Written by: Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Did you ever try to get over toxic marriage or difficult childhood, yet, you were stuck? Did you ever try to change something about yourself, but found yourself ending up in the same kind of situation, habit or the same unwanted results? That’s because there was an elephant in your way!
How can I have an elephant blocking my view and not see it?
In my line of work, I explain with stories. So, I am going to share the story of an elephant and a flee. This was the first story that I heard in my coaching school. Here is my version of it.
Elephants and flee are really good friends and neighbors. It is mid-summer, a sweltering afternoon. The flee has no air-conditioning. She thinks that going to the beach would be a good idea. But the beach is far and she is small.
“But wait! My friend elephant, maybe he could take me? We could spend a nice day on the beach together.”
So, the flee knocks on elephant’s door: “Hey elephant, it’s really hot. I would like to go to the beach, but it is far for me. Would you take me to the beach?”
“Oh flee, what a great idea. It will be my pleasure to take you and spend a day by the water. Let’s go.”
The flee jumps on the elephant’s back and off they go. Elephant knows how to get to the beach, so flee relaxes on his back, even falls asleep. Hmmm … Suddenly there’s noise – cars are honking, the flee opens her eyes and looks around. They are stuck downtown, in the traffic, the heat is magnified by the concrete buildings, and asphalt …
“Flee, I am really sorry. I don’t understand how I could get off the road. Please let me make it up to you – let’s go to the beach tomorrow. OK?”
The morning after, the flee knocks on elephant’s door. “Ahhh. Good morning, flee. Ready to go? I got us help today: I am bringing my GPS and I already programmed the destination. So, we will not get lost.”
And so they go, following the friendly GPS voice, chatting. This time flee doesn’t sleep tough, she keeps track, just in case her help was needed. Everything goes great, but at the last turn, instead of turning right, the elephant turns left.
Flee screams: Elephant, elephant, what are you doing? Turn right. No, right, turn right!”
GPS says: “Recalculating … make a U-turn … make a U-turn … recalculating … go straight … 4 hours to destination.”
The flee screams, but the elephant keeps going and doesn’t hear anything. Eventually, he wakes up when they are deep in the forest: “Where are we? How did we get here? And where is the beach?”
They are both dirty, all bitten by mosquitos and scratched by branches. The elephant is sorry, the flee is mad but forgives him, … and so, the story continues … elephant always tries to help, but he never does.
My twist to the story is: imagine the elephant was attacked by a crocodile on that beach when he was a baby. Or, his parents used to argue there and eventually got divorced. Or, his fiancée broke up with him there. He’s going to make sure that he will never – go – back to that beach because for him it represents painful memories.
How does the story of the elephant and the flee relate to us?
We all have an elephant and a flee inside of us: in our brains, in every cell of our body. This is not me giving a scientific explanation of the brain. This is me using analogies and stories to understand ourselves better.
The flee represents the 10% of the brain, the logical brain, the part that is aware. The elephant represents the supposedly dormant or not active, 90% of the brain. But the elephant never sleeps, and is ever active because our brain cannot be “not active”. An inactive brain is dead.
I’d like to show you three examples of how this story may play out in our lives:
1. Flee, the 10%, says: “I want love. I want to be loved. I want a relationship.” And you work on that. And everything is fine, until it all falls apart. The spouse, the friend hurts you, betrays you. Then you ask yourself: “What’s going on? Why me? I don’t understand, why is this always happening to me? I am a decent, loving person. Why people wouldn’t love me back?”
The elephant has a different story. He remembers, how your father used to say: “You are so nice and smart too. I love you honey, too bad that you are a female. Hmmm, all females are wicked, source of temptation, … evil that’s what they are.”
And so, you enter into toxic relationships, without knowing why. Or, you have a wonderful relationship and then you sabotage it. All this without knowing why. Unable to change.
2. Flee says: “I want to quit smoking. I’ve been smoking for too long. I’ve tried quitting many times. But now, it is overdue, I can feel the toll it takes on my body.”
Elephant says: “That doesn’t really fit with my point of view. Your parents were smokers, your grandparents too. They are all gone now. You loved them very much and you miss them. And as long as you smoke, you are connected to them. You show your love, loyalty, and every time you smoke – hmmm – that wonderful smell, their love, their presence …” Unable to change.
3. Flee says: “I have a successful career, but at home… no matter what I do, eventually things fall apart.
Elephant says: “Huh, of course. Don’t you know that it’s impossible? It’s either a thriving career or a happy family. You can’t have it all. They just don’t go together. Since I know how important your career is to you, let’s work on that and the family has to go.” Relationships fall apart. Unable to change.
Now, who’s running the show? The flee or the elephant?
I think it is very easy for the elephant to run the show, given his size. He only has to make a little push to get results. The flee, on the other hand, while it is not impossible to push and get results, she just has to work much, much harder.
Our brains, the entire 10% and 90%, are busy, at all times. The question is with what will our brain be busy. For most of us, the elephant is a mystery. More often than not, we have no idea what the elephant is doing, thinking; and why, when, where with whom.
