Written by: Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“I can’t find a fulfilling career. My parents are toxic. My spouse diminishes me. My children yell at me: “I hate you”. My children act out at the school. I try my best, to show proper behaviour, we go to therapy …”
What if I told you that you were unable to change it because you were working on the symptoms and not on the root? Because it is not what it looks like?
The four levels of consciousness ‒ early childhood, genetic, history and soul ‒ store our experiences, our joy and suffering. With time, they became outright hardcoded programs. How does this play out in a family?
The four levels interact, they intertwine and form a strong energetic hold. All quietly behind the scenes. This invisible hold makes healing family trauma so hard. When a random stranger says something insulting, we shake it off quickly. But what the mother, father, ex, … said – we remember in excruciating detail for decades.
3 Examples OF How the Core and the Genetic Interact
1. “I hate my father.”
Through the genes, I actually hate myself, because his genes are in every cell of my body. Can you imagine the level of self-loathing this generates? In every cell of the body! And through my genes I pass this parent hate and the self-hate to my children. They will hate themselves and they will hate me.
One, without being aware of it, and two, without knowing why.
Here is the candy: my kids were supported, respected and nurtured; they grew up in a safe and loving environment. “Ah, you just hate your parents for no reason, everybody does.” This, my friends, is a myth. If your kids hate you, they have a “reason” and it’s not what it looks like! In fact, as generations pass, the children become the innocent bystanders that get hurt. This is why when there is a problem with the child, we start with the parents.
2. “I hate my ex.”
Again, through the genes, you hate your children. The children know. In spite of that you never say out loud, “I hate your mother; therefore, I hate you.” On the contrary, out loud you say: “I love you honey.” And you just started mixed messages.
3. “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
“Get out. You are not my child.” They deny your truth, they deny you. At the same time, they deny themselves. Unfortunately, you may start denying yourself.
Now remember that this hate or denial is happening on the invisible, core and genetic levels. You may say and think otherwise, but deep down this is what is playing out.
Just for a second, think about it:
How do we behave toward people that we hate?
How do we behave around people that we know hate us?
How do children act or react when they feel hate?
Now ask yourself the same questions, knowing that the hate is only somewhere deep in your gut. You don’t know about it, you have no reason for it; yet somehow it is there. Exactly, there is no difference.
How do we feel when things don’t make sense and the air is filled with invisible hate, grudge, resentment, anger, fear …?
How do we behave? Do we avoid, judge, hurt others or ourselves …?
We also fight for the family. In order to correct, we spend years trying to keep it together, arguing, working with the school, the councillors, therapy … working hard on the symptoms = the undesired behaviour. With little or no result.
However, if I hate myself, how can I expect others not to hate me? We attract = create what we are. We are what we believe deep inside what we are – not what the ego says. So, it is not my toxic spouse, friends, boss, mother, … it is me, it starts with me. I am the root.
Effect of the Society and Past Lives
When we are born, we get a clean slate. We should focus on today. Past lives should stay in the past. However, sometimes the trauma was so strong that it manifests today. And it can be quite confusing because there’s no obvious reason for whatever is happening. Or it’s simply karma.
In addition, take the image of family prevalent in the society today and compare it with what it was few hundred years ago. What family should be, how we should feel, think, act, … if not – you are either a victim or a villain. What a pressure! By all means family is sacred, however, if you do not have a conventional family, there is a reason for that. Honour your reason.
The Soul Level – Soul Mission, Soul Contracts and Obligations
In close relationships, the mirror effect is very strong – what triggers you, what gives you grief is exactly what your soul has chosen to learn. We come here to learn love, forgiveness, compassion, laughter, …
People around us reflect back to us what we need to work on. Some do it automatically (like when sun goes in your eyes, you cover them), others do it by purpose. These are those that made a promise to each other prior to incarnation: “I can/will help you with that challenge.” These are family members and friends. So yes, we choose our family! We choose our family because we wanted to learn, to experience something specific. The more it hurts, the more important to face because our family will not give up on us, they will provide. So, if you hate yourself, and you need to learn self-love, your child will keep yelling back at you, “I hate you!” and they will not quit until you got it!
