Written by: Kylie Mort, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This month it was settled. As a Finalist for the AusMumpreneur Awards, I discovered if my ability to describe my entrepreneurial flexibility was enough to grant me status as Australia’s most agile business-owning mother. If I won, I would have been crowned the Queen of Business Pivot, inspiringly maneuvering from a position of business breakdown and defeat to a new platform of mentoring mastery and commercial success. I did not win. I was destined yet again, for the second year running, to be a fellow finalist. Yet does this represent a statistically significant fact? If we did do a comprehensive survey of Australians who are both child-rearing and building new pathways through financial risks in the hopes of profit, would my statistically significant standard deviations above the mean include a Z score portraying elite status?
Or is this just a label given to a select group of nominated women who choose to wear the badge?
This rumination reminded me of a social media post I had read recently. The female contributor boldly claiming with a tone of defiance, “I am not a Mumpreneur” and proceeding to tell all who were scrolling by about how bugged she is. Even more interesting was when I stopped with curiosity, I read many comments by offended and outraged women saying they were “disgusted” “angry” and “frustrated”. Others shouting – with angry emojis included - that they “loathed” and “despised” the word! And one, going so far as to say she would rather “boil her brain” than suffer the mortifying indignation of being addressed as such. That seems to be a whole lot of negative energy directed at a label they don’t identify with. So why are they so emotional about it?
The original commentator went on to explain that:
The term entrepreneur has been outrageously commandeered
Having children was completely irrelevant to one’s career
People were merely playing to a market if they aligned with such degrading cliches
It was not until I read that the term was “undermining” women that I saw the true ultra-feminist high road. This was quickly signposted with gender comparisons, hyperbole, and paternal suffixes that no one would dare to hashtag for fear of savage reprisal. I let the sound and fury of the matter wash over me and thought how, interestingly, there does come a point when, for many, a cause will devalue itself by marketing itself. I was enthralled by the cyclical nature of the context. So why does such a term cause such a vast disparity of opinions? How is the niching of one contentious term making the second so much more provocative?
Why do we, as humans, become emotional and attack something we do not identify with? How is it in some way diminishing you, for somebody else to identify with a group? Tribal Shaming refers to the use of shame to promote obedience. If our ‘tribe of origin’ identifies that we are stepping out of line or breaking the rules, shame is used to make us feel the error of our ways. This is oftentimes seen during family conflict where an individual striving for independent goals that do not align with the majority values will be shunned, exiled, ridiculed, and even physically abused by those who seek to remedy the unacceptable aspiration. Yet, when we speak of ‘tribe of origin’ this can be represented in concentric circles that can see one banished on many levels. We see it on social media regarding weight, gender, sexual preference, lifestyle, and political alignment.
If you are not with us, if you do not see the world the way we see the world, you are against us, and we despise you.
So what does the label ‘Mumpreneur’ have to do with tribal shaming? To me it seemed obvious, having dwelt within various tribes of outspoken and empowered individuals over a number of years now. I first became aware of the mumpreneur movement when I became involved in my first collaborative publishing deal. My publisher invited me to a women’s retreat and my eyes were opened to a whole new level of community. In my late 30’s I was only just realising the significant and ongoing impact childhood abuse and trauma had had on my life trajectory. This life-changing UGWA retreat felt like a warm blanket had been wrapped around my shoulders and a cup of sweet tea gently pushed between my frozen palms. I was suddenly sitting numbly beside a roaring fire, recovering from a ferocious blizzard I didn’t realise I had been enduring. No more blindly accepting my forced subservience to the ideals of others, no more unwittingly degrading myself. A heavy door had been wrenched shut, separating myself from the icy blows and howling wind. I had somehow entered a welcoming safe room, filled with a tribe that was empowering me to finally accept myself. And it was sheer relief. The reprieve of laying down a burden I had never realised I carried. The reason people accept a label is because it supports them. Whether we like it or not humans are innately herd animals, biologically driven to social networks for a variety of reasons.
When one feels adrift and isolated from their herd, their tribe, their people - they suffer.
It was Erikson Psychosocial Theory that specifically labelled what he saw were eight key stages whereat individuals are challenged to define themselves as an identity responding to those around them. He also wrote of the consequences of not rising to these challenges, the unresolved crises that we carry as we journey through life. Now, what happens when your perspective and your baggage affect your tribe? Affects your affiliation with a community? Are you the shamed? Or the one doing the shaming? The reason there is no “dad” suffix to match the Mumpreneur is because we stereotypically come from a male-dominated patriarchal society that has always seen men as the protector; be that physically, financially, or however else contemporary society might necessitate. Evolution is a backward-looking process and the wheels of change move slowly. At its core, the mumpreneur movement is a faithful disciple of female empowerment, yet as shown above, not all agree it is effective. The working mother label signifies changing cultures as does the stay-at-home father. They are not new labels, they are empowering labels, showing individuals who feel they are part of an empowerment of non-dominant roles.
To those women who feel the term “mumpreneur” is sexist, why do women use it? Are you accusing these women of being sexist? Why does feeling empowered as a woman necessitate some kind of devaluing of men? It is both a biological and psychological fact, men and women are different, so why can’t we celebrate these differences without negativity and name-calling? One commentator went so far as to say, giving it a “special name” undermines those who struggle and don’t get a “special name”. Really? People uniting under a banner that empowers them is wrong because not all people are actively motivated enough to collaborate and congregate under a banner at all…? It’s certainly an interesting discussion when we start exploring the broad sweeping generalisations and stereotypes that are hotly debated in our modern era. Especially when this discussion is further stimulated by labels, including why we label and why we accept or reject labels.
Perhaps it all returns back to our own perception of ourselves, our self-worth, and our inner peace.
Mumpreneurs are women who have united under a banner that supports and encourages them. A banner that enables them to find motivation and perseverance when the balancing act of wearing so many stereotypical hats is overwhelming. Power to them. Broadly speaking, people feel the innate need to shame ideals and ideas that they themselves do not align with. This is a hereditary urge and now, ever-more enabled, the plague of contemporary social media. Yet just because it is not your tribe, does not necessarily mean it is not a valid tribe to those who belong to it.
And who are you to devalue these people?
Some of us are lucky enough to feel valued, worthy, and connected from a very young age. Some of us will find our people, our place, and our purpose during our journey through life. And some inspiring others will recognise those who wander on the fringes of acceptance and extend a greeting, inviting these souls into the protective and liberating fold of a new tribe.
Kylie Mort, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kylie Mort works with individuals of all ages to embrace and support the Academic Mind, Self-Awareness & the Mind-Body Connection. Assisting individuals by tailoring bespoke mentoring packages supporting academic, physical, and personal advancement and success. Kylie is an International Author and Writer for Global Magazines, writing both academically and creatively to connect with those who seek guidance and inspiration to be their best selves. A former Secondary School Teacher & VCE Leader with 20 years of teaching experience, Kylie is a qualified & registered: School Teacher, Yoga Teacher & Performance Coach. She is also an entrepreneur, leading multiple-award-winning companies. She is currently studying Psychological Science at Deakin University to provide holistic mentoring to her clients better, having spent decades honing her skills in face-to-face teaching, mentoring, and business & company development. Now, she is focused on the human mind and its power to empower through reimaging, redesigning, and recreating.