Elephants are big, yet I see nothing in my living room ...
“Just because something is invisible or we don’t know it exists, it does not mean it isn’t there. Neither does it mean that we just have to take it and let it command our lives.”
This is when intuition comes in. Quite often, we actually do “see”. But we discard that “knowing” because it is strange or not logical; or we believe it is only our imagination. When I work with my clients, we work on this invisible “what” and “why”.
We know about the analytic brain – the “I’m aware. I decide. Cogito, ergo sum.” And also, the left and right brain. But we also have the elephant, the “unaware, unconscious”, … it goes many names.
I have learned that this unawareness, the “what”, can be divided or observed on four major levels:
1. Core level: time during pregnancy and the first four years of our lives. These years are incredibly formative: at this age, we have no filter, so we absorb everything we see, hear or feel. We do not know what’s right, what’s wrong. Family teach us. Our survival depends on our parents. They have the authority, our unconditional trust. It just is: we love them and we want them to love us back. Since we are highly vulnerable, our parents, grandparents and siblings leave a massive invisible imprint on us.
2. The genetic makeup: our parents, siblings, grandparents, all the ancestors are present in every cell of our bodies, in our DNA. And so, they pass to us through the genes not only their hair or face, but also their immunity, their knowledge, their talents, their joy and their suffering. We are connected with our family through these invisible, genetic bonds.
3. The history/society level: the society today as well as throughout the human history. The society, in addition to the family, also tells us what what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s legal, illegal, ethical, unethical, what we should do, what we should think, how we should behave ... And we want to fit. In addition, the society tells us what is possible and what is not possible; how genetic diseases or bad habits get passed down from generation to generation. They also tell us what family values are, what family means. That we can’t choose your family. That it’s hard to break generational karma: “Like father, like son, like mother like daughter ... Even if we do not agree with what we hear, we humans, have been conditioned to believe what we hear repeatedly. And if the information comes from an authority, we don’t even question it. Plus, why question if we can see the proof happening all around us. The history level also includes past lives.
4. The soul level: our soul, our life force, our essence, the true us, or, if you wish, the flame that burns inside of us and drives us, inspires us but also cries with us. The soul – we – chose our experiences and lessons before we incarnated. We made promises. Here is the thing: the soul lives in a different reality, very different from ours. While we live limited by time and space, the soul has no body, has all the time and space. As such, it has a completely different perspective on life. It may easily feel and think completely differently from us. When I say “us”, this is the aware, the 10%, logical us.
These four levels are the “what” in the elephant. And these four levels, when we dig deeper and ask questions, they also help us to find out the “why” – the root of the challenge.
Why working on all these different levels? Why not to use just one or two techniques?
Honestly, I tried and I felt like I was just beating around the bushes. I prefer working on all these levels simultaneously because we connect the left brain and the right brain. At the same time, we connect the heart and the brain (heart-brain coherence). We also connect with every cell of the body, all the way to the DNA, the energetic body and the divine. In my experience, this multi-level approach speeds up the healing, and facilitates often instantaneous and long-lasting results. We work on the cause, the root, not just the symptoms. Last but not least: the client is aware of the work, client can (after a while and if they wish) continue working on their own. How empowering is that?!
OK, maybe I do have a problem. Now what?
The four levels of consciousness store our experiences, our joy and suffering. With time, they become engraved, like when a sleigh passes through snow … with every passing the trail behind is deeper and deeper. And so, we form our views, opinions, beliefs, that may become outright hardcoded programs.
Your brain, the elephant, loves you unconditionally and has one objective – to protect you and make you happy. But you and your brain, you tow have different objectives: you want to thrive, work on what you are passionate about, … and the elephant wants to keep you safe! So, discover your elephant, connect with it, and teach it how to work with you instead of against you.
Next time: we will continue discussing how the major four levels interact and intertwine with each other. What is the common thread and how to unravel it. We will start discussing how this all affects the family dynamics, how come that our family has such a powerful influence over us. And finally, I will share an exercise for discovering your elephant.
Book a free consultation at familyhealingwithrose.com to find out more about my approach and if it is for you. Alternatively, you can join Dr. Pat Baccili and me as we discuss every second Wednesday of a month at 14:00 EST why taking responsibility and ownership of your energy matters. Learn how to do it, but most importantly, learn how it can change your life. Listen live or replay Family Healing with Rose: Take responsibility and ownership of your energy.
Visit my website for more info!
Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Rose Salkova is a Life Coach focusing on Intuitive Family Healing. Family relationships are in the heart of her practice because she believes that they are at the bottom of our suffering as well as the base of our well-being. She offers insight into the spiritual aspect of family relationships and actionable steps how to resolve them. Her mission is to help people that are dispirited by their family life to put a smile back on their faces. To help them to resolve their past, bring colour back into their lives, get relief, be free, feel whole, get a peace of mind and to rise again.