Moreover, friends and colleagues will provide. Meaning, I will also keep attracting situations outside of the house – where people will show their hate toward me.
Now put your early childhood, genetics, society pressure, past life and soul contracts together and voilà. This is why the family has such a strong hold over us. This is why family trauma is so hard to heal. All these invisible, yet powerful bonds keep us stuck. If one family member tries to change or pull away, they, unaware, pull the rest of the family right with them. There’s no escape: the more you try to get away, the more they are right beside you.
The Change
Then someone, in the family (me, you) starts working on themselves. You discover the beliefs, the programs that you have been carrying inside and how they affect you, your family, your work ... you change.
I resolve, “I hate myself.” My child will stop yelling “I hate you” and instead say, “I love you; I appreciate you.” I sleep well, go out, exercise. I am happier every day. I look forward to the morning. I go back to my favourite hobby because I have the time and the energy. I smile again. I find a job where I am appreciated.
Bonus question: “You can only change yourself; you cannot change others!” True or false?
OK, this is a tricky question. The answer is both. Allow me to show you.
If I have the program, the belief “I hate myself” my young children or teenagers, or my husband will keep yelling at me, “I hate you”. On the conscious level asking for my children to stop yelling to me is futile because it is not what it looks like!
However, on the subtle level, there’s a side effect of energy work: The moment I address the root and shift: “I hate myself” to “I do not hate myself” – this trickles down through the DNA bond to the children, the grandchildren, to the generations that are still to come. We are changing others and the future. Plus, the healing will also trickle up, through the DNA bond to my ancestors. We are changing – healing them, the past. This work is out of time and space. This is the energetic work that breaks down generational karma; healing me, my ancestors and generations that come after me. Others change.
Human brain is simple – it loves us more than anything else and has one objective – to protect us and thus make us happy. However, the part of brain or the consciousness that responds is also:
either about 4 years old (draws on experiences during early childhood), or
genetic – from our ancestors – so it doesn’t even belong to us, and given the human history it may be outdated, just think 7 generations back, or
is based on our society or history and likely not ours, or outdated, or past life karma, or
is driven by the soul, that is a very important part of us. But when we are disconnected, or even the soul, as wise and experienced as it is, can have an outdated view or not understand the life here and today.
And so, we live the life of a 4-year-old, the life of our ancestors, past life, what society thinks, or obey at any cost soul contracts. Where is my life in here?
The Unravelling of It All
“It is not what it looks like, folks!? Sounds unbelievable? Nonsense? That’s what I thought until I tried.”
Yet the process is simple. It is so simple that we find it hard to believe; and it only requires commitment, honesty and open mind.
Since we are all here for a reason: to experience, to learn, to connect with each other, ... When I work with clients on their family relationship healing, we go through these steps:
Step 1: Why did I choose to be born? What’s my mission? What did I come here to learn?
Step 2: Why did I choose my mother, my father, my wife, my children …?
Step 3: Muscle test for invisible beliefs
Step 4: Ask questions to find the root of what’s bothering you
Step 5: Shift the energy
The first two steps require the work of an intuitive and are rather questions of interest. For some of us though finding the answers is an important part of the healing process. It was for me. You can contact me for a reading or ask an intuitive you know for help with these questions.
But anybody can do step 3, 4 and 5. Here is an example of how you can work by yourself; just adapt it to your situation.
Ex.: “I hate myself; I smoke and cannot quit.” I hate myself and as a consequence, I do not treat my body with respect – I smoke.
Smoking is the symptom. Self-hate is the reaction, the coping strategy. What is the root? This is where it gets crafty because we are unique and our reason why we do something – the root – is unique too. Therefore, it is crucial to find your story. As a result, do not be surprised: different individuals will have the same symptoms, but a totally different root cause. For example, one person was told repeatedly by the mother how bad he/she was. Second was a violent person in a past life and at the end realized that was wrong. Third feels loved and connected to the parents and grandparents, who were smokers, but are long gone. Fourth, smokes to blend in because in their country, about two hundred years ago sticking out of the crowds was a death sentence. Wild, isn’t it? To the logical brain? Absolutely! But it makes a perfect sense in the subtle energy world.
