Written by: Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Alright… let’s talk about monogamy. It's this intriguing concept that's been floating around forever, right? And without question, our culture, society, and personal beliefs have all had a hand in shaping its normalized view as this magical promise of an unbreakable emotional bond, unwavering loyalty, stability, and that deep connection between two people.
And let's be honest... You might be nodding your head to this, also thinking, "Yep, monogamy's the only way to ensure all that good stuff." But have you ever wondered why we think that way?
Shaped by society: The influence of culture on monogamy beliefs
Well, it all starts with the world around us. Like I said, society has drilled into our heads that monogamy is the bee's knees when it comes to relationships. It's like a religious commandment, reinforced by all those sappy love stories on the big screen. So naturally, we grow up thinking that monogamy is the one and only path to a meaningful, stable, loyal, and loving relationship.
And then there's the fear factor. The idea of sharing our partner with others can send shivers down our spines. We worry about feeling left out, jealous, or even replaced, and monogamy seems like the perfect antidote to these terrifying emotions. Plus, we've got this notion of "exclusive love" deeply ingrained in our minds. Monogamy means being with just one person who fulfills all our emotional, physical, and sexual needs–it's like finding "the one" and locking it down for good. Non-monogamy, on the other hand, feels like watering down that special connection we crave. So, we stick with monogamy to keep that flame burning bright. And let's not forget the allure of stability and certainty. There's just something comforting about committing to one person and expecting them to do the same. And by embracing monogamy, we hope to dodge the emotional rollercoaster and heartbreak that can come with exploring other relationship styles. Now, what I’ll say next may be a hard pill to swallow, but it's still a fact nonetheless–are you ready? Monogamy isn't the only recipe for love. (Read that again)
Exploring ethical non-monogamy
Whether you realize it or not, a whole world of ethical non-monogamy exists out there, offering us different paths to love and connection. The main difference? It lets us form deep emotional bonds with multiple partners and redefine fidelity and loyalty according to our own values.
But don't get me wrong. In these open-minded relationships, you can still have stability, a strong commitment, and even raise kids–all through open communication and transparency. And to help paint a picture of how this relationship style works, let's take a closer look at one fascinating example: the polyamorous Vee relationship of Alex, Ben, and Casey. These three lovebirds are in it together–with Casey as the central hub who maintains intimate connections with both Alex and Ben. They're all nesting partners, living under one roof and intertwining their lives.
Stability and commitment: Building a solid foundation
Alex, Ben, and Casey are all about open communication and mutual respect. They have ongoing conversations about their feelings, needs, and desires, making sure everyone's voice is heard loud and clear. Simply put, they operate like a cohesive unit.
Subsequently, this allows them to foster this beautiful sense of emotional intimacy and support, ultimately building a committed foundation of trust where they can comfortably set expectations for fidelity, loyalty, and stability in their polyamorous paradise. This means they get to have those open chats about things like sexual intimacy, emotional involvement, how much time they spend with other partners, as well as long-term relationship goals. And by respecting these talking points, they prioritize each person's emotional well-being and the overall health of their relationship.
Balancing the load for a stable relationship
As for responsibilities? Well, they divvy 'em up fair and square. They tackle household chores, make financial decisions, and provide emotional support as a united front. It's all about balance and making sure no one person gets overwhelmed. They appreciate each other's contributions and have each other's backs through all of life's crazy twists and turns. And if you think that’s impressive, get this…Alex, Ben, and Casey are also raising kids together! They believe that love can take many shapes and forms and that unconventional relationships can be just as nurturing for children–as long as those involved are able to keep those lines of communication open and honest when discussing their intentions and desires around parenting. How do they make it work? Well, with a co-parenting plan tailored to their unique situation, they get to prioritize what's best for their children. Most importantly, their active involvement in their kids' lives showcases love, guidance, and unwavering support. By creating a robust support network involving all three adults, the children benefit from multiple caring role models who are deeply invested in their overall well-being. It's a nurturing and secure environment where the little ones can flourish and blossom. Neat, right?
Break free from expectations
So, here's the deal… Monogamy and ethical non-monogamy are like two different flavors of ice cream, and they're both delicious in their own way. What works for one person might not work for another, and that’s okay! That's what makes our human experiences so interesting. By exploring beyond traditional monogamy, we can honor our unique needs while valuing emotional connection, loyalty, stability, commitment, and family. Just remember that the secret sauce lies in open communication, consent, and respect for everyone involved. So, let's shake off those societal expectations and dive headfirst into a world of love, connection, and personal growth that's as diverse as we are. It's time to break free and discover new dimensions of love, my friend! Ready to embark on a journey of ethical non-monogamy or seeking support as you navigate your own path? I'm here to lend a helping hand. Discover more about me on my website, or book a call now to start a conversation. Let's talk and explore together!
Dr. Rachael Meir, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Rachael Meir is a Stanford-trained psychologist and Contemporary Relationship Clini-Coach® who specializes in ethical/consensual non-monogamy (including swinging, open relationships, polyamory, and other alternative lifestyles) and is sex-positive, LGBTQIA+ affirming, and BDSM/kink aware. As a bisexual woman in a polyamorous triad relationship herself, Dr. Meir is dedicated to helping individuals navigate the challenges of opening their relationships and sustaining multiple sexual and romantic partnerships. With extensive experience working with a wide range of clients, she has a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by those living outside the bounds of heteronormative sexual orientations and monogamous relationship structures. She offers individual and group coaching to help clients learn the necessary skills to create secure and healthy relationships that work best for them.
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/health/ethical-non-monogamy-polyamory#myths
https://ideapod.com/how-to-make-a-non-monogamous-relationship-work/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/monogamy#:~:text=Reasons%20a%20person% 20might%20choose%20monogamy%3A&text=You%20enjoy%20feeling%20special%20an d,just%20one%20relationship%20to%20nurture.
https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/polyamorous-parenting-the-surprising-benefits-of-the-ultimate-modern-family/
