Written by: Ora Nadrich, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Amy Eliza Wong is a certified executive coach devoted to the study and practice of helping others live and lead “on purpose.” She works with some of the biggest names in tech and teaches transformational leadership and communication strategies to executives and teams around the world. Her new book is Living on Purpose: Five Deliberate Choices to Realize Fulfillment and Joy.
What does it mean to “live on purpose?”
To live on purpose means to actively create, own, and celebrate your current and emerging reality through the agency of choice. It’s being in the driver’s seat of your own life, harnessing with full awareness most of your choice points, and choosing to respond, not react, to the stuff of life. But it’s not just choice at the level of action, it’s at the level of perception. When you consciously choose to interpret what you’re perceiving, what life is about, how it works, and who you really are, that’s when you go from existing on accident to thriving on purpose.
Why do we make choices that are in direct opposition to what we really want?
Back in 2010 when I was training under the instruction of world weightlifting champions Jerzy and Aniela Gregorek, we’d say that the true source of failure is choosing what you want at the moment over what you really want. Jerzy would often proclaim, “Easy choices hard life. Hard choices easy life.” Choosing the easy thing over the hard thing makes our life harder, not easier, yet we’re more inclined to choose the easier thing when we’re not fully present.
The bottom line for humans is that we ultimately want to feel good. Everything we want, everything we think we want — whether that’s a new job, more money, or a close relationship — is because we want the feeling we think we’d have as a result of the thing. So, it’s not really a thing we want, it’s a feeling we want. Essentially this means we want joy, peace of mind, a sense of meaning and purpose, and freedom.
When we’re just getting by on autopilot, we unknowingly make choices to sedate, numb, or control the discomfort of our untamed minds. We want the “good” feeling that checking out affords us at the moment, so we’ll make choices to think, believe, interpret, say, and do what’s relieving but not necessarily what’s for our highest good. While on autopilot, we’ll continue to chase the thing, oftentimes unknowingly forsaking the feeling we ultimately want in the first place.
Shedding unhelpful habits that we developed early in life is important to our present and future well-being. What tools do you give clients to help in this process?
It’s important to take it down to its lowest common denominator and recognize that habits of action, helpful or not, stem from habits of belief. So to best mind our well-being, we want to address our habituated beliefs about who we are and how life works, which are often established in our childhood. But it can be hard to identify the beliefs that don’t serve us because beliefs act like lenses that we look through to see the world. If you wear them long enough, you’ll mistake your perception for objective reality!
Our best opportunity to maximize our well-being is to first identify any core limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves — such as “I’m not enough” or “I’m unworthy of love.” Why? Because self-beliefs form the primary lens that creates the meaning, color, and texture of our reality. If it’s limiting and negative, what you’ll perceive around you will be congruent to that limitation and negativity and will appear diminishing or threatening. But if it’s positive, then what you perceive will be rife with possibility. To identify core limiting beliefs that run in the background, ask: “What am I most afraid others would either find, decide, or think about me?” The answer that emerges is the belief you hold about yourself, whether you like it or not, and whether you think you’re choosing it or not.
Second, we then must recognize that we have the power to choose this belief, or not. As Viktor Frankl says, “… in our choice lies our freedom and our growth.”
What 5 principles can help us feel more whole and at peace – and how do we put them into practice?
Feel it out, don’t figure it out Everything you want is not for the thing you think you want, it’s for the feeling you think you’d have because of the thing. Instead of strategizing to achieve what you “think” is a good idea, feel your way into what’s energizing and inspiring and in alignment with what you want to feel, not achieve.
Choose to know that there’s no way things should be Ditch the word “should” and instead focus on what you really want. When we hold ourselves to the imaginary “should” standard, we hold ourselves back from our inherent inspiration. Inspiration is the language of our true, whole self.
Decide that it’s always working out for you Growth happens on purpose and by accident even when it doesn’t feel like it. Life is going to side swipe you with unexpected, unfortunate, and tragic events. But if you decide those painful events are as equally a part of your growth process as your good moments, then you can mine your pain for the gifts and lessons that most powerfully usher you forward into elevated states of being. Peace results when you can gracefully accept what is and decide that it’s all in service to your health, growth, and wholeness.
Choose to know you are already complete Most of our searching and striving is to fill a hole we can’t quite put our finger on. We think it has to do with doing, achieving, or amassing more stuff — from conditions to accomplishments. The root of that searching is for the feeling of unconditional self-acceptance, the state that no amount of “stuff” will ever accomplish. We meet that need simply by choosing to know that we’re already enough.
Choose to know, not believe, your worth To believe something requires proof to assert it. To believe the worth means you need conditions to validate the assertion that you’re worthy. Acquiring just the right, or enough, conditions to prove your worth is exhausting and unwinnable. Instead, choose to know it. Knowing is a choice, regardless of the conditions. This is the ultimate choice. Choosing to know that you’re already complete requires no proof. You just choose it. This unconditional choice is the epitome of peace from a “proving” paradigm, which most of us are consumed by, to wholeness, which is chosen. That’s freedom.
What inspires you in your work?
Very simply the exquisite experiences of love, freedom, joy, and possibility. These grand forces together make life a wonderful and meaningful experience.
To learn more, visit alwaysonpurpose.com.
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Ora Nadrich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ora Nadrich is founder and president of the Institute for Transformational Thinking and author of Live True: A Mindfulness Guide to Authenticity, named among the “top 18 books on what an authentic life looks like” by PositivePsychology and “one of the 100 Best Mindfulness Books of All Time” by BookAuthority. She is a certified life coach and Mindfulness teacher, specializing in transformational thinking, self-discovery, and mentoring new coaches. Her new book is Mindfulness and Mysticism: Connecting Present Moment Awareness with Higher States of Consciousness (IFTT Press, Nov. 11, 2021). Contact her at oranadrich.com.
