Written by: Lauren Hirsch Williams, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Depression. Anxiety. Lockdown. Social Distancing. All different terms that create a feeling of isolation. Our new normal includes the effects of several years of a new sensation we can no longer ignore ‒ the feeling of loneliness or isolation. As we all are, you're probably still dealing with some of that isolating feeling right now from the pandemic. The sensation gets tighter and more claustrophobic as time goes by if you don't quickly learn how to deal with it proactively.
People with chronic illnesses understand isolation and loneliness better than most. You can learn how to survive isolating times from them because they, most likely, had to deal with overcoming those feelings long before Covid created a new normal.
I'm one of those people. I had to learn the lessons I'm about to share the hard way – step by step (or fall by fall).
Misdiagnosed for over 15 years with what turned out to be Chronic Neurological Lyme Disease and mold toxicity in my brain, I was debilitated for years and trapped inside the increasingly tight walls of a New York City apartment.
Venturing outside meant incapacitating vertigo that landed me on the ground for hours in frightening – and at times excruciating ‒ pain. So, I stayed inside… for days, weeks, and months at a time. I had no choice but to figure out how to accept and adapt to isolation.
Having been the life of the party for many, many years (not kidding), my new demeanor meant more than dealing with physical discomfort. It meant the loss of most of my friends who couldn't relate. They only knew the social butterfly. When that person was kidnapped by illness, they didn't know how to connect and took the easy route – they just went a different direction and left me behind ‒ both personally and professionally. As much as you expect people to vanish when times get rough – it still brings on unexpectedly strong feelings of loneliness.
How do you go about dealing with restlessness in these all-too-common isolated times? You set a plan for yourself. That's how.
You can do the basics: read books, watch TV, and clean your apartment or home until dust mites would rather find a new residence than face your third round of vacuuming in a day.
Most of us start with reading, but e-books make your eyes cross if you're at it too long. Binge-watching TV is great but can make you antsy after more than a few series. Cleaning? Well, that gets boring at any time.
Now what?
You first need to start with your attitude and mindset. That sounds like "woo-woo" stuff. But your mind controls your body. If your brain says, "I'm bored and crawling up the walls," your body follows, and restlessness attacks.
Bucket List Activity
You need to shift your thoughts and make this an adventure. Think of a way to decide how you want your future life to play out. One way is creating your bucket lists – personal and business. What do you want to do in life? In the next three years, five years, or ten years. Write it all down. Then list them in order of priority. In the early stages, keep the list within reason. Climbing to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro may need to wait. Try to stay in a reasonable yet challenging lane.
It's interesting how a written list can force change in your mind. Let it. Now that you have a bucket list (and some newfound hope and excitement), start diving into a few items. Pick the top three things and break down what you need to do to obtain or experience them.
As a business example, say I want to create a line of ice bags (that may sound like a totally random and obscure option, but when vertigo hits, ice bags become your lifesaver). First, I'll need to learn a lot about ice bags. Who makes them? How much are they? What would I call them? How are they manufactured?
You get it. The list goes on, and that shortlist has already filled up a few days of research on the internet.
Then you'd need to learn more about business itself.
How? You take online courses. First, you must research which online courses are the best, so you'll know where to spend your hard-earned dollars.
Not interested in starting a new business or already know a lot about it? That's fine. Apply the same process to a new hobby. If your work already takes up enough time and you want something fun to balance it amidst the loneliness, pick a few things that make you smile and start at the research phase. Then, keep moving forward as described above.
Movement and Attitude
You also need to move around as much as possible. Sitting all day adds a spread from your middle to your bottom. Muscles go limp, energy depletes, and hopelessness increases if you don't move as much as possible. Even if you find yourself only doing "rest-home" calisthenics – MOVE! Get the blood flowing.
Some chronically ill people are literally unable to move. But those who inspire us and live amazingly full lives are the ones who find a way to get in motion, even if someone else is pushing their chair. It doesn't matter if you're in a studio apartment or a palatial estate. MOVE!
That might mean just your arms. Or creating a pattern of walking around your home or apartment every few hours. It isn't about how rigorous the movement is; it's about the act of getting some blood to flow when you least feel like doing anything but lay on the sofa and space out while binge-watching Netflix.
Change of Scenery
Change up where you work on your computer. Start in your office and then move it and work in the kitchen. Take the laptop to your sofa. Sit on a chair on a balcony or in the backyard. It may not be a broad movement distance, but it's moving, nonetheless.
