Written by: Lark Ericson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Yes, there is such a thing as spending too much time on your hobbies! Having a hobby or something in your life that sparks passion in you is incredibly good for your mental health, but be careful not to make it your whole identity. We all know that hobbies can challenge and inspire us, help us grow as individuals, and do a great job of killing time. However, when it’s all you do or talk about, you become one-dimensional, and suddenly you’re either deemed boring or obsessive. If your hobby is your whole identity, you are probably missing out on how much life has to offer.
I have so much respect for people who fall in love with a hobby and really submerge themselves in it. It’s so fun to study something thoroughly and challenge yourself to get better and better.
People who excel at their passions show a lot of character strength. In order to be great at something, you had to suck first, and since no one is paying you to be great at your hobby, you had to find your own motivation and determination to be excellent. Kudos to you.
Being good at and loving a hobby is one thing, but being obsessive is another.
Is your hobby your identity?
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to see if you’re too absorbed in your hobby:
How much time does my hobby take up?
Do I have any friends outside of my hobby?
Even when I'm not actively doing my hobby, do I think about it constantly?
Has my partner mentioned that I spend too much time on this hobby?
What you can do to have more balance in your life
The best thing you can do is be open to new experiences. Try a variety of things that you’re interested in and see what sticks. Of course, coaches love to say, “Schedule your activities,” but I think this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it's great to carve out time for your hobbies and time for your relationships, but what about being in the flow? Sometimes the mood strikes you, and you have to follow that energy. This is when some of the greatest rewards and enlightenment come. Use these opportunities to improve your communication and express to your partner what you need at that moment. Be careful, however, not to use being in the flow as an excuse to blow off other obligations.
Is your hobby hurting your relationship?
Hopefully, your partner understands you and gives you the space to enjoy your hobbies. Some of my clients are in relationships where one person has hobbies and the other doesn't, and the imbalance causes a lot of struggle. Usually, the one without the hobby tries to derail the one with the hobby, wanting their partner’s full attention for themselves.
But what if you spend more time with your hobby than your partner? What if you only talk about your own passions and never share theirs? Your partner may feel like they are unimportant to you, and that could cause them to pull away.
One way to combat this is to have a separate hobby that both you and your partner enjoy. Start by experimenting together. Try a few random things and see what both of you enjoy doing together. This could be a really fun way to see each other in a new light.
However, if either of you has a passion that is outside of what you do together, it is very healthy to keep them separate. It's great for you and your relationship to maintain some individuality and time for yourself. If your partner has something that they love doing, don’t try to join in, or worse, take it over. Give your partner the same understanding and space to enjoy their own hobbies.
It’s also important to take an interest in each other's hobbies. Allow yourselves time to nerd out together. Even if what your partner does is not interesting to you, take the time to engage with the topic and show interest. It's wonderful to support and be enthusiastic about your partner's passions.
Having hobbies is such an important part of maintaining your mental health in this hectic and distracting world. The benefits of having a creative, educational, or fun outlet become even more important as we age. Hobbies keep your mind sharp and hopefully give you joy. We can always use more joy in our lives.
Take some time to reflect on your hobbies and the amount of time you spend engaging with them. Check-in with your partner on their hobbies, and maybe find something you can enjoy together. Practicing self-reflection and showing interest in your partner’s hobbies is a great way to be mindful of the balance in your life and the health of your relationship.
If you're interested in working with Lark to create healthy, fulfilling relationships while increasing your emotional intelligence and confidence, reach out today for a free consultation and start your journey toward stronger connections and a more fulfilling life.
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Lark Ericson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Lark Ericson’s mission is for men to have healthier relationships with themselves and others. She experienced severe burnout and throughout her healing journey, many men in her life confided that they don’t have the same encouragement from their communities to make time for themselves as women do. Lark is a certified health and life coach, a certified hypnotherapist, and a registered nurse. Drawing from her own experiences in restoring her mental and physical health, she has established a program that provides men the perspective and tools to create the lives they want.
