Written by: Alexandra Niel, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
On July 4th, 246 years ago, the Second Continental Congress unanimously adopted the Declaration of Independence, thereby putting an end to the rule of England over the colonies. On this date, America became free from the grasp of the Crown, free to make its own decisions and govern itself as it saw fit.
What about you? Isn't it time for you to declare your independence? You have the right to live your life on your terms, and the only way you can do that is by taking full, unapologetic ownership of yourself. It is time for you to break free from the constraints of society. It is time for you to architect your life to have the meaning and impact you desire.
It’s time to declare your independence and be free from…
Your Stories
We all have stories we grow up with. They are formed by what we see and hear, first from our parents who are doing the best they can, then from cartoons and what we watch on TV or the iPad, and finally from our teachers and the greater world around us.
How often do we question ourselves? How often do we ask, “Is this serving me?” Unless you’ve been on a personal development journey, chances are not so often. To be honest, even if you have been, it takes discipline and awareness to stop a story from playing out and ask ourselves whether or not it is helping or hindering. We have to be forever vigilant.
When we pay attention to our inner dialog, we begin to open up all sorts of growth opportunities, for improvement, to banish thoughts and ideas that are, if not destructive, getting in the way of our own success.
These stories give birth to our belief system and this belief system drives everything we do and how we do it. We have to ensure that our belief system isn’t BS, but that it helps us continue to grow. The wrong BS can keep us going through life numb and on automatic pilot. Or we can access the software and change the code that drives the behavior.
Imagine how different your life could be if you could “hack” your life! This is what changing the meaning you assign to your story can do for you. By upgrading your story and going from “victim” to “ownership”, you can hack your life for the better and go confidently in the direction of your dreams because nothing feels impossible.
Imagine finally, truly believing you are enough. You are smart enough, capable enough, strong enough, pretty enough, and all of the other “not enoughs” that might be running through your head. We all have them. They hinder us more or less depending on our history, but they are there. What would happen if you finally said “enough! I’ve had enough of not feeling enough!” and wrote a new script for yourself. What would your new life script look like? Doesn’t that make you feel excited?
It’s time to rewrite your story and make it work for you instead of against you. It’s time to take control of your life and declare your independence!
How Society Says You Should Behave
We’ve been indoctrinated to believe that women should behave a certain way, that we should be seen and not heard, that our opinions don’t matter, and so on. It’s no wonder that we have a hard time declaring our independence when these messages are being conveyed to us constantly. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You don't have to feel like you need to apologize for "taking up space". You matter and it's time for others to hear your voice!
Speak up for yourself. Your voice is powerful. If it wasn't, men wouldn't try so hard to quiet it. How many times have you borne witness to the power of women coming together and making their voices heard? Your voice matters and it is an effective tool for change. Don't stay quiet. Make a fuss. It scares the heck out of them!
Be confident and own your power. You are just as valuable as any man, even if society doesn’t always reflect that, especially as we land on the other side of the reversal of Roe v. Wave. When you know this deep in your core, it will be easier to listen to the whispers of your heart that will guide you to your truth. And what is your truth? It is your values, morals, and ethics. It is how you want to show up in the world and what you stand for. When you are clear on your truth, it becomes easier to live by it and act in accordance with it, even when it isn't popular or fashionable.
Trust your intuition. Trusting my gut is something I am relearning to do. When I was in corporate, I spent so much time thinking things through with my head that I forgot to listen to my gut and lost my ability to trust what it was telling me. I was always second-guessing myself. When you trust yourselves, you can better make decisions that reflect your truth.
Be assertive without being aggressive. Assertiveness is a learned skill and once you have it, it will serve you well in all areas of your life. When you are assertive, you are saying, “I matter and my needs are just as important as yours.” This doesn’t mean that you are selfish or that you don’t care about others, it just means that you have a healthy sense of what your boundaries are and are taking care of yourself first and foremost. And when you take care of yourself, you are in a much better position to take care of others.
It’s time to stop living by everyone else's rules and start living your life for yourself. It’s time to take back your power and declare your independence!
Thinking We Have to Do It All to Have It All
One of the biggest myths we’ve been fed is that we have to do it all to have it all. We can have a successful career and a happy family life. We can be well-rounded and fulfilled. We don’t have to choose one thing or the other. And yet, we often feel like we do. We feel guilty when we focus on our careers and neglect our families. We feel like we’re not doing enough when we’re at home with our kids and not working. We can’t win!
The truth is, we don’t have to do it all to have it all. We just have to do what’s important to us. We have to focus on what matters most and let go of the rest. We have to be willing to make sacrifices and trade-offs. And we have to learn to be okay with not being perfect.
In this quest to have it all, we often stay in jobs that leave us feeling unfulfilled and stuck. We value the security they bring, even though they leave us feeling exhausted and empty. We go through the motions day in and day out because we think this is how it has to be for us to have it all.
But, have you ever asked yourself "what does having it all mean for me?" Your definition of "all" might be very different from mine. Is your definition of having it all what society says it should be? And then, I ask, what is society's definition of having it all? It is that idea that we, as women should be "perfect", whatever that definition is. I speak to so many women who feel the pressure of succeeding at their job, and yet who are judged at every turn for wanting to work, and have a career while raising healthy children and pursuing their passion.
So, if you’re feeling like you can't have it all, ask yourself what’s important to you. What are your priorities? And then, make a plan to focus on those things. Let go of the rest. And don’t beat yourself up if you’re not perfect. Nobody is because perfection is an illusion.
It’s time to stop believing you can't have it all. It's time to do what is right for you and those you love. It’s time to redefine what having it all means for you and declare your independence!
In conclusion
Are you ready to declare your independence? If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, or like you’re not living your best life, it might be time to take back your power and start living life on your terms. Living your life for yourself means being true to yourself, setting boundaries, and being okay with not being perfect. It means understanding that your definition of having it all might be different from society's definition. And most importantly, it means doing what is right for you and those you love. So declare your independence today!
Alexandra Niel, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Alexandra Niel is a Certified High Performance and Mindset Coach and a FemCity Collective Leader. She has 30 years of experience in Corporate and is a French native who has lived and worked in Europe, Latin America, and Asia. Her journey into personal development and coaching began after a personal event and she became certified by the High-Performance Institute in 2016. Alex uses a mix of science-validated methodology, experience, and intuition to help women who feel stuck in their job overcome their inner limits so they can redesign their careers for maximum impact and joy in their life, without compromising their health or relationships.
Alex loves reading, discovering new restaurants, and trying different and exotic foods and is an avid traveler. Her motto is "Life is too short to not chase your dreams."
