Written by: Daniel Mangena, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We are seeing a growing, global epidemic of mental health problems. Depression is now among the leading causes of disability, and suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15-19-year-olds. Some of this can, of course, be attributed to a widening awareness of mental health. Some can no doubt be laid at the feet of simply having a growing population, and the resulting increase in numbers across the board. But what lies at the heart of it all? Why, when we live in the most advanced and abundant times, do we fall prey so much to poor mental health?
A commonly recognized ‘phenomenon’ is the mid-life crisis. We see this referred to all the time; some grey-haired, portly gentleman driving his red convertible, trying with all his might to look thirty years younger. But what is a midlife crisis really?
Simply put: the ‘crisis’ of middle-age is really just the rude awakening to the realization that you’ve been living your life on someone else’s terms. Crossing that supposed mid-point, or ‘point of no return’ serves as something of a slap in the face from reality. This happens typically because we’ve left our subconscious state largely unchecked for most of our early, adult life.
As cliché as it is to point this out these days; Western society really does impose upon us a road-map for our lives, that completely ignores individual purpose. For all the talk of individualism, “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” - we forget our role in defining what that means to us!
Partly this is a product of youth, right? I mean who the hell knows what they want to do when they are 19, or 21…or even 30 these days?!
We start filling our lives with arbitrary milestones and goals, all there to tell us that we’re doing it right. We outsource the responsibility of our purpose to meaningless trinkets. Owning the fancy car or big house by the age of 45 (or whatever) is not what we think it is. We look at people on Instagram and celebrities on TV, deifying their lifestyles and think that if we simply attain the same possessions; we’ll be happy/loved/respected just like them.
That’s not how purpose works!
If you don’t do the work to define your purpose in life, understand it and make it your focus; others will. Nature abhors a vacuum. Leaving your purpose unchecked and ill-defined, is creating a vacuum that will be filled by hollow, societal norms.
The reason you maybe feel like a mindless drone in your day-to-day, is because you’ve allowed someone else into the ‘driver’s-seat’ of your life. You haven’t had the faith that following your dream/purpose is going to provide you with the means to support your family. The goals you may have set yourself as far as where you live, how many cars you own etc… you probably see as having to come from wage slavery.
But here’s the disconnect…
All of those celebrity lifestyles are telling you something else. You think it’s about the end result (i.e. the cars and the houses) but it isn’t. Those things are the byproduct of a life lived in service of purpose. That’s what we’re really attracted to, and that’s why it’s so unfulfilling when we do attain the material things.
They’re hollow because we didn’t fill them with anything!
Wanting to own a Porsche 911, and wanting to buy one when you make your first million/win your dream job/reach whatever personal goal you set for yourself, are two very different things. One is purely about acquiring stuff, in the vain hope that somehow inanimate objects will endow you with purpose. The other is about growing into the kind of person who truly owns a 911.
This is why you must do the work to understand your purpose and who you want to be. If you want to be rich so that you can buy stuff because you want to look successful to others…that’s not a purpose with any weight and you’ll quickly be derailed by other people’s plans for you. If you want to be rich, so that you can be of maximum resourcefulness in order to help others and provide maximum service: you will be unshakable.
It is so hard to get this across to people, partly because it requires an article of faith (at least at surface value, I’d argue that it’s actually logically sound). People see that contract of employment as being some iron-clad guarantee of a monthly wage that, albeit less than they’re probably worth, is at least stable. The thing is though: it’s not.
As covid has shown us, societal norms are not as stable as we might think. This is not to install fear or anxiety, but simply to point out that you don’t have to place your faith in employment contracts. It’s also to point out that, by insisting on working a 9-5 in any job, so long as it pays the bills, you are robbing your life of purpose.
OK - you might, on the very off chance, be that person for whom working 9-5 to pay the bills is your purpose…but I’d hazard a guess that you wouldn’t be reading this far if that was you. Odds are you’ve probably got some unexplored childhood fantasy lurking in the back of your mind. Maybe you’ve always had the inclination towards working with animals, or a non-profit, or something that you’ve deemed to be too unstable to devote your time to. But is that really your thinking…or someone else’s?
We all know the ‘get a proper job’, dinner table mantra that we received from our parents. Their intentions were pure of course, but misguided. They, and society at large, were setting you up for a life without purpose! That’s what you are craving and seeing in others (or assuming in others).
So why don’t you flip it?
Instead of leaving a huge vacuum where your purpose should be, in order to dictate how money will come to you; why don’t you invert it? If you become laser-guided in pursuing your purpose, you leave a vacuum for how money is to come to you. The beauty of this is; without strict terms imposed on it by you, money can come to you from anywhere and it will.
I don’t expect to convince you of this on my own, especially if you are someone who has spent their life, until now, working in a job and providing yourself with ample evidence that the 9-5 is a viable way to get by.
I personally set out, having made and lost two multi-million dollar fortunes, to start my career as a coach/guide/teacher without a clue about how it would go down. I just filled myself with clear, purposeful intentions and let the rest come to me. I am now a millionaire once more, living the life I’ve always wanted and finding fulfilment in every single day.
As my very good friend Claire Rogers found out the hard way too: living a personal and professional life without purpose was killing her. This despite closing billion dollar deals and making more money than she’d ever seen in her life. You can check out her full story in this great episode of my podcast.
As she also articulates so well: it is never too late to start over. It’s not about chucking everything away, ‘scorched-earth’ style. That really would be a mid-life crisis. It’s just about starting to make new choices, however small, that start to point your ‘ship’ in a new direction. If you’re working a 9-5, don’t engage in what I call ‘job shaming’. That just creates resistance and ultimately: inaction.
Instead do the work to find your purpose. Focus on who you want to be, not in your greatest moments, but in your everyday life. Are you wealthy? If so; what does that support you in doing? Drill down into the emotional state that you want to experience every day and that will tell you who you want to be.
From there: the new choices that need to be made in that direction will stand out to you. You’ll find it much easier to start making steps towards your new life. Don’t quit your job, but find time outside of work to start working on whatever it is that you want to do. Begin filling your skills gaps so you can start being of service in the ways you want to. Take courses, pay for classes etc…The byproduct of this is that your 9-5 will get the reflected purpose, of serving you in being able to afford the tools to get you there!
Reframe your world through the lens of purpose, and you’ll see such a huge shift in your life. You’ll avoid any crises born of middle-age because you’re already awake, living life on your terms.
Daniel Mangena, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dan Mangena is a best-selling author, entrepreneur, philanthropist, and public speaker. Recently named in the Wall St Journal as a "Master of Success," he is completely self-made and has spent decades perfecting his world-class coaching methodology. His books, podcasts, events & retreats continue to help captains-of-industry and private individuals alike live an abundant, joyful, purpose-driven life. He offers many unique and effective free tools via his website.
.jpg)