Written by: Dr. Veronica Powell, PhD, LPC,PC, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Imagine a world where every conversation, every email, and every gesture is understood exactly as intended. Now snap back to reality—where miscommunication is an unwelcome but frequent guest in our personal and professional lives. In personal relationships, it is the root of misunderstandings and conflicts. Professionally, according to the State of Business Communication: The Backbone of Business Is Broken report, it is estimated that up to $1.2 trillion annual loss among businesses is due to ineffective communication (Carufel, 2022). In this article, we will uncover how Kendall's Life Languages™ can be the key to unlocking effective communication, saving relationships, and boosting bottom lines.
The pain of ineffective communication
Ineffective communication can lead to countless problems. In personal relationships, it is often the root cause of misunderstandings and emotional distress. In the professional realm, poor communication can result in decreased productivity, low morale, and substantial financial losses. Therefore, the ability to communicate effectively is more than a soft skill; it is a critical component of success in every area of life.
Kendall's life languages™: An overview
Kendall's Life Languages™ Communication System was born from Fred and Anna Kendall's desire to create a communication tool that honored the individual's character and adaptability. Their own marital and workplace communication challenges became the impetus for developing a system that does not pigeonhole individuals into a single category; rather, it acknowledges that each person communicates using all seven languages, depending on various situations and circumstances. Life Languages™ are divided into three categories based on Actions, Feelings, and Thinking:
Action: Mover (takes charge, initiates action) and Doer (detail-oriented, organized).
Feeling: Influencer (emotionally driven, motivating) and Responder (empathetic, emotionally perceptive).
Thinking: Shaper (analytical, strategic), Producer (practical, efficient), and Contemplator (reflective, insightful).
Each language represents a unique way of interacting with the world, offering a diverse palette of communication strategies.
My story with life languages™
The year 2020 brought unprecedented challenges due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My clinical therapy practice saw an influx of clients grappling with communication woes, exacerbated by the shift from in-person to virtual interactions. Even my family, encompassing four generations, struggled. A particularly poignant struggle was with my pregnant daughter, where our communication breakdown led us into uncharted territory.
Overcoming communication challenges
I sought strength and guidance through prayer, reconnected with my therapist, and scoured resources to aid my clients and myself. It was during this quest that I encountered the concept of Communication IQ (CQ), which suggests that communication is a measurable and trainable skill. This then led me to Kendall’s Life Languages™ Communications System, which resonated with me due to its comprehensive approach to communication.
Personal transformation with life languages™
After taking the Life Languages™ assessment (Professional Version), I discovered that my primary language was Responder, while my daughter was Mover. Our primary languages were each other's least proficient (7th languages). This revelation was eye-opening, helping us to understand our communication gaps and distress patterns. The Life Languages™ system provided practical insights that transformed my interactions, not just with my family but also in my professional life.
My confidence in the transformative power of Kendall’s Life Languages™ led me to become a Certified Life Languages Communications Coach. This journey has not only reconciled the challenges I faced with my daughter; it has also equipped me to assist others in navigating their own communication hurdles by applying the keys to communication success.
The four keys to successful communication
The Kendall’s outline four essential elements for successful communication:
Answering the Filter Questions: Understanding the unique communication needs of each Life Language.
The Needs from Others: Recognizing and addressing the specific needs associated with each communication style.
Encouraging the Driving Passion: Identifying and nurturing the core motivations of each Life Language.
Validating One’s Character: Acknowledging and appreciating the inherent value in each unique communication style.
The Kendall’s believe that these four keys can unlock communication efficiency and lead individuals on the path to achieving up to 100% effectiveness in communication.
Demonstrating life languages™ in action
We present two case scenarios where individuals apply Life Languages™ to enhance communication. In the first scenario, a Responder navigates a relationship with partners or friends of various Life Languages™. In the second, a Shaper manager adapts his style to effectively lead a diverse team.
Scenario 1: Emma in an intimate relationships (Primary language: Responder)
Scenario: Emma, who primarily uses Responder language, finds it challenging to communicate her needs in her intimate relationships. Let us explore how she adapts her communication style with a partner or friends who speaks each of the different Life Languages™.