Now that we’ve demonstrated the difference between a symptom, a coping strategy and a root cause, we can proceed to the next step and you can start muscle testing yourself. Those who are not familiar with muscle testing can go to my website; I posted videos about it.
Simply test one belief after another and note the results down.
Muscle test yourself first: I accept myself. I love myself. I hate myself. I forgive myself.
Say: “I accept myself.” If your body’s response is a “yes” – wonderful; proceed to the next question. If the response is a “no” – this is not a beneficial program to live by. If something bad happened, first step is to accept that it happened. Remember that accepting or forgiving it does not mean approving. It means stopping the resistance, so you can move forward.
For any “no” result, ask yourself: “When do you remember feeling this in the past? Did it happen before that? When did it happen for the first time? What was going on in your life?” This is how you look for the root, not the symptom.
Next, and this is a big one, ask yourself: “How does it serve you, f.e. not to accept yourself the way you are, to hate yourself, etc.?” Yes, whatever is going on inside you and around you serves you one way or another. The brain is very efficient and only keeps what serves you. “Sorry mom, I have a bad cold, I can’t come to the family gathering.” Does it ring a bell?
And next: “What have you learned?” Maybe I learned that violence is wrong. Or that my mother only spoke with criticism because she loved me and wanted me to learn quickly through pointing my errors. But you have come to understand that compassion and positive support are a much better teacher.
Last, shift the energy. Change from “I hate myself” to “I hate myself no more.” Again, everybody can do this. Close your eyes and – whichever way works for you – imagine how the idea of “I hate myself” leaves you and is replaced by “I hate myself no more.” Intention is what makes this work.
Important: whenever you remove something from yourself, always, always replace it with something beneficial, something that you would like to have. Because the world of energy, the universe, does not like an empty space or a vacuum. It will either pull back the idea that you just removed or it will fill that void with something else, whatever is available.
And so on and on. Continue at first with the four basic beliefs for yourself. When you are done, proceed and start testing for your mother: I accept my mother. I love my mother. I hate my mother. I forgive my mother. Then father, husband, wife and so on.
You will not do it all in one day; you shouldn’t either. Each belief will ask for time to be fully integrated. How much time? Sometimes seconds, sometimes a day or a week. Only your body can tell, so listen to it.
Conclusion
I am not going to pretend that this technique will solve all your problems. This technique, simple and effective, will open the door to your well-being. In fact, it will give a strong kick to that door. But it is your choice to continue the journey. I hope you will. I hope you will find magic and joy in your life again.
But, if you think that what happened to you should be kept a secret or to sack it up and burry it really deep down – guess what – you’re not burying it down, you are passing it on. Resolve it instead.
Our behaviour as well as our invisible energies affect not only us. We create what is inside us, not what we think is inside us.
The traumas that we inherit them from our parents – if not resolved, we live their lives. Then, we affect those that come after us, our most beloved. We are passing on our traumas and dramas down the line to our children and grandchildren. Then they live our lives or the lives of their grandparents, instead of their own.
This is why I say take responsibility of your energy. It’s not only “Are you mad? Pull yourself together and act professionally!” The responsibility goes deeper and further.
“It is not what it looks like, folks! “
Book a free consultation at familyhealingwithrose.com to find out more. Alternatively, you can join Dr. Pat Baccili and Rose Salkova as they discuss every second Wednesday of a month at 14:00 EST why taking responsibility and ownership of your energy matters. Learn how to do it, but most importantly, learn how it can change your life. Listen live or replay Family Healing with Rose: Take responsibility and ownership of your energy.
Visit my website for more info!
Rose Salkova, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Rose Salkova is a Life Coach focusing on Intuitive Family Healing. Family relationships are in the heart of her practice because she believes that they are at the bottom of our suffering as well as the base of our well-being. She offers insight into the spiritual aspect of family relationships and actionable steps how to resolve them. Her mission is to help people that are dispirited by their family life to put a smile back on their faces. To help them to resolve their past, bring colour back into their lives, get relief, be free, feel whole, get a peace of mind and to rise again.
