Written by: Marie Murphy, Ph.D., Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Hello, cheaters. Hello, people engaging in any kind of infidelity. (I say this with the utmost sympathy for your situation, and with complete respect for you and the full breadth of your humanity.)
I have a little public service message for you. Here it is:
Don’t wait to get caught.
Deal with your infidelity situation before forces beyond your control force your hand.
Dealing with your infidelity situation efficiently gives you the best possible chance of being able to ensure that the whole thing plays out in ways you are reasonably happy with.
Dealing with your infidelity situation efficiently doesn’t mean you have to panic and attempt to figure out the whole thing right now. That’s probably not going to work out too well. Our capacity to think through complex matters, and make decisions we feel great about is seriously limited when we’re in a state of panic.
I firmly believe that if you’re cheating on your partner, you have the right to take some time to figure out what you want to do about your situation. Yes, that might mean that you’re giving yourself permission to continue engaging in something that your partner wouldn’t like if they were to find out about it. Yes, that might mean that you’re continuing to lie and deceive. And if that doesn’t sit well with you, that’s fair enough. But you owe it to yourself – and the person(s) you’re involved with – to get your shit together. To clarify what you want, and make decisions about what you’re going to do. That’s important to everyone involved in your infidelity equation.
And getting your shit together might take a little time. And in my opinion, that’s okay – and moreover, there may not be any great alternatives to giving yourself some time to get your shit together. See above how we deal with things when we’re panicking.
But. Giving yourself time to get your shit together is not the same thing as giving yourself a free pass to kick the can down the road indefinitely. Giving yourself time to clarify what you want – and giving yourself permission to continue engaging in infidelity while you’re at it – does not mean that you throw your hands in the air and surrender to confusion and indecision.
Do yourself a favor and dedicate yourself to actively figuring out what you want to do about your infidelity situation. (You don’t have to do it alone – I can help you do it.)
You don’t have to figure it all out today. But you might want to get started today.
Because… wouldn’t you rather get your love life sorted out so that you can actually enjoy it? Would you rather spend your precious life living in solutions, rather than languishing in problems?
And for another thing… dealing with your infidelity situation on your own terms is usually a hell of a lot better than getting caught.
I hate to say this, because I don’t like to sow fear and paranoia. But people do get caught. And it usually isn’t fun for anyone involved.
So by all means, give yourself SOME time to think about what you want to do about your infidelity situation. Making rash or impulsive decisions isn’t going to do anything great for you or anyone else.
But be efficient in considering what to do about your infidelity situation. Because you don’t want this conundrum to take up too much of your precious time and energy for too long.
And because you really don’t want to get caught. I usually do not make it my business to tell you what you should want or shouldn’t want. But you probably don’t want to get caught. You’d probably much prefer to deal with your infidelity situation in a way that you actually get to choose.
If you want help dealing with your infidelity situation in a way that’s truly right for you, let’s work together. I offer confidential, compassionate relationship coaching via Zoom, and you can schedule an introductory coaching session with me through my website… link in bio.
Visit my website for more info!
Marie Murphy, Ph.D., Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Marie Murphy is a relationship coach and the host of the podcast, “Your Secret is Safe with Me.” Dr. Murphy helps people who are engaging in anything they think counts as infidelity to deal with their feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions about what they’re going to do – without shame, blame, or judgments. She believes that if you’re cheating on your partner, you deserve guidance and support that respects the fullness of your humanity, and the complexity of your situation, no matter what you’re doing. Resolving your situation in a way that’s truly right for you IS possible, and Dr. Murphy can help you do it.