Partner's Life Language | Emma's Communication Challenge | Adapted Communication Strategy |
Mover | Struggles with their fast-paced decision-making. | Emma expresses her feelings about the pace, asking for more time to process emotions and decisions. |
Doer | Overwhelmed by their focus on details and plans. | She shares her need for emotional connection beyond plans, suggesting a balance between structure and emotional sharing. |
Influencer | Finds their emotional intensity challenging. | Emma meets their enthusiasm with empathy, while gently guiding conversations to deeper, more personal topics. |
Responder | Difficulty in managing mutual emotional expressions. | She creates a safe space for open, heartfelt communication, ensuring both partners feel heard and valued. |
Shaper | Intimidated by their analytical and direct approach. | Emma communicates her feelings and asks for clarity and patience, encouraging a more empathetic dialogue. |
Producer | Stressed by their focus on efficiency over emotions. | She advocates for a balance between task completion and emotional connection, highlighting the importance of understanding each other's feelings. |
Contemplator | Overwhelmed by their deep, reflective conversations and the need to know “Why.” | Emma engages in meaningful discussions, while also expressing her need for emotional expression and support. |
Scenario 2: John in a professional setting (Primary language: Shaper)
Scenario: John, a manager who primarily communicates in Shaper language, faces challenges in team cohesion, trust, and motivation due to his direct and analytical communication style. Let's explore how he can more effectively communicate with each team member's Life Language.
Team Member's Life Language | John's Communication Challenge | Adapted Communication Strategy |
Mover | Perceived as overly critical and rigid. | John adopts a more decisive tone, aligning goals with action-oriented language to motivate Movers. |
Doer | Seen as dismissive of details. | He provides clear, detailed instructions and acknowledges the importance of their structured approach. |
Influencer | Regarded as unemotional and distant. | John uses more inspirational and motivational language, recognizing their need for emotional engagement. |
Responder | Regarded as unemotional and distant. | He adopts a more empathetic and supportive tone, ensuring emotional wellbeing is addressed. |
Shaper | Conflict over control and strategy. | John collaborates on strategy development, valuing their analytical input while maintaining clear leadership. |
Producer | Seen as hindering practical progress. | He focuses on efficiency and effectiveness, aligning tasks with their practical skills. |
Contemplator | Perceived as impatient with their reflective nature. | John encourages thoughtful input and patience, valuing their depth of insight in problem-solving. |
Bridging the communication gap
Understanding Kendall's Life Languages™ is not just about self-awareness; it is about bridging the communication gap between individuals as depicted in our case scenarios. In both personal and professional contexts, this understanding can lead to more harmonious and productive relationships. By recognizing and adapting to the communication styles of others, we pave the way for more meaningful and effective interactions.
Conclusion: A journey towards effective communication
As we wrap up our journey through the transformative world of Kendall's Life Languages™, we circle back to our initial vision: a world where every aspect of communication is understood as intended. This vision, once distant, is now within grasp thanks to the insights and tools provided by Life Languages™.
We have acknowledged the costly impact of miscommunication in both personal and professional spheres. Life Languages™, however, stands as a solution, guiding us towards understanding and connection. In personal relationships, it fosters deeper bonds, and in the business world, it redirects companies from potential financial losses to a path of effective collaboration.
This is not just a distant dream. With Life Languages™, a future of clear, empathetic communication is achievable. By embracing the Four Keys to Successful Communication, we open doors to enhanced interactions, deeper connections, and more influential leadership.
The journey to exceptional communication starts with a simple yet profound step: exploring your primary language through the Free Life Languages™ Mini Profile. Embark on this transformative path today, join a community focused on refining the art of communication, and take charge of crafting a world where every message is not just heard but truly understood. The power to change the way we communicate—and thereby our world—lies with you.
Thank you, dear readers, for joining us. Your support fuels our movement to cultivate effective communicators for humanity and global peace. Together, let us continue fostering understanding and harmony in our shared journey- From your kind and trusting “Communication Doctor” - Dr. Veronica Powell
Dr. Veronica Powell, PhD, LPC,PC, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
With over 25 years in Behavioral Health, Training and Organizational Development, Dr. Veronica Powell, the 'Communication Doctor,' turned a personal trauma into a mission to revolutionize virtual communication. As the Owner of Measures4Success and a Certified Life Languages Communications Coach, she's a dynamic force equipped with diverse skills, including those of an Industrial Organizational Psychologist, Licensed Professional Counselor and Clinical Trauma Professional, among others. Shifting from the "Therapyroom" to the digital "Courseroom," she guides others through her online platform, M4S Academy, to transcend digital barriers and achieve personal and professional growth.
References:
Carufel, R. (2022). Bad connection: Study finds poor communication costs businesses $1.2 trillion annually. Retrieved from https://www.agilitypr.com/pr-news/public-relations/bad-connection-study-finds-poor-communication-costs-businesses-1-2-trillion-annually/.
Kendall, F. & Kendall, A. (2019). Communication IQ: A Proven Way to Influence, Lead, and Motivate People. Life Languages International. New Kensington, PA: Whitaker House.
Kendall Life Languages Communication Character Assessment: https://tinyurl.com/3kbvfv3b.
Service, R. (2005). CQ: The Communication Quotient for IS professionals. J. Information Science. 31. 99-113. 10.1177/0165551505050787. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/220195634_CQ_The_Communication_Quotient_for_IS_professionals.