Unplugging everything and gathering all the papers or gadgets spread around your desk might seem like a hassle, but it's worth it. Find a new spot, settle in, and make it work for yourself.
A new view automatically triggers new thinking. It also adds a bit of vitality to an otherwise ordinary routine. Routines are meant to be changed occasionally. Ask any physical fitness trainer. If you use the same muscles in the same way every day, you will hit a plateau and won't see any new physical improvement. The same goes for the mind and attitude about your work setup.
It's all about connection
Next up is to communicate. There's nothing like knowing you have a chance to talk – or write – to people and actually are blessed with the time to take advantage of it.
Our "normal" days are filled with to-do tasks. Time flies so quickly that we don't know what happens to the day. "Where did the week-month-year go?" How is it nearly Christmas in a blink after Valentine's Day? Who knows, but it happens… every single year!
All those old friends we swore we'd be in touch with are still on the list of 'want to contact.' The longer you wait, the worse you feel about yourself.
Why?
It's a simple thing. You set your mind on something you want ‒ or feel you should – do, but you don't get to it. That's a mini sense of failure. You let yourself down, even if those other people didn't know you were planning to be in touch with them in the first place. Don't let your inability to follow through on contacting them be another reason to chastise yourself. That will chip away at your mindset, driving you deeper – albeit slowly – into more isolation.
Also, remember that social media can be a mood and enthusiasm killer. Seeing the world having a party, seeing your friends on exotic vacations, and seeing selfies of people hanging out with each other can trigger a real letdown. You may logically know their lives are not as rosy as they look, but those photos and videos circumvent logic and go straight to your emotional core.
Take care of yourself and avoid all things that bring you regret, sadness, or self-pity – even if it's just a picture of your best friend sitting on a horse from years past. If possible, try to bring some laughter or a smile into your life as you recall the time you rode a horse. Self-regulate your mental status as best you can. Then, just stop what you're doing and make that call. Any call. Or write to someone. A simple email is enough. A text can be even quicker. Get the ball in motion no matter how small the movement and soon the momentum will carry you to a reduced sense of loneliness.
One Step At A Time
It sounds like a lot when all you want to do in your semi-depressed, isolated existence is to sleep, but it isn't. Just take one step at a time, and before you know it, you've had a lift in spirit, and your isolation becomes more and more translucent… eventually fading away entirely. Or at least enough that it doesn't rule your daily mood.
Create your "realistic" and fun bucket list.
Figure out what's needed to start ticking off some of those things.
Make a plan.
Do some research.
Learn something. A skill. A hobby. A process that's necessary.
Reach out to other people.
Become a better ‒ or more frequent ‒ communicator.
Forgive people.
Ask for help.
Do something to amaze yourself.
Move.
And THEN find the next book to read or TV show to binge-watch.
Before you know it, days and weeks have passed. For some of us, those simple steps can take us through years of isolation. That's what happened for me. I've had my own pity parties and I still have a long list of people to call, but by and large, I didn't notice that I'd been in isolation for over a decade once I started doing these things. My life is full NOW. I still have moments of loneliness because I'm still human, after all. But I have the assurance that those momentary cases will pass.
You can live life with a destructive mindset and get sucked down a rabbit hole of negativity that leads to stress, insomnia, boredom, and irritability. Or you can focus and plan your way into positive, forward-focusing goals.
That new mindset isn't just about filling up the waking hours of your day but about planning and preparing for those things you genuinely want to accomplish in life.
Isolation can be a blessing in some ways. You finally get to do the things you never had time for. To plan for your future the way YOU want to, rather than what plan was already in motion. To take the first steps toward figuring out what you thought you wanted and what you actually DO want. But more importantly, it's a blessing in that you get to take the first steps toward achieving your goals and dreams, and future.
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Lauren Hirsch Williams, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lauren Hirsch Williams is a Business Relevance Strategist, Pitch Stylist, International Bestselling Author, and Award-Winning Screenwriter. With decades of experience, which includes Worldwide Director of Advertising at PepsiCo, Founder of MovieHatch, and Creator of the new MyTurn TV Network for empowering women, she’s been on all sides of the “table”. She teaches others to find their inner strength by using their senses in an uncommon way. Her recent bestseller, ONE SENSE AHEAD, explains the protocol to start that process.
