Written by: Belkis Clarke-Mitcham, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Turn Pain into Purpose
Many people find it hard to find meaning in their lives when they go through tough times. It is not easy to deal with pain. However, some of the most precious things born from struggles like persistence, patience, and kindness will help you better understand your world and create a better one for yourself and others around you. These precious things will give meaning to your life and serve as motivation.
Theres' always a question of how to deal with suffering. Suffering is inevitable, but there's no way to get rid of it. We should not wait for pain or trauma to happen to deal with it. Instead, we should learn how to transform our pain into purpose.
The Problem with Ignoring your Suffering
We often ignore our pain, trauma, or suffering because it is difficult and takes time and effort. We think it will dissipate on its own. And sometimes, we even believe that it is something to be ashamed of. But this is not true. It needs to be dealt with and acknowledged for us to start healing.
So how do we deal with our pain, trauma, or suffering?
Three primary mental barriers that prevent people from dealing with their suffering are the physical, emotional, and psychological barriers.
Mental barriers are psychological factors that hinder people from dealing with their pain or trauma. They are usually formed due to a negative experience (Nordin). The person who suffers might develop some coping mechanisms like denial, making it difficult for them to address their feelings about what happened (Wynne-Sheehan). We need to learn how to cope with these feelings before moving on and healing.
It is critical to realize that our minds often create these barriers, and they are not necessarily real. We need to break through these mental barriers to live a happy life. One of the significant barriers to dealing with suffering is the feeling that it's just too difficult. Some people are genuinely overwhelmed with all their responsibilities and can't find any time or energy for themselves. Others don't think they have the moral right to suffer when so many other people are in need in the world. Some people fear being labeled a "victim" or think it's selfish to focus on themselves instead of others.
The good news is that, by identifying our barriers, we can then start to take steps toward overcoming them.
Psychological Barriers
Psychological barriers prevent us from dealing with the suffering that we experience every day. They are the barriers that prevent us from coping and eventually turning the pain into purpose. One such barrier is called denial. It's when people avoid thinking about their pain by trying not to think about anything, which causes problems in their lives, relationships, and ability to cope in general. Another barrier is called apathy. This refers to when people feel so numb that they don't care about anything happening around them.
Emotional Barriers
Mental anguish is not an easy thing to deal with. It is often said that emotional barriers prevent people from dealing with suffering. It makes it difficult for people to deal with, process, and overcome their pain. One emotional barrier is feeling like they cannot deal with the pain they feel because there will always be another tomorrow where they will have to face another set of difficulties. Another barrier is not letting go or forgiving oneself for something they did or failed to do in the past, which continues to haunt them and prevents them from moving on with their lives.
Physical Barriers
Many physical barriers prevent us from dealing with suffering, but one of the most significant barriers is our reluctance to do so. We often shy away from anything that might cause us more pain or discomfort, which only causes more trauma in the end when we realize how much we've been missing out on in life because of our avoidance tactics.
It is natural to be tempted to try and tackle all three barriers simultaneously. However, this can exacerbate your suffering by increased emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion.
If you're not addressing your trauma, you're just going to have it pop up in your life over and over again. Trauma isn't something you can forget about. Ignoring pain can lead to more problems down the line, including depression, anxiety, substance abuse, etc. But there are ways to deal with it and move on. The first step is acknowledging what's happened to you.
One of the most common misconceptions is that emotions should be avoided. However, this couldn't be further from the truth. Emotions are a crucial part of our health and well-being, as they help us process and understand our surroundings. One problem is that we tend to dismiss or ignore them when we feel uncomfortable or afraid. This causes emotional distress that can lead to mental health problems. The first thing you need to do is accept that you feel these things. Once you accept the truth about your feelings, you can start doing something about them.
The Solution
Pain is a natural human response. We instinctively avoid pain by refraining from action. So how do we get past this?
The answer is simple; you have to learn how to use the negative energy of pain as fuel for success.
