Written by: Dr. Leslie Davis, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Are you in a relationship with the hopes of marriage as your final destination?
I want you to consider this…
Do you both know where you’re going?
Who’s leading the way?
Have you ever tried to find your way in an unfamiliar place, in the dark? It’s scary, right? I recently took a trip to a place I’d never been to and I was excited but noticeably cautious. Thankfully Siri guided my direction. While attempting to reach my destination I couldn’t figure out how to sync my cellphone to the car radio, so I could barely hear the directions. I started to slow down, watch for street signs and make sure I didn’t miss my turn.
Although I wasn’t in a hurry, I was hoping to get to my destination as soon as possible so I could rest. This experience reminded me of what it’s like while navigating relationships. Every relationship is unfamiliar territory, even if you’ve previously been married. Each relationship provides an opportunity to travel differently. Relationships have twists and turns, and many times we have options to take a turn in a different direction. But we might hesitate when we don’t know where we’re going or if we don’t pay attention to the signs along the way. Consider the type of relationship traveler you are. Maybe you’re the type of person who likes to take the same path every day, because you know that to expect. You know the timing of point A to point B, and you can predict the best time of day to avoid traffic. Have you noticed you’re the same in relationships? It’s possible you date the same type of person, because their behaviors are predictable, and you feel more comfortable navigating roadblocks such as emotional outbursts. You enjoy predictability because it feels safe. I would guess that you are a master at avoiding triggering topics of conversation in an attempt to preserve your sanity. Maybe you’re the type of person who enjoys exploring new paths. You enjoy going with the flow, no matter where the road takes you. You might find that you don’t necessarily have a type when it comes to choosing a romantic partner. You might also find yourself lost in relationships, not knowing exactly how you came to the end of the road. When we move too fast when trying to navigate unfamiliar territory, we often miss our turn. If you’re still waiting to arrive at the altar, you might feel like you’ve missed your turn. If you tend to move fast in relationships, possibly due to having an anxious attachment style, you may have found that you’ve missed your turn for marriage. Maybe the relationship ended prematurely, leaving you heartbroken…again. Your fast-paced relationship likely resulted in missing your turn to exit the relationship that you realized was not healthy for you.
When we move too fast in relationships, we are bound to miss red flags.
If you and your partner are clearly moving in the same direction, it’s likely that your relationship feels safe and secure. You move in sync and create a poetic love story. But what happens if you and your partner are on the same path but at different speeds? Your relationship might experience friction as you approach relational speed bumps, and you may begin to feel a sense of insecurity. If you’re in a relationship where you and your partner are on different paths, it’s time to decide which direction you want to go. Don’t be afraid to take the exit. You might find a nice surprise at the end of the road. At times we need a personal Siri, aka a Relationship Coach to help us navigate the twists and turns and sometimes toxic behaviors with our romantic partners. If you’re feeling lost, I’d love to connect with you and join you on the path to developing a healthy relationship.
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Dr. Leslie Davis, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Leslie Davis is a licensed counselor, relationship coach, mental health consultant, and podcaster. Using an Emotion-Focused approach, she empowers women and youth with tools to develop healthy connections. Her work with clients focuses on attachment styles, self-esteem, and empowering women to cope with anxiety and depression. As the Founder and Executive Director of Hearts in Faith, NFP Dr. Davis also brings awareness and addresses the needs of single mothers, single fathers, and youth in her community. You can find her podcast, She Matters with Leslie Davis, on various platforms including Apple and Spotify.
