Written by Leela Samashti, Tantra Therapist & Coach
Leela is a an expert in the field of Tantra with over 20 years of experience of working with people in one on one sessions, couples and groups. She is the founder of 'Waves Tantra'. Leela is available for in person or zoom sessions.
Tantra Massage has gained enormous popularity in recent years. What does this practice offer to you and your relationship? And what is it really about?
First of all, what is Tantra?
Tantra is a 5000 year old Eastern practice but only in recent times, have western societies become aware of it. Tantra is a practice as much as a healing art form.
Traditional tantra views you as a being of light and energy that is manifested in matter, manifested in your body. In other words; your body is the temple in which your spirit resides. In Tantra we learn to recognize our own light and energy body and how to connect on that level. Working with our energy centers, our chakras gives us a map when cultivating and learning about our subtle energies and how they flow.
Modern tantra (also called Neo-Tantra) takes a deep and honest look at you and your relationship with yourself, your body, how you relate to others, and how you express and experience your sexuality.
Neo Tantra has introduced influences of Wilhelm Reich, Carl Jung and Leonard Orr into the field of Tantra. Those were some of the pioneers of what we now call “ Somatic Therapy”.
Neo Tantra has also embraced the art of Tantra Massage more than traditional Tantra.
Both, modern and traditional Tantra view your sexual energy as the root of your life energy, essentially your chi or prana. If the energy in your body flows naturally, you feel healthy, vibrant and happy. If your energy is blocked in places, you experience a lack of health, vibrancy and happiness.
Once the energy in your body flows freely and you are more aware of it, we then can begin to cultivate it and play with this energy.
At the heart of traditional Tantra, sexuality is included and celebrated on the path to realizing one’s true divine self and connection to all.
What is a Tantra Massage?
An authentic Tantra Massage will open your senses, ground you in your body and help you drop out of your mind. It will help you become aware and let go of blockages in your body and guide you towards a blissful presence in your body and in the moment.
The body is always in the moment, it has no other place to be while our minds most often are anywhere but in the present moment. So, as we become more ‘embodied’ we become more present within ourselves and with others.
Our body is where our spirit, our energy, our sexuality and also our emotions reside, not in our minds. The mind is there to help us observe (be present without judgment) and understand.
A quality Tantra massage will gently guide you into a trance-like state in which your awareness and your sensuality are fully expanded all the way from your toes to the top of your head. That is what we refer to as ‘full body sensuality,’ the foundation for a full body orgasm. You will experience a greater awareness of your senses: touch, smell, sound and taste. And with all of that, deeper feeling may arise as well.
It is a truly holistic massage which does not exclude any part of your body. Your whole body is the temple of your spirit. The body is sacred and most precious. We approach our own bodies and the bodies of our loved ones with love and reverence, transforming old feelings of shame and guilt we may have adopted at some point in our lives. A Tantra massage will help you let go of limiting beliefs, stored emotions and obstructing energies in your entire body and specifically in your pelvic area as well as in your genitalia, your sexual organs. Traditionally, this is referred to as ‘Lingam’ and ‘Yoni’ massage.
Lingam: Sanskrit for ‘Penis’. Direct translation: ‘wand of light’.
Yoni: Sanskrit for ‘Vagina’, direct translation: ‘gateway’ or ‘source.’
This tension can come from past trauma or feelings of shame and judgement around our sexuality and sexual organs. It may come from many experiences of ‘bad sex’ or from believes we have adopted about what it means to be a woman or a man.
These blockages and tension will affect how you experience your own sexuality and how you connect with your partner or lover.
Is a Tantra Massage different for a man than it is for a woman?
Yes and no. In many ways it is essentially the same for a woman or a man. And then in many ways it is different because men and women are different in many ways.
At the same time, we all do carry a lot of ideas or conditioning around what it means to be a man or a woman and with tt men and women tend to address different issues in a Tantra Massage.
For men, common issues are: Sexual stamina and confidence, PE, introducing the experience of full body sensuality, letting go of needing to perform, letting go of needing to take care of ‘the other’, getting in touch with deeper feelings, learning to experience energy full body orgasms.
For women, common issues are: Focusing on herself rather than focusing on her partner, letting go of the need to be seductive, self-love and acceptance (specially of her body), saying yes to her sensuality and celebrating it fully, healing trauma specially related to sexual abuse. Learning to let go into orgasmic states.
Women tend to need more time to open up fully than men. Research shows that average male orgasms last for 2-10 seconds and occurs 5 – 10 minutes after he begins to be excited whereas for a woman, it takes 30 min to 1 hour to be aroused and be orgasmic. This so called “orgasm gap” tends to cause a lot of disconnect between men and women in sexual relationships. In Tantra we strive to bridge this gap from both ends.
Tantra Massage can teach a man to stay aroused longer, with a deeper presence and confidence in his own energy. It can teach a man to discover full body sensuality and full body orgasms while those states tend to be more natural for women.
Tantra Massage for women offers a way to heal from past trauma and find a sense of celebratory ownership of her body and sensuality.
For both men and women, it is important to learn to be receptive: to receive and to let go of control. When we allow ourselves to receive fully, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable which is most vital in creating intimacy and connection between you and someone you love.
What Tantra Massage offers to everybody is to find healing in acceptance and celebration of the god given pleasures of the body.
Is Tantra for singles or couples?
Both. Tantra focuses on ‘You’ first. First, you have to be connected to yourself before you can truly connect with another.
Can Tantra Massage be beneficial to a couple?
Yes, absolutely! Tantra Massage is a wonderful way to deepen or heal your connection.
Being in a relationship, your sensual connection with your partner may dwindle over time or hit certain “road blocks”. Tantra Massage offers a fresh look at yourself and your beloved and a better understanding of your dynamics and what turns you on or does not turn you on. Learning how to give each other Tantra Massages may open up a whole new universe in your relationship.
A beautiful Tantra meditation for you: 'Breathe into the sensations'
This is one of the most fundamental awareness exercises in Tantra. You can do this anytime and anywhere, alone or with a partner. 10-30 minutes.
Find a comfortable position, either sitting up or laying on your back. You can be fully clothed.
Simply place your hand on your own belly and close your eyes.
Breath naturally and deeply through your open mouth ( inhale and exhale through open, relaxed mouth)
Then breath into the sensation in your belly that is created by your own touch. Breath into the warmth and weight generated by your own hand. And breath into any sensation that may occur in your belly.
Whatever feeling or sensation arises, breath into that. It is a bit like ‘breathing into the stretch’ in Yoga.
Then move your hand to your face and rest your hand gently on your face. Now breath into that sensation.
Go on and move your hand slowly around your body, resting at any place that is calling for your attention in that moment. May that be your chest, your head, your pelvis or your feet. Make sure not to rush in any way. Whichever place you are resting your hand on, stay there for a few minutes. Do not stimulate any part of your body. Simply breath into the sensation of your resting hand on different places of your body.
Have fun and be creative. Explore.
If you would like to find out more about Tantra and if its right for you, please schedule a free 15 minute consultation with me.
Visit my website for more info!
Read more from Leela Samashti
Leela Samashti, Tantra Therapist & Coach
Leela began studying the Art of Tantra, Meditation and Somatic Therapy since 1990. Her trainings stretch from Trauma Healing to Sexual Decoditioning, Breath and Energy work to Rebalancing, Shamanic Breathwork and Lomi Lomi massage. Leela has worked with thousnads of men, women and couples as well as groups.