We all have experiences that can cause pain. Every day, we are faced with opportunities to either let pain become fuel or keep us from our goals. We are often unaware of our emotions and how they can affect us. Emotional awareness is the first step to understanding how emotions work and affect you. It is a crucial component in a happy and healthy life. There are many strategies for enhancing emotional awareness. Here are some examples:
1. Be aware of what you are genuinely feeling
Pay attention to what is happening in different parts of your body. Is your heart racing, your head pounding? Identify what is happening inside you.
2. Truthfully name what you are feeling
We often use strong emotions to mask what we are feeling. We may say I am upset when we feel disappointment, sadness, or resentment. Name what you are feeling. Be aware that we feel many emotions at the same time. Dig deep to know what they are.
3. Pause
Many emotions spring up suddenly. We do not usually decide we will be sad about an event or angry about something. It happens at the moment. Give yourself a moment or two between the event and your response.
4. Accept your emotions
Emotions are an integral part of our human experience. They affect our moods, thoughts, and behaviors. It is essential for successful people not to shy away from their emotions but embrace them to understand themselves fully and manage their emotions.
How do you regulate your emotions? Here are 3 suggestions to cope:
1. Know what story you are telling yourself
When we do not have all the information, we fill in the blanks and form stories based on think or feel. Remind yourself that you may not create a real scenario because you do not have all the information.
2. Know your triggers and how to decrease them
This does not mean that you should put yourself in situations that bring unpleasant feelings. However, Allowing yourself to face unpleasant emotions is important because it can help you identify what triggers them. Look for patterns. Strong emotions like anger and frustration can stem from insecurity, something we often try to hide. Identify what triggered these feelings and what past experiences they reminded you of.
3. Choose your response
It's hard not to respond in anger when you feel it, but you do have a choice. You may also notice that this behavior hurts your relationships, and the feeling might not be a good one. When you feel anger or fear, try to recognize that you choose how to respond. That recognition has the power to change your view of the situation for the better.
4. Seek out a coach
Managing our own emotions can be challenging and requires a high level of self-awareness. When we're depressed, we find ourselves lacking the ability to regulate our emotions and may need a coach or some other type of professional help. Fortunately, many solutions can help us deal with our emotions.
Key Takeaways.
1. Pain, trauma, and suffering are all important parts of life that have a different intensity for every individual.
2. Pain, trauma, and suffering need to be dealt with to find peace and happiness in other parts of your life. You can choose how you want to deal with them, or you can do nothing about it, which will eventually lead to other problems in your life like anxiety, addiction, etc.
3. Coping with pain, trauma, and suffering can be done either by yourself or with the help of others like family members, therapists, or myself.
There is always hope, even in the darkest of times.
Contact me if you need to talk to someone about being happier.
Belkis Clarke-Mitcham, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belkis is a captivating, insightful Communication Trainer, Empowerment Expert, Catalytic Life Coach, and International Speaker who possesses a unique gift of delivering messages that transform lives that echo long after she leaves the stage. Her inspirational, power-packed delivery leaves her audience in awe.
After her experience with childhood sexual abuse and later domestic violence, belkis researched extensively and developed strategies to truly live a happy and exceptional life after emotional hurt and turmoil. She has since dedicated her life to helping other women thrive after abuse and emotional pain, rebuild their self-confidence and purpose, make better decisions and learn to speak up for themselves and communicate effectively.
She is CEO of Belkis Clarke LLC and Reaching Beyond Your Now™ with clients across the globe. A dynamic and sought-after speaker/trainer Belkis has delivered at St. Eustatius government functions, St. Maarten National Youth Council, The University of the Southern Caribbean, Nagico Insurance, Churches, Schools retreats, conferences, and seminars globally. She is the author of the book Girl, you are overthinking it! How to step out of negative thoughts and jumpstart a new way of thinking. She has co-hosted a series and done live coaching on the radio show Meet the Elite and hosts Wednesday Wisdom on Z95 (95.5 FM in Corpus Christi, Texas). Her mission is to see women genuinely know themselves beyond negative experiences and live the kind of lives they do not want to escape from.
