Written by: Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The danger of delusional views of reality and love.
It must be love, love, love.
It possibly couldn’t be anything else, could it?
The human mind is easily manipulated by the wish to see life and love the way you want it to be. The pink glasses make your relationship perfect. The clever tricks of cognitive dissonance, denying reality, or blanking what doesn’t serve the picture distort the truth.
I have been humming ‘It must be love’ from Madness while writing this blog and thinking about how easy it is to mix up love with something else.
See for yourself.
I am only asking questions.
I am always looking to please him.
It must be love, love, love.
Or are just insecure and fearful of losing him?
I don’t know how she does it, but it always goes her way.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it skillful manipulation?
We leave each other space to pursue our own dreams.
It must be love, love, love.
Or are they just selfish?
He knows so much and he always gives me the right advice.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is he domineering?
I don’t want to go by myself. I want to do everything together.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it a lack of personality and hiding behind someone else?
She texts me at least three times a day to tell me she loves me.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it covering insecurity?
He asks questions about everything, he wants to know everything.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it overstepping boundaries?
I can’t keep my hands off her and we always end up in bed.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it just lust?
He doesn’t allow me to meet other men.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it jealousy?
She always criticizes me so I do my best.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it fear of rejection?
We are so similar, we are each other’s, soul mates.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it suffocation?
I feel comfortable with her. She would never cheat on me.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it keeping himself safe?
He thinks all I do is great and always tells me I am right even if I am not.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it colluding?
I work really hard and it’s lovely that she doesn’t want me to do anything in the house.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is he just selfish and is she a martyr?
He always takes over when I am upset.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is he a rescuer, making me a victim?
I need to know exactly where he is and what he does.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it controlling?
She continuously checks on my health-giving supplements and sends me to the gym.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it smothering?
He wants me to do exactly as he says and I love it.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it submission?
I do everything to accommodate him.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it low self-esteem?
I think about her all the time, what is she doing, thinking, and feeling.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it obsession?
If he is unhappy, I am unhappy.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it losing yourself and identifying with someone else?
I have given up meat, so he should do too.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it bullying?
He can really put me down, but when he apologizes I immediately forgive him.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it fear of confrontation?
I can’t believe that I managed to get such a pretty girl
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it low confidence?
I make the decisions for my partner all the time.
It must be love, love, love.
Or is it overstepping boundaries?
Just a few questions to make you think. About others, yourself, and your relationships.
If you would like to discuss this with me, just book that free coaching call.
Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.
