Written by: Dr. Loren Michaels Harris, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Comment: “I love your outfit”
Response: “What…this old thing?”
Comment: “Your hair looks phenomenal”
Response: “I couldn’t do a thing with it today!”
Why is it that we as a people find it so terribly difficult to accept a compliment or receive something offered that speaks highly of us?
For nearly 50 years of the 56 years I have been alive, I have at some point or another dealt with this very issue…low self-esteem. So much so, that up until just around five years ago I had no photos of myself (and if I did my hands were shielding my face in the pic), I brushed my teeth and shaved in the shower in order to avoid having to look at myself in the mirror. Yes…it was that bad!
So how is it that I am currently able to participate in professional photo shoots, one of which I had just this morning. How is it that I am comfortable seeing my face on the covers of magazines and on giant screens when I grace stages around the world to share my story? The answer is simple; I was finally in mid-life able to process the truth that my perfection is found within my imperfections.
You see, for decades I allowed my mindset to be controlled by what I today am aware was more of a dictator/commentator than that voice I now adhere to, “The Narrator of my story”. That dictator, commonly referred to as “Stinkin’ Thinkin’ was allowed to broadcast one tragedy after another for as long as I allowed him to, thereby conditioning me to see myself as less than, not good enough, ugly, inadequate, and many times…cursed and not worthy of even living.
As a product of the Foster System, having endured being shuttled between 22 different foster homes over a five-year period, is it no surprise that I lost most of the confidence and self-awareness of my own worth over that period?
Today I am acutely aware that much of the pain and suffering I experienced well into my fifties, was a direct result of my feeling shamed and damaged from many of the experiences within my youthful journey, none of which were of my own choosing.
So back to why it is that we as a people are so dead set on not feeling comfortable accepting praise and encouragement from others. It’s fairly simple when we truly look at it… we love recognition, but we suck at accepting it! As the Harvard Business Review reported, 88% of people associate recognition with a feeling of being valued, yet 70% also associate it with embarrassment.
In my personal situation, for nearly all my adult life I had carried undue shame and embarrassment over having had 22 mothers, slept over the years in more temporary bedrooms than some people experience in an entire lifetime. I had carried with me a scarlet letter of shame for having been seen time and time again by neighboring children who resided on those streets that housed the foster homes I moved between, simply because many of them had witnessed me arriving with my state issued trash bag containing everything I was allowed to call “my life”.
This mindset which was being cultivated for my by outside sources was to haunt me, control me, and discourage me for decades…all without me even knowing of its’ existence within me.
Then one day I was flipping through a paperback dictionary, not really looking for anything in particular, not even searching for the meaning or spelling of any certain word…just ‘mindlessly turning pages’, when my eyes landed on the word ‘IMPERFECTION’. I shall never forget how instantly my focus was directed to the space between the “M” and the “P” in that word. I saw that by simply dividing that word into two words…I saw the truth that would change the way in which I viewed myself and others, for the rest of my life. I saw that “I’m Perfection” was the truth, and not those lies and deceptions that the broadcaster of tragedy had always attempted to convince me of. I saw once and for all that there was absolutely nothing for me to be ashamed about wherein it came to my having had 22 mothers, for each of those women had played the role within my life that they had been chosen to play. I realized that it is within my imperfections that I find and embrace all that is perfectly perfect about me and within me! Imperfections provide us with our core unique qualities and gifts. Imperfections are proof that perfection is nothing more than an empty and valueless quest. Imperfections are those qualities that provide us stories that not only can change the world but allow us the ability to live on beyond our deaths within this very world.
So, remember the next time you feel less than, lower than, unattractive, unloved, or un… anything, you are perfect just the way you are! Remind yourself that the next time someone pays you a compliment, to not strike it down as if it were an enemy or foe, but to embrace it and receive it as the gift of truth it is.
We each are unique in our own ways, and it is because of our imperfections that we are simply put…PERFECT!
Until next time,
Xoxo
Loren
Dr. Loren Michaels Harris, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Loren Michaels Harris strives to motivate, inspire, and uplift every person that crosses his path. Loren is the host of the daily interview talk show, Bathrobe Moments, and is featured on the e360tv Network, where Loren is also an Executive Producer. Loren has been heard on Larry King Live and NPR Radio, seen on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, and FOX. Loren has been featured on the covers of multiple magazines and has been featured within PEOPLE Magazine.
