Samantha Redd is an expert in trauma recovery through using shadow work and her death doula training. She works with moms who are domestic violence survivors in high conflict divorce by using a mix of real-world experience and a unique view of spirituality to educate, heal, inspire, protect, and rebuild her clients and help them find their purpose. Samantha has a Ph.D. in Chemistry and uses her expertise in that field to help her clients understand the link between stress and sickness. In addition, she has dedicated her life to helping people recover from loss and find their way back to their true selves as a way of honoring the growth that comes with that loss. She is also the CEO of Decoding the System and has been helping people with grief for 20 years. Samantha is also a high conflict divorce survivor and wears a mask and pen name because she can only be present and a light for others by hiding in the darkness.
Samantha Redd, CEO Of Decoding The System And Expert In Trauma Recovery
Who are you, and who do you serve?
Imagine that you just got married to what you think is the love of your life; he’s attentive, caring, and always there for you. In the back of your mind, something seems a little off, but when you bring it up, your new husband brushes it off. Fast forward to when you have children and the love of your life had been belittling you gradually at first, and now it’s almost all the time. You can’t seem to do anything right for him. You have been worn down from trying to please him, and you’re constantly exhausted from trying to figure out if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day with him and confused by the chronic gaslighting you are now a shell of your former self. Finally, friends and family get involved, if your ex hasn’t pushed them out of your life and you are at your breaking point, enough is enough, and you decide to leave your toxic and abusive ex. You take your kids and go either when he is not home or passed out drunk. When you speak to the police about all the claims you’ve made in the past about the harassment and violence, and you find out they never reported anything because it was a “domestic” case. So you go to a lawyer, and they tell you it probably will be 50/50 custody even though he beat you in front of them, and you are scared he will do the same to them, you are afraid and alone – this is where I come in. I am a High Conflict Divorce Coach.
I help women; moms deal with a high conflict partner through strategy and spiritual methods. My focus is to shore up moms for the battle ahead, empower them with knowledge about the courts and custody and support them through the entire process by listening to them. I also support their ability to parent and co-parent with an abusive partner; these moms need to relearn boundaries and save their energy for those that matter most, like their children. Finally, I show them how to protect their children as best as possible.
Why me?
I had no idea what a narcissist was; I was so naïve I thought people would get married and work together. That’s what my parents did, and I knew no different. But then, in comes my narcissist, and alarms are going off, but there was always an excuse for his outbursts, “oh, it’s the military,” “oh, I got into a fight at work with someone,” etc. Finally, after one year of marriage, we started counseling together, but my husband stopped going when the therapist started agreeing with me. In one of those sessions where I was alone with the therapist, he said something to change my life forever. He said this marriage would never work because you are married to a malignant narcissist. My head was reeling; I had no idea what that was. The closest equivalent I can describe it to is if the devil walked the earth, this might seem harsh if you’ve never dealt with, let alone married one, but my clients would agree with me. Imagine you are in a relationship where your husband belittles you, turns the children against you, takes all the money, have you thinking you are the problem, and isolates you from friends and family. Narcissists are very insidious because it all happens over time, the insult, the apology, then the silent treatment back to the outburst, and it’s all your fault, or so he convinces you it is.
I got into this line of work after divorcing my ex over ten years ago. I did not know that my ex and the courts would shape my life for years to come. I never want anyone to go through what I went through, and so I am called to help others in that situation. It is challenging work, but if I wasn’t there, who would be?
Describe your clients?
My clients come from all over the world and have several things in common. They have married, had children, and are either just starting the divorce process with their toxic ex or in their 20th court case. Dealing with the courts can be a terrifying experience. You have to convince a judge who knows you as case 5357 in a matter of hours that your ex is dangerous and the children need to be in your care to remain safe.
What style/methods do you use to help your clients?
There is so much to talk about here, but my core practice involves two methods. One is the practical no-nonsense this is what you wear to court, how to co-parent in a court-approved way, or what you need to document. Then there is the spiritual side where I teach my clients how to protect their energy, heal from trauma using shadow work which builds upon what I learned as a death doula, and use a mix of magic and spirit to move forward in life!
And why the mask?
I wear the mask for two reasons. The first one is that most of my clients fear and hide from their narcissist ex, so I do this to let them know I get it. Second, I love Egyptian Gods and wear Bastet, the Goddess of healing, protection, motherhood, and love, which I hope to honor with my clients.
