who other people think we need to be. We look at what is trending and who is getting noticed. Turn off the screens for a while, take a walk or sit in silence and take time to really consider who you are – your beliefs, values, hopes, dreams –and who you are meant to become. Likewise, we sometimes think our worth goes up and down based on external input as if we are stocks or commodities being traded in the ever-volatile market. The first lesson to cement in your mind and your heart is that your self-worth is not defined by what you do, what you have accomplished, or your financial net worth. It is based first and foremost on who you are.
Figure Out What You Offer
Next, consider what you have to offer and hope to accomplish that will come out of your inherent value as a unique person. You can figure out your “value proposition” – what it is you have to offer – with an honest appraisal of your personal strengths, a healthy understanding as well of your limitations and weaknesses, along with your skills, gifts, interests, and unique life story. Continue getting to know yourself better and consider writing a personal “mission statement” that summarizes who you are, what you are about (your purpose), how you plan to pursue your purpose, and what you hope to bring to a company, community, and the world around you. When you know yourself, your value, and your mission or purpose, this will help you effectively communicate what you bring to a particular business relationship or a company.
Begin to Build
Now, when engaging in networking, take a sincere interest in the other party – their value, mission, interests, and what they have to offer. Look for areas of common ground or complementary interests. Ask yourself, is it sincerely a good business match? Can I see myself working with this person or company? If so, can you articulate why it is a good match? If you can, then come out and tell them – I was reading about your latest product designs and I was sincerely impressed. I love how you were inspired by XYZ… or, I really appreciated your company’s story. It inspired me in my own dreams for the future…”
Authentic connection arises from a sincere and genuine interest. Instead of a culture of mutually using one another to make money, land a job, or gain an advantage, you can build a culture of dignity and respect for the inherent value of each individual person and the unique gifts, qualities, and insights they bring. Some business relationships will be about learning and knowledge sharing, others will lead to business or job opportunities. A new business relationship is healthy and will grow if each party has something to offer. Let’s imagine you are travelling, maybe backpacking in the wilderness and you come across another backpacker. You have a fire-starting kit; the stranger (who let’s assume, you have already confirmed is not a threat) has gathered kindling and stacked wood. You have a few potatoes and some seasoning left in your pack. The stranger has a pot. Together you can build a fire and make tasty potato soup. Alone, you will be cold and eating raw potatoes. Perhaps a poor example, but the one that came to me. Strong business relationships and relationships in general, are built on sincerely offering what you have to give and seeing if it makes sense to combine what you have to create something even better.
Put the Pieces Together
In summary, with a few additional practical points, to begin to build strong business relationships and communicate your self-worth, I encourage you to:
Begin by first getting to know yourself. Identify your gifts, talents, interests, current knowledge, skills/abilities, and your current hopes, dreams, and goals for the future.
Consider writing a “mission statement” for yourself that affirms your value for who you are and highlights the unique gifts, abilities, experiences, interests you have. Take note of any areas of knowledge and skills you want to build, like learning about options trading, or experiences you hope to gain such as an internship focused on analyzing future trends.
When you are networking or meeting with people, adopt an “explorer mindset”, open to new discovery.
When meeting people you do not know, start with a sincere interest in learning about them. Strive to be interested versus worry about whether you are being “interesting”. Ask questions that invite the other person to engage and share some of their story (at an appropriate level of self-disclosure – you are getting to know them not interrogate them). Sometimes people will ask questions about you, but often, people will continue to talk about themselves. Don’t worry about it. Take note of anything you find sincerely interesting and that may match up to your own interest and pursuits. You are first building a (business) relationship that may (or may not) turn into a business opportunity. If you see a connection, then state it – “Your new product line sounds great. I have been spending time researching that market and see how it will add something new. It matches some of my own interests…”
When you know who you will meet with and what company or business they work for, such as a scheduled networking meeting with local business leaders or an interview for an internship opportunity, see beforehand what you can learn about the person and/or company. Do your homework again with an “explorer mindset”, open to discovery. What do you notice within yourself that piques your interest and sincerely makes you want to learn more? Then, knowing your own value and interests, what can you see adding to their company or business. Be prepared to make this connection if the opportunity arises.
In addition to looking for existing opportunities to network and form business relationships, make a list of people and/or businesses and organizations where you would like to make a connection. Ask yourself, why are you interested? – what can you learn and what can you offer? Then apply the other suggestions about your authentic interest and see if there is a way to reach out through a mutual contact, a respected social media platform such as linked in, through email, or even a handwritten letter (old fashioned but effective if you want someone to open something send a reasonably well-written letter that affirms your sincere interest in what they are doing, it is almost guaranteed to be read!)
In a world where everyone is trying to be noticed, spend more time on being useful. The enduring relationships that will build something healthy and contribute actual meaning to your own life and the world are the ones that are most genuine.
I will respond to another question that came up in our conversation about vocation and finding the courage to make the jump into the unknown future in a separate article. So many wonderful topics to consider with our young people, who personally fill me with lots of hope for our future.
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Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, MA, is a bilingual certified spiritual director, coach, facilitator, retreat leader, speaker, writer, editor, and organizational consultant. As founder of HELP Professional Services LLC, Angela sought to establish a unique organization centered around helping individuals, groups, and other organizations become who they are meant to be. Her unique background in intercultural communication, business, and spirituality has allowed her the opportunity to work with individuals and organizations across countries, sectors, and organizational levels. She brings her professional skills, fluency in Spanish, intercultural expertise, solid spiritual base, and relevant life experiences to the table. Angela has over 25 years of experience working with local, national, and international clients. This background allows her to listen for, observe, and understand the diverse needs of individuals, groups, communities, and organizations. Each presentation, retreat, workshop, and session is tailored to meet the current needs of the people with whom she has the privilege to work.
Angela actively seeks and works toward establishing an integrative life that allows her to invest a substantial portion of her time and talent building her family as well as building HELP Professional Services. She is constantly amazed at the lessons she learns as a wife and mother, that she can apply to her work and those from work that benefit her family
