Written by: John Scott, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." — Princess Diana.
I once spoke to a group about kindness and asked for an example of receiving it. One person recalled a close friend driving for miles to drop off some flowers when she was going through a tough time. From how she expressed the experience, I could tell it was a significant and lasting gesture.
To be offered kindness says the receiver matters. At the core of all human beings is a desire to feel connected and seen: to feel we matter to someone. We remember kindness.
But life can be hectic.
In 1973, a large group of Seminary students was gathered together and given the task of preparing a talk on either their seminary jobs or the Good Samaritan story. Unknowingly they were part of a study on kindness. With their speeches prepared, the person in charge gave them different urgency levels to get to the other building for the talk. On the route to their address was a "homeless" man sitting against a wall in evident distress. In low hurry cases, 63% helped, medium hurry 45%, and high hurry 10%. Overall, 40% of the students helped the homeless man.
The study showed a person in a hurry is less likely to help people, even if they are on their way to speak on the Good Samaritan parable! Some of the students stepped over the victim on their way to the building.
One speculative conclusion was that compassion and ethics become a luxury as our daily lives' speed increases. Or perhaps more palatable and science-based, that in a rush, there was a narrowing of the student's focus, and they failed to make the immediate connection of an emergency. Rushing is stressful, and stress reduces our peripheral vision, figuratively and literally.
The inflow of information and the busy world we've created often crowd others out. We can rush through our day thinking about our schedule living internally. A friend of mine once said, "when I wake up, I feel like I am already late." But living in a rush won't fully acknowledge the external world: those around us we are connected to, to whom we depend or are in need.
"I shall pass this way once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." Etienne de Grellet, Quaker Missionary
A few years ago, I made a point of committing random acts of kindness and made notes on each of the 55 I tracked. I met Sacke, a man I saw crying, and found out his sister had died recently. And Cheryl, an Inuit teenager sleeping in an alleyway behind an office tower. And Bill, who some think was a university professor, had been homeless for 20 years. When I was giving Bill a few items from Starbucks, I noticed someone watching with a big smile. Bill felt good, I felt good, and the observer felt good; that's how kindness rolls or ripples.
I learned that while I sometimes questioned whether to approach someone or say something, not once would it have helped to ignore my initial impulse to act or say a word or two. We cannot know how much a gesture of kindness might mean to someone. Only acting on that impulse to be kind makes that thought count.
The ripple effect or contagious nature of kindness comes from being connected positively; we feel good and are then predisposed to be kind to another person, or maybe it's the want of another hit of oxytocin, the "love" hormone. Being kind is like paying it forward, and often it comes right back. In 2011, Orly Wahba wrote and directed an inspiring 5-minute video called Boomerang about acts of kindness's ripple effects that has had more than 100 million views so far! Kindness ‒ Boomerang Video
Kindness lifts us morally.
As I write this, the people of Poland, Hungary, Moldova, Slovakia, and Romania inside their borders are holding placards offering help of all kinds to Ukrainian refugees. Humanitarian aid flows towards Ukraine and these countries in little and big ways from around the world. It feels like kindness has hit a tipping point, a pro-social force for good.
Kindness Considerations:
Be kind to yourself. We can think of things about ourselves that are untrue and unhelpful.
Orient yourself to kindness to others by setting an intention of being kind to someone each day.
Smile at a stranger.
Thank a service person for their help.
Be a good listener.
Offer a hug where appropriate.
Give a compliment.
Let someone go ahead in line.
Help someone in need in any way you can.
Volunteer or give to a charity.
"It's when crisis hits ‒ when the bombs fall, or the floodwaters rise ‒ that we humans become our best selves." ‒ Rutger Bregman, Author of Humankind, A Hopeful History.
Go ahead, make someone's day!
John Scott, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
John worked in sales and leadership in the financial industry for 30 years. For part of that time, he experienced a great deal of stress and didn't know the way back. As a result, John's health and wellbeing suffered. Becoming burnt out was the stimulus to wake up with a determination to do his life differently.
John began a private journey to understand and overcome the negative stress he was experiencing. He found a formula for sustainable performance he now shares to help people move through common challenges to experience more great and less grind.
John has completed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR, U. of Massachusetts), Foundations of Applied Mindfulness Meditation (U. of Toronto), and the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP, Flourishing Center, NY).
John's adventures include:
• Climbing Mount Kenya and Mount Kilimanjaro.
• Two dog sledding trips to the Canadian Arctic.
• Two record-breaking swim crossings Lake Ontario (51km)
• The first to swim from Christian Island to Collingwood, in Georgian Bay (32km).
John brings his experience in life, learning, and adventure to help people do life and work well through writing, speaking, and coaching.
